With Riley Ross
Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match on SmackDown. Tonight we are live from Kansas City, Missouri. Hopefully tonight we will see Big Show get what is coming to him. He cost the Shield their tag team titles and he needs to be punished. For tonight’s lineup we will see AJ face Brie Bella, Daniel Bryan teams with Goldust and Cody Rhodes to face the Shield, The Wyatt Family takes on the Miz and Kofi Kingston.
Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox kick off the show. Vickie starts shrieking at the crowd before announcing that the Authority has given her the responsibility of running a great SmackDown. She swears that the debacle that happened on Monday night will not happen on her show. Brad Maddox is helping her run the show. Maddox starts talking about Big Show by saying that security has surrounded the building to ensure that he doesn’t bother anyone. Vickie starts kissing Stephanie and Triple H’s ass.
Here comes Goatface Daniel Bryan. He claims to be thrilled that they are doing what’s best for business. Shrimp needs to take his ass to the barber. He starts talking about his match at HIAC with Randy Orton. He then goes on to say that Big Show is in the building. His music hits and I think Maddox almost shit himself. Daniel Bryan admits that he was teasing them. Here comes Goldust and Cody Rhodes. Vickie starts shrieking again and she makes a main event match between them and the Shield for later on tonight.
Rowan/Harper (Wyatt family) vs. Miz/Kofi Kingston—Bray Wyatt is ringside along with his rocking chair. Rowan and the Miz start off the match. Miz kicks the mask off of Rowan. He tries to roll him up but Rowan counters. Miz takes down with a dropkick and plants Rowan near Kofi. Here comes Kofi. His momentum gets stopped as Rowan tags in Harper. Kofi does a drop toe hold and then kicks him. Kofi goes for a pin but Harper kicks out. Harper takes advantage of Kofi slipping. He keeps Kofi locked in their corner as he tags in Rowan. Rowan slams him down and starts stomping away at him. Kofi tries to fight his way out of the corner but fails to do so. Here comes Harper to destroy Kofi. Kofi kicks Harper in the side of the head. Kofi sends Rowan flying over the top rope. Miz is desperately trying to make a tag but Rowan yanks his ass off of the apron. Harper clotheslines Kofi and scores the win. Winner: Wyatt Family
They act like they are going to attack the Miz but Bray calls them off. He cuts another creepy promo directed at the Miz. He ends the promo with his popular tagline ‘follow the buzzards’.
Brie Bella vs. AJ Lee—Brie aka Clown Face has Nikki Bella in her corner while AJ has the towering Diva, Tamina in her corner. Brie charges at AJ but the Divas champion rolls out of the ring. She gets in and quickly goes out the other side. AJ is taunting Brie as Tamina blocks her. Brie decks the skipping troll and they fight it out in the middle of the ring. Could someone please tell Brie that it is wrestling and not an adult movie? AJ starts going after the injured arm of Brie. Brie starts fighting back but AJ takes her down. She slams Clownie backwards and Brie goes for the ropes. However AJ uses the ropes to hurt Brie’s arm. Brie gains momentum and takes AJ down with an elbow and a missile dropkick. She goes for the pin but AJ kicks out. Tamina tries to attack Nikki but Horseface sidesteps her which sends Tamina flying into the steel steps. AJ tries to pin Brie but she kicks out. Brie faceplants AJ into the mat. Winner: Brie Bella
Big Show comes out thru the crowd and gets in the ring. He is smiling and joking with the crowd, he shows an autographed ticket from Daniel Bryan. He thanks the crowd and here comes Maddox and Guerrero. They start shrieking at him and Big Show knocks Maddox out.
CM Punk vs. Big E Langston—the match starts off with a waistlock from Punk on Langston. Big E throws a back elbow and Punk starts throwing punches. He goes for a side headlock but Big E comes back with a shoulder tackle. Punk starts working the left arm of Langston and Langston puts Punk in the corner. He sends him flying into the opposite corner and then delivers a brutal splash to him. Langston is dominating Punk while the crowd cheers for their tattooed hero. Punk starts throwing punches and forearms. He sends Langston flying over the top rope. He goes for a suicide dive but Langston catches him and slams him down on the apron. He then sends him careening into the barricade. Back from commercial and Langston has Punk in a Half-crab submission move in the middle of the ring. Punk powers out and Langston goes for another Half-Crab. Punk slowly crawls to the ropes and grabs them. This forces Langston to break the hold. Big E picks him up and drops him on his knee. He delivers a forearm to Punk. He goes for a splash on Punk but Punk smartly brings up his feet. He starts kicking Big E and takes him down with a huge kick. Punk takes a minute in the corner and Big E charges at him but Punk moves. Big E goes to the outside and Punk dives at him to keep him down. He throws Big E in the ring and goes to the top rope. He does a beautiful crossbody. He goes for the pin but Langston kicks out. He does a high running knee to Langston before following up with a clothesline. He goes to the top rope and does his elbow drop. He goes for the pin but Langston kicks out. Punk calls for the GTS but Langston counters. Langston splashes Punk, he goes for the pin but Punk kicks out. He scoops up Punk and goes for the Big Ending but Punk counters with a huge kick. He delivers the GTS to Big E. Winner: CM Punk
Here comes Paul Heyman with Ryback and Curtis Axel. Heyman swears that at HIAC, Punk will be facing an animal in the ring. Heyman is trying too hard to convince Punk that he doesn’t want this match. Paulrus and his two minions need to take a seat and shut the fuck up. Punk replies that Paulrus is an idiot. He reminds the three stooges that Paul and Ryback will be locked in a cell with him. He promises to put them through Hell. Walrus Fucker leads his goons to the ring and Punk goes on the attack. The numbers game works against Punk until Langston gets in the ring and evens up the numbers. Holy fucking shit this is awesome. Langston gets out of the ring and Heyman waddles backwards up the ramp. That’s what you get Heyman for insulting Big E. He is more talented than your three twits.
Alberto Del Rio is in the ring with Josh Matthews. Matthews is interviewing him about his upcoming WHC title match against a returning John Cena. ADR insults the crowd by calling them ‘gringos’ and say that they lack flavor and passion. He calls Cena the ultimate gringo. He says that Cena is going soft and that his ego is growing more and more by the day. I think Del Rio is confused as his ego is out of control. He then attacks Josh Matthews and puts him in the Cross Arm Breaker. What a fucking bitch. Del Rio and Cena both blow goats.
The Real Americans vs. The Usos—Colter is on commentary while Cesaro battles one of the Usos. Uso slams him down before tagging in his brother. He goes for the pin but Cesaro kicks out. Cesaro kicks him and then tags in Swagger who clotheslines the Uso. Swagger rams his knee repeatedly into the midsection of Uso. He then tags in Cesaro who does his Giant Swing. Holy shit this is the longest I’ve seen him do this. Too bad he didn’t fling the Uso out of the damn building. He tags in Swagger who starts stomping away at Uso. He plants him to the mat and goes for the pin but he kicks out. Swagger is going after the left arm of his opponent. Swagger plants him in his corner and tags in Cesaro. He does the Swagger bomb and here comes Cesaro to play Leap Frog over Swagger. He goes for the pin but Uso’s foot is on the ropes. Swagger knocks the other Uso off of the apron. The Los Matadores music hits and Colter is danger of having a hissy fit. El Torito gored Colter not once but twice. Uso kicks Swagger in the face. Winners: The Usos
The highlight of that match was watching El Torito gore Colter. Everything else was pure bullshit. See what I did there. Los Matadores attack Swagger. The Usos and Los Matadores celebrate in the ring.
Daniel Bryan/Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. The Shield—before the others can come out here comes Randy Orton. He verbally engages with Daniel Bryan. Orton says that he will be the Face of the WWE once more when he wins the WWE title. Roman and Goldust start off the match. Roman isn’t playing as he delivers head-butt after head-butt to Goldust. He tags in Ambrose, who punches the shit out of Goldust. He then tags in Seth Rollins who works his magic before tagging in Reigns. Fuck, Goldust takes down Reigns and goes for a pin but Reigns kicks out. Here comes Cody Rhodes, fresh off of the tag. He delivers a missile dropkick to Roman but Reigns sends him crashing shoulder first into the ring post and Ambrose taunts him. Back from commercial and Rollins is owning Cody’s lisping ass. He goes for the pin but Rhodes kicks out. Rollins uses the ropes to punish Rhodes before tagging in Roman. Roman does a splash drop. He goes for a pin but Cody kicks out. He takes him down with a clothesline he goes for the pin but Cody kicks out. He tags in Seth who starts stomping away at Cody. He suplexes Cody over the ropes and back into the ring before tagging in Roman. Roman gets knocked out of the ring and gets back in before Cody could tag in one of his partners. Seth runs in and takes down Goldust. Here comes Ambrose and Daniel Bryan to fight it out. GoatBoy takes down Ambrose. He goes for the pin but Rollins and Reigns make the save. All hell is breaking loose in the ring as bodies are everywhere. DB and Ambrose take each other down with a double clothesline. After much back and forth Ambrose goes for the pin but Lisp Boy breaks it up. Daniel Bryan goes for the Yes Lock on Ambrose but he gets saved by a member of the Shield. DB throws Ambrose in the ring and scores the win. Winner and still fucking Trolls: Cody Rhodes, Goldust, and Daniel Bryan
Match of the Night—goes to CM Punk and Big E Langston. Surprise! Surprise! This was one of the best matches of the evening. Also honorable mention to the Shield for putting on a helluva match tonight.
The WTF moment—this dishonor goes to the WWE Creative. Please pull your head out of your respective asses and write a decent show.
In closing the show was a disaster. I give it a grade of a D-. The show seemed rushed and relied heavily on the recaps. It’s kind of a shame that El Torito is more over then the Los Matadores. You can change Epico and Primo’s gimmick and clothes but they still fucking suck. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!