Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 12/02/03

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match on RAW. I will use copious amounts of cursing, sarcasm, and mean insults. Consider this to be your final warning. On tonight’s showing of RAW we will continue to see the fallout from the Authority’s decision to unify the WWE and the WHC title. Hopefully we will get to see the buildup to the TLC PPV which is two weeks away. Tonight we are live from live from Oklahoma City, OK and you know the sly little jabs at JR will be flying all over the place. I am going to say this once and I really don’t care if you agree with me or not Jim “JR” Ross is the true voice of wrestling. That man could sell any move a wrestler made unlike the three insufferable twitheads on commentary now.  On commentary we have the untalented duo of Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler, oh yeah the insufferable and intolerable JBL is with them.

The show opens up with CM Punk making his way ringside. A recap of the Shield attacking Punk last week is shown.  He says that he is trying to figure out why the Shield attacked him. He says it’s because he criticized Triple H last week on RAW. He goes on to insult the Authority again by calling them sorry, ignorant douchebags. Here comes Stephanie McMahon to defend her husband and the Authority. She plays up to the crowd by saying she wishes everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. She denies having the Shield attack CM Punk. She claims that they were upset that the Shield attacked him. I love you Stephanie but I am not buying it. She brings out Kane to field questions from Punk. Kane gives a speech about his job as Director of Operations. He denies the Authority’s part in the Shield attacking Punk. He then opens up the floor to Punk so he can ask questions. Punk insults him and they have a war of words. Punk challenges him to a fight and Stephanie has to do everything in her power to control Kane. The Shield’s music hits and now it’s a party. Punk runs out of the ring to grab a chair as our Hounds of Justice come to the ring. Stephanie stops them from attacking Punk. She says he needs to be respected and admired. Kane makes a match at TLC for Punk. He will be in a handicap match with all three members of the Shield. Before we go to commercial break there is a staredown between Punk and the Shield.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow—this match is to determine who will be the number one contender to face Big E Langston for the IC title. Big E Langston is ringside to provide commentary and to watch his potential opponents. The match gets underway when Sandow aggressively attacks Ziggler. Ziggler goes for a rollup but Sandow kicks out. Ziggler dropkicks him and goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out again. He takes down Sandow with a clothesline. He jumps on Sandow’s back but Sandow shakes him off. The Intellectual Savior goes to the outside of the ring and Dolph does a baseball slide into him. He charges at Sandow but Sandow drops him onto the steel steps. He throws Ziggler back into the ring and goes for the cover but Zigglypuff kicks out. Sandow goes for the Side Russian Legsweep and follows it up with the Elbow of Distain. He goes for the pin but Ziggler kicks out. Sandow picks him up and throws him down before stomping at him. He goes for the moonsault but misses Ziggler. Ziggler plants him and goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Sandow charges at his opponent but Ziggler moves out of the way at the last minute. Ziggler splashes him in the corner and unloads a series of punches. He goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Sandow picks him up but Ziggler counters that maneuver into a pin attempt. Sandow kicks out and gets nailed with the FameAsser. He goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out once again. Ziggler goes to the top rope and Sandow attacks him. Sandow hits him with the You’re Welcome. Winner: Damien Sandow

Summer Rae/AJ/Tamina vs. The Bella Twins and Natalya—could someone please tell the scarecrow Summer Rae that she cannot dance? Seriously she needs to sit down somewhere and learn from Natalya. As Tamina and Summer Rae are in their positions, AJ decides to skip around the ring like an idiot. Tamina and Nikki Bella start off the match. They go for a lockup and Tamina shoves Nikki. Nikki slaps her and goes for the rollup but Tamina kicks out. She tags in Brie who takes down Tamina. Tamina drops her face first on the turnbuckle. She goes for the pin but Brie kicks out. Brie gets head-butted by Tamina and then Tamina tags in Summer Rae. Seriously she is about as talented as Eva Marie and JoJo combined. She goes for the pin but Brie kicks out. Summer Crow tags in Tamina who tags in Summer Rae again. She takes down Summer Rae and knocks Tamina off of the apron. Summer Rae plants her in the ring and goes for the pin but Brie kicks out. Summer Rae misses wildly with her lame as hell elbow drop and Brie tags in Natalya.  Natalya takes her down with a clothesline and Natalya gets thrown into the ring post. After screeching for AJ, Summer Rae finally gets to tag out of the match. AJ goes for a kick but Nattie catches her and goes for the Sharpshooter but Tamina interferes. The Bellas take out Tamina. Natalya pins AJ. Winner: Natalya and the Bella Twins

Bad News Barrett comes out to announce that he has good news and bad news. The good news is we are live on Monday Night Raw. The bad news is we are stuck in an arena with a bunch of overweight hillbillies. He goes on to insult the Oklahoma City crowd. This has to be an all-time low for Barrett. He has talent and charisma and he has the lame ass gimmick.

Randy Orton is shown backstage with Brad Maddox. He welcomes back Brad Maddox and tells him to deliver a message to the Authority. He wants Maddox to tell them that they should recognize him as the greatest WWE superstar of this generation and of past generations. He goes on to say that his name is more well-known than Cena. He goes on to boast that he is bigger than the WWE.

Daniel Bryan vs. Eric Rowan—Rowan is accompanied to the ring by Luke Harper. Apparently this match is so Daniel Bryan can avenge his kidnapping by the Wyatt Family. The match starts off with Rowan putting DB into the corner. DB starts getting in some offense before Rowan takes him down with a shoulder block. Daniel Bryan starts kicking away at Rowan before Rowan takes him down. He gets back up and starts kicking again before doing the sleeper hold. Rowan throws him down and DB kicks him. DB starts working the left arm of Rowan but Rowan breaks the hold. He slams DB down while Harper cheers him on.
He pulls DB up before punching him. He picks him up and DB escapes before doing his best Vegas showgirl kicks. Rowan delivers a knee stomp and then sends DB flying out of the ring. He goes to follow and DB gets in the ring. DB gets caught by Rowan and then gets brutally slammed into the barricade. Back from commercial and Rowan is dominating his opponent. Rowan scoops slams him down. He puts him in a version of the bear hug and DB fights his way out of it. He gets knocked out of the ring and Rowan goes after him. He slams DB into the steel steps before throwing him back into the ring. He goes for the pin but DB kicks out. DB makes a comeback with his series of kicks. Well he was until Rowan elbowed him in the face. Rowan kicks him in the head before going for the pin and once again DB kicks out. Rowan does a modified Crossface on DB and DB fights out of the hold. Rowan steps on DB’s face. Here comes the kicks from Daniel Bryan. He launches himself at Rowan who catches him and slams him down. He goes for the pin but DB kicks out. He goes for a rear chinlock and DB powers out. Here comes a vicious backbreaker from Rowan. He drops down on DB but he moves out of the way. DB sends him flying over the top rope. He knocks down Harper and does the Goat Dive on Rowan. Rowan gets back in the ring and DB goes to the top rope. Here comes the missile dropkick. Here comes the fucking kicks again. Rowan catches him but DB wiggles out. He goes to the top rope but Rowan kicks him. He picks up DB but the Bearded One counters with a rollup. Winner: Daniel Bryan

Bray Wyatt appears on the Titantron to cut a promo. He tells Harper and Rowan to stand down from attacking DB. He assures DB that they will not hurt him unless he tells them too. He says he was wrong about DB. He also mentions Brie in his diabolical speech to get inside DB’s head. What a creepy but fanfuckingtastic promo from Bray Wyatt.

DB is shown backstage when he runs into Kane. Kane congratulates him on his victory over Rowan. He goes on to make a match for DB at TLC to face the Wyatt Family. A 3 on 1 handicap match. While this might get me in trouble with some WWE fans, I am enjoying this new side of Kane.

R-Truth/Xavier Woods vs. Tons of Funk—Cameron and Naomi accompany Tensai and Brodus Clay to the ring. A recap of the heated exchange between Brodus Clay and Xavier Woods is shown from last week. Xavier and Brodus start off the match. Xavier is getting in some defense and delivers a drop kick to Brodus. Brodus scoops him up and slams him down twice. He tags in Sweet T.  Xavier is throwing elbows before tagging in Truth. Truth is taking it to Sweet T. He has him in the corner and is delivering some mounted punches. He gets taken down by a shoulder tackle by Tensai. He tags in Clay who should never ever be allowed to gyrate. I would rather play golf with JBL then to ever see that disgusting act. JBL what he is doing isn’t twerking you ignorant son of a bitch. What he is doing is scaring the hell out of people. Clay taunts Truth as he punches him. He charges at Truth who kicks him in the jaw. Truth tags in Woods who quickly knocks down Clay. He goes for the pin but Clay kicks out. Sweet T gets knocked off of the apron. Clay throws Woods across the ring before splashing him in the corner. He goes to the second rope before flying down on Woods. Luckily for Woods he rolls out of the way in the nick of time. Woods struggles to roll him up and scores the win. Winner: R-Truth/Xavier Woods.

Brodus Clay shoves Tensai and they seem to have a war of words while Xavier Woods and R-Truth smile.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio—ADR comes out doing his Zeb Colter impersonation. They go for a lockup and Del Rio puts Sin Cara in the corner. He is kicking away at his opponent. He tries to throw Sin Cara over the top rope but he hangs on for dear life.  He does an arm drag to Del Rio before kicking away at his opponent. I am going to take a moment to address something. For them not to mention JR as one of the wrestling announcers from Oklahoma is a slap in a face to him and his fans. So fuck you McMahon, JBL, Michael Cole, and yes even you Jerry Lawler. While you four circle jerk each other in the back before and after shows, you fail to realize that JR has more wrestling knowledge and class then you four douchebags combined. Suck on that and don’t choke too badly because I need you four asshats to make fun of and degrade. Sin Cara takes down ADR and sends him careening to the floor. He throws ADR back into the ring and ADR quickly kicks him off of the apron.  He rolls Sin Cara into the ring and goes for the pin but Sin Cara kicks out. ADR puts him in the side headlock and after he releases him, he kicks Sin Cara. He goes for the pin but the masked wrestler kicks out. Here comes another side headlock and the hold is quickly broken. Sin Cara does a Hurricanrana and then kicks ADR in the side of the head. He does a cross body and goes for the pin but Del Rio kicks out. Del Rio goes for a German Suplex and a pin but Sin Cara kicks out. Del Rio calls for his Cross Arm Breaker but Sin Cara counters. He goes to the top rope and Del Rio follows. He goes for the kick to the head but Sin Cara dodges it. Sin Cara does a rolling Senton from the top rope and scores the win. Winner: Sin Cara

Renee Young is interviewing John Cena about his upcoming match with Randy Orton at TLC. He talks about possibly becoming the Unified Champion. He references a lot of the great wrestlers before him and how he has been both the WWE and the WHC champion. He says that it would mean everything to him.

A SHIELD PROMO! Dean says that Punk cannot beat him. Rollins says that Punk couldn’t beat him either and Roman growls that if Punk comes near him, he is going to beat that little ass. Dean talks about their TLC match and says Believe in the Shield. Love them or hate them they do deliver their own brand of justice.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Big Show vs. The Shield—Ambrose and the Big Show start off the match.  Ambrose goes for a waistlock but Big Show takes him down rather quickly. He does an elbow drop to Ambrose and has him in the corner. He pulls up Ambrose’s shirt and chops him. Bless you Big Show for exposing his chest. He sends Ambrose flying into the opposite corner before head-butting him. He exposes the chest again and once again bless you Big Show. He does it again and why not just rip the shirt off of him. I wouldn’t mind. Ambrose tags in Rollins who quickly gets knocked to the mat. Big Show scoops him up and slams him down. He does an elbow drop and goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Rollins tags in Reigns. They face off and Roman shoves Big Show. Show doesn’t take this to well as he delivers a striking blow to Roman’s back. He puts Roman in the corner and exposes his chest and chops him. BLESS YOU BIG SHOW!!They trade blows and Reigns tags in Ambrose. Ambrose is kicking away at Big Show. He goes to the top rope and Big Show slams him down. Big Show tags in Goldust and he starts punching away at Ambrose. He does a snapmare takedown and tags in his brother. Punk is shown watching this match. Cody delivers a knee to the beautiful face of Ambrose. Ambrose makes it to his corner and tags in Rollins. Rollins gets a vertical suplex from Rhodes. Rhodes goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Here comes Goldust. Rollins sends him flying into the ropes and Goldust takes him down with a kick. He is working the left arm of Rollins. He puts Rollins in their corner and tags in Cody. Cody sends him flying down to the mat. He goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Rollins starts showing some offense. He has Cody in the Shield’s corner and is battering his midsection with his shoulder. He chops him in the throat and chest before tagging in Ambrose. Ambrose gets taken down and Cody knocks Rollins and Reigns off of the apron. Cody goes to the top rope and does a moonsault. He goes for the pin but Ambrose kicks out. Cody goes for the Cross-Rhodes but Ambrose leaves the ring. Ambrose gets back in the ring and takes down Cody. Back from commercial and Rollins is in charge of Rhodes.  He dropkicks him and tags in Ambrose. Ambrose starts stomping away at Cody. He tags in Roman who starts working the left arm of Cody. Cody powers to his feet and starts mounting a comeback. He goes for the Disaster kick but Reigns swats him down like a fly. He stomps away at Cody before tagging in Rollins. Rollins does a running splash on Cody. He punches and stomps away at Cody. He charges again at Cody who is in the corner but this time Cody moves out of the way. Rollins tags in Ambrose.  Cody takes them both down with a dropkick. Cody weakly makes his way to his corner but Reigns stops him. He tags in Big Show. Big Show is whooping away at Reigns with a back body drop. Ambrose sends Big Show flying over the top rope. Fuck yeah! Roman attacks viciously as Big Show makes his way into the ring. Here comes Rollins who flies off the top rope and nails Big Show with a knee to the face. Rollins is kicking away at him. He goes for the pin but Big Show kicks out. Here comes Ambrose and he starts stomping away at Big Show. While the ref is distracted the Rollins kicks Big Show. Ambrose tags in Reigns who uses Goldust’s move against Big Show. Reigns does the Superman Punch and goes for the pin but Big Show kicks out. Here comes Ambrose, he goes for the pin but Big Show kicks out. He puts Show in a side headlock and Big Show delivers a back drop to Dean. Dean tags in Reigns and Big Show slams him down. Reigns tags in Rollins while Big Show tags in Goldust. He is kicking Rollins’ ass. He does the mounted punches but Rollins takes him down. Goldust does a Hurricanrana and a spine buster. He goes for the pin but Ambrose makes the save. Here comes Cody illegally to save his brother. He gets knocked the fuck out of the ring. Ambrose and Rollins work together to take down Goldust but Big Show pulls Ambrose off of the apron. Big Show gets speared by Reigns. Cody takes down Reigns. Goldust goes to the top rope and Ambrose goes after him. He goes for the superplex and nails it. Rollins rolls up Goldust for the win. Winner and still the best trio in the WWE: The Shield

Renee Young interviews Punk about his TLC match with the Shield. He chuckles and says that he could kiss the genius that came up with this match. He starts singing “I Feel Pretty” from the musical West Side Story. He then gets serious before saying he knows he is going down but he will take down some members of the Shield with him.

Another Bad News Barrett skit. I wonder who Barrett pissed off to get stuck with this lame ass gimmick. He talks about Thanksgiving and how everyone is now constipated and our arteries are clogged. This makes me miss Zack Ryder and his lame as hell gimmick.

Miz/Kofi Kingston vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel—apparently Kofi is giving the Miz one more chance. Miz and Axel start off the match. Axel goes for a waistlock and the Miz reverses it. He puts Miz in the corner and chops him in the chest. Miz takes him down with a clothesline and tags in Kofi. Kofi goes for the pin but Axel kicks out. Miz gets tagged in and he goes for his Figure Four Leglock. Luckily for us, Axel dodges. He hits Miz from behind and sends him into his corner with Ryback. Here comes Ryback to slam the Miz down. He does a splash on Miz and he goes for the pin but Miz kicks out. Miz is punching him until Trollgre takes him down. He does his delayed vertical suplex before going for another pin but the Miz kicks out. Ryshrek slams him down before stepping on his face. He tags in Axel who finally nails the Miz with his dropkick. He goes for the pin but Miz kicks out. He tags in Ryback who is dominating the Miz. He goes for a pin but Miz kicks out. Miz starts to make a comeback but Ryback is holding him tightly. Miz throws elbows to break free and gets to Kofi to make a tag. Here comes Kofi and Miz gets knocked off of the apron by Ryback. Kofi goes for the pin but Ryback kicks out. Ryback hits him with the Shell Shocked. Winner: Ryback and Curtis Axel

Miz gets in the ring to tend to Kofi before turning on him once more. Kofi gets Miz-slapped for his efforts.

Fandango vs. Mark Henry—the match gets underway when they go for a lockup. Fandango gets sent flying to the mat. Fandumbass prances around the ring but Mark Henry scoops him up and plants him viciously into the mat. He does a clothesline to Fandango and dances in front of Summer Rae. She gets on the apron to try to distract Mark Henry but it fails. Fandango gets clobbered by Mark Henry. He mounts a comeback but Henry shoves him away. He dropkicks Mark Henry into the knee. Fandango goes to the top rope and does a cross body to Henry. Henry takes him down with a clothesline and scoops him up and does the World’s Strongest Slam. Winner: Mark Henry

Real Americans vs. Prime Time Players—a recap of what happened on the recent SmackDown is shown. I loved seeing Titus puke in JBL’s hat and then put it on Cole. Colter comes out spewing his hatred once again. Swagger and O’Neil start off the match. Swagger is showing his dominance as he keeps O’Neil in the corner. Here comes Titus to make a comeback. He knocks Cesaro off of the apron and slams Swagger down. Swagger puts him in his corner and tags in Cesaro. Cesaro throws him thru the ropes and tags in Swagger who takes him down. He throws O’Neil in the ring and goes for the pin but Titus kicks out. Titus is trying to tag in Darren Young but Swagger puts him in the Real American’s corner. Cesaro delivers a cheap shot when the ref isn’t looking. Swagger makes the tag to Cesaro and delivers the Swagger Bomb while Cesaro jumps over him to stomp on Titus’s stomach. Darren tries to interfere but the referee stops him. Cesaro nails him with an uppercut and then a Gut wrench. He tags in Swagger and they take him down with an elbow to the face. Swagger goes for the pin but O’Neil kicks out. Here comes Cesaro with a suplex. He goes for the pin but O’Neil kicks out. Titus sends Cesaro flying but Cesaro comes back with the Giant Cesaro Swing. Swagger and Colter are telling him not to do it. Colter gets on the apron and makes him stop. Titus does look like he is going to puke and JBL hides his hat. He tags in Darren Young who is kicking Cesaro’s ass. He knocks Swagger off of the apron. He does a suplex and a bridge pin but Cesaro kicks out. He suplexes Swagger and throws an elbow to Cesaro. Cesaro hits him with an uppercut. Winner: The Real Americans

The vote for what the champion should be called is over and the winner is the Unified Champion. Here comes Stephanie McMahon and Triple H for the contract signing between Orton and Cena. Stephanie thanks Randy for his message earlier about being bigger than the WWE. Both men sign the contract and then have a war of words that escalates to violence. The show ends with Cena holding both titles.

Match of the Night—this honor goes to Shield, Goldust, Big Show and Cody Rhodes. Words cannot describe how fucking awesome this match was. Thank you Big Show for exposing Dean’s chest multiple times. You made this wrestling fan very happy.

WTF moments– this dishonor goes to the divas match. It was a waste of time. Good for Natalya for winning but it should have been a one on one match. Not a lame six divas match. Summer Rae needs to go back to FCW for some more training.  Also shame on you fucktards for disrespecting JR.

In closing, I loved the show. I give it an A- for having buildup to the TLC PPV.  I am actually looking forward to watching SmackDown thanks to the CM Punk vs. a member of the Shield. To be honest I was hoping to see Titus puke on JBL and Cole again, that would have been awesome. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!!

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