It’s Riley’s Main Event
With Riley Ross
Welcome back to Riley’s Main Event where I break down each segment and match on Main Event. At the close of the review I will pick the standout moment, Superstar or Diva of the show and give a brief explanation of my choices. On tonight’s show we have Alex Riley and Josh Matthews on commentary. We are live from Columbus, Ohio.
Tons of Funk vs. 3MB (Handicap 3 on 2 match)—Brodus Clay and Heath Slater start off the match. Slater lands a punch on Brodus Clay. He strikes him again and I almost fear that he might get brutally murdered for that. Clay scoops him up and throws him down. He suplexes Slater before tagging in Tensai and Slater tags in Mahal. Tensai takes down Mahal with a shoulder block before flipping him. He goes for a standing delayed suplex before dropping him. He tags in Clay and they double team him for a bit. Clay drops down on him before going for a pin but Mahal kicks out. He does a quick tag to Tensai. Mahal tags in McIntyre and somehow the Chosen but Forgotten One drops him. He goes for the pin but Tensai kicks out. Drew tags in Heath and he takes down Tensai with a dropkick. He goes for the pin but Tensai kicks out. Slater is surprisingly rocking Tensai with punches but Tensai sends him flying out of the ring. They respectively tag in their partners and Mahal is squaring off with Clay. Clay splashes him in the corner and slams him down to the mat. He goes to the second rope and splashes down. He goes for the pin but here comes Drew to break it up. Tensai and Drew are battling outside the ring. While Mahal tags in Slater, he kicks Clay. He goes for the pin. What the fuck the Jobber Squad won. Winners but still losers: 3MB
Aksana vs. Tamina—wow the crowd is deadly quiet during Aksana’s entrance. At least Tamina gets somewhat of a reaction. The match starts with Aksana trying to act like a stripper but Tamina interrupts her. She is nailing the lackluster diva with a series of chops. Aksana moves out of the corner and takes advantage of Tamina hitting the ring post. She goes for a pin but Tamina kicks out. She has Tamina in a hold that works her left arm but Tamina powers out. She slams Tamina down and goes for the pin but Tamina kicks her. Tamina starts stomping away at her before dropping a knee on her. She goes for the pin but Aksana kicks out. Tamina puts her in a chokehold and Aksana powers to her feet and fights out of the hold. She slams Tamina with a neckbreaker and goes for a pin but Tamina kicks out. She goes for a dropkick and misses. Tamina picks her up and slams her down. She goes for the pin. Winner: Tamina
A recap of Stephanie McMahon ripping the Big Show a new one is shown. I know I shouldn’t find it funny when she slaps him repeatedly but I cannot stop laughing hysterically especially as she fires him.
Zack Ryder vs. Big E Langston—the match starts off with a lockup and Big E sends him crashing down to the mat. He puts Ryder on the top turnbuckle and punches him. Ryder tries to mount a comeback but it is short lived as Big E puts him in a side headlock. Ryder escapes but Langston puts him back in the hold. He fights out of the hold but Big E takes him down. What? Ryder takes Big E down. He does a dropkick thru the ropes to take Big E down. Keep smiling Ryder you still suck. Back from commercial and Ryder is in charge with a rear chinlock. Big E punches him so hard, it has me wincing. Who am I kidding, I am laughing my ass off. Ryder is clutching his ribs and Big E targets that area. He starts ramming his huge shoulder into Ryder’s midsection. He goes for the pin but Ryder kicks out. Big E puts Little Doofus into a waistlock and is squeezing him for all he is worth. Ryder fights out but Big E goes for a belly to belly suplex. He slaps away at Ryder before monster punching him. Big E goes for a splash drop but Ryder moves out of the way. Ryder does a missile dropkick from the second rope. He calls for the Broski Boot and it connects. Big E goes to the outside of the ring and Zack follows him. Zack gets slammed into the apron and the barricade. Both men are in the ring and Zack goes for a rollup but Big E kicks out. Zack splashes him while he is in the corner repeatedly but Big E slams his worthless ass down. Big E takes him down with another clothesline. He goes for the Big Ending. Winner and without a doubt: Big E Langston
The rest of the show is recaps from Monday Night Raw. Super Cena will be returning to action at Hell in a Cell PPV to face Alberto Del Rio for the WHC. My problem with this is he should stay gone for another few months. How come he immediately gets a title shot?
Moment of the Night: This honor goes to Big E for beating the stuffing out of Zack Ryder.
Diva of the Night: This honor goes to Tamina for squashing Aksana. I’m honestly surprised Aksana has made it this long in the WWE.
In closing, I thought the show was decent despite the heavy use of recaps. I still strongly dislike Alex Riley on commentary. Granted he will have a great one-liner but he constantly runs it in the ground. I long for the day when Josh Matthews punches the fucker in the throat. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.