Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 09/09/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match on RAW. Tonight we are live from Toronto, Canada. For one night only Edge will make a rare appearance, I cannot wait to hear what he has to say. Also tonight we get to see a match between Goldust and WWE champion Randy Orton. If Goldust wins then Cody Rhodes will be hired back. This is the go home shows before the Night of Champions PPV on Sunday. I cannot wait to see what the WWE has in store for us tonight. *Warning foul language ahead*

Edge opens up the show and the crowd is very excited to see him. Welcome home Edge, the WWE universe misses you.  He gets in the ring and seems happy to be there. He is hosting the Cutting Edge and says that Triple H requested him because it was good for business. Triple H wants Randy Orton to be the special guest, Edge says no to Orton being the guest. He makes fun of Orton being Triple H’s handpicked puppet.  His special guest is Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan comes out and starts talking about how Triple H wants him to give up on his dreams of having the WWE title. He says that the struggle is worth it. He says he will not give up. Edge riles him up in a good way and here comes Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton insults Canada, gee how refreshing. He brings up Edge’s career ending injury. Edge insults the Orton clan (Cowboy Bob wearing the cast for years), he acknowledges his spinal injury but says unlike Orton, he has a spine. He insults Triple H’s eye for talent and here comes the sharp dressed COO. Triple H invites Edge to speak his mind and here we go. Edge rips him a new one as he has nothing to lose. Look people I am so sick of everyone bashing Triple H for marrying Stephanie, who in the hell do you have in your lives? Oh just your right and left hand, so sit down and just shut up. Didn’t Edge to marry Vickie G. (storyline) to save his career? Meanwhile Mr. Rated R Superstar couldn’t keep his own dick in his pants when it came to his personal life. Let’s not forget that there are some divas past and present that are there due to their boyfriends. So just stop it you basement dwellers. Triple H has the Shield bring out a beaten down Christian and they toss him to the floor. Since they cannot touch Edge due to his neck, they go after the ones he loves. I approve of the corporation and this storyline wholeheartedly.

Stephanie and Triple H are shown talking in their office when Edge rushes in. The Shield blocks him from getting in their faces. Edge says he wishes he would be cleared so he could come for Triple H. Triple H verbally eviscerates him while Dean Ambrose grins. Triple H kicks him out of the arena. Notice how quickly Edge backs down.

Kofi Kingston vs. Curtis Axel—Axel is accompanied to the ring by Walrus Fucker Paul Heyman. The match starts off with a tie-up and Axel takes Kofi down. He sends him flying into the ropes and takes him down with a dropkick. He goes for a pin but Kofi kicks out. Axel puts Kofi on the ropes and sits on him. The crowd is cheering for CM Punk which causes Heyman to glare at them. Kofi tries to gain the momentum but Axel cuts him off. Kofi reverses Axel’s move and nails him with the S.O.S., he goes for the pin but Axel kicks out. Both men go out of the ring and get back in and Axel stomps away at Kingston. Axel has him locked in the corner and stomps away at him. This is what happens when Turdis Axel skips his nap, he has a temper tantrum. Dude next time either fight fair or quit.  Winner by DQ: Kofi Kingston

Heyman scolds Axel that this cannot happen on Sunday night. Axel goes to attack Kofi again but Kofi knocked his ass out with Trouble in Paradise.

A video package of Goldust is shown. He is one of the best wrestlers ever. Past, present and future, he will never lose his IT factor or his charm. He is one of the wrestlers that you cheer for and root for continuously.

We see Paul Heyman down on the ground and he is screaming that he is hurt. Once they get him to the trainer’s office, he tells them he has his own doctor. Something screams that this is a ploy to get him out of the match on Sunday. I agree with Lawler, that Heyman was so nervous he probably peed himself and that would explain the water in the hallway. Give in and wear the Depends.

Big Show is shown in his locker room when Booker T comes to talk to him. Booker T talks to him about how he remember when Big Show debuted. He says that Big Show made the right call and that if he was in Show’s shoes, he would do the exact same thing. Booker T tells him to think about his family and how they would feel if he was gone from the WWE. Someone took manipulation lessons from Stephanie.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Bray Wyatt—the match starts off with Ziggler trying to take down Wyatt. Best laugh of the evening. Bray sends him flying into the ropes and scoops him up and viciously slams him down. He taunts Ziggler by bending backwards and laughing. Ziggler takes him down with a dropkick. He also attacks Rowan who gets on the apron. Bray takes advantage of the distraction and violently plows into Ziggler. Back from commercial and Wyatt is still dominating Blondie Locks. He does a reverse chin lock while Rowan and Harper look on. Wyatt charges at Ziggler who is in the corner but he moves out the way and mounts a comeback. He does a swinging neckbreaker and goes for the pin but Wyatt kicks out. He hits him with the FameAsser and goes for another pin attempt but Wyatt kicks out. Ziggler gets distracted by Harper and Rowan. Wyatt dances with him before nailing him with Sister Abigail. Winner: Bray Wyatt

Another video package highlights Goldust’s partnership with Booker T and his solo shenanigans. The people who did these packages truly deserves recognition for all of their hard work. On the off chance that you see this, I commend you for your sheer awesomeness.

Paul Heyman, Curtis Axel and Heyman’s vet, I mean personal doctor come out the ring. Heyman is on crutches. Heyman claims that he either tore his meniscus or his ACL and that he needs a proper MRI in the states. So now he has to withdraw from the match on Sunday night. He claims that he looked forward to being in the match and that this hurts him. Cry me a river you phony ass bitch. Here comes Brad Maddox to save the day with Dr. Sampson in tow. He forces Heyman to let the WWE doctor do an exam on him. Maddox says the only way he can get out of the match is to let the WWE doctor determine if he is truly injured.  They do this exam in the middle of the ring and Heyman is pissed. Dr. Sampson determines that he is just fine because there is no bruising or swelling. CM Punk comes out with a kendo stick and Heyman runs like a cowardly little bitch. What a quick recovery. In the confusion of laughing at Heyman, I missed the part where Punk hits Axel and Heyman’s doctor. Punk beats him down with the kendo stick.

Brie/Natalya/Naomi vs. Alicia Fox, Layla, and Aksana—AJ is on commentary. While she has one funny line that she delivers, it is in no way shape or form a damn pipebomb. Not everything a wrestler says is a pipebomb. Naomi and Aksana start off the match and they go for a lockup. Aksana backs Naomi up into the ropes and Naomi drops her like a bad habit. Naomi nails her with the Rear View and goes for the pin but Aksana kicks out. Naomi goes to the top rope and Aksana pulls her down. Here comes Layla and that has been needs to retire. She goes for a pin but Naomi kicks out. Layla goes for a leg drop but Naomi wisely moves out of the way. Here comes Alicia Fox and Natalya. Nattie suplexes Alicia Fox. Nattie goes for the pin but Aksana breaks it up. She hits Alicia Fox by accident and Natalya sends her flying out of the ring. Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter and Alicia Fox taps out quickly. Winner: Brie, Natalya, Naomi

R-Truth vs. ADR—the match starts off with a lockup and a struggle for power. He takes Truth down with a shoulder block and R-Truth starts punching the boring out of Del Rio. Del Rio reverses the momentum and R-Truth sends him flying thru the ropes. He does a suicide dive and Del Rio kicks him as he was trying to get in the ring. Del Rio slams his face repeatedly in the apron before rolling Truth into the ring. He has a side headlock locked in and Truth powers to his feet. He rolls up Del Rio but the lackluster champion kicks out. He starts stomping away at Truth before going for the pin but Truth kicks out. Del Rio goes for an assault but Truth takes him down. He suplexes him down and goes for the pin but Del Boring kicks out. Del Rio power slams him down and follows it up with a sick kick to the head. He locks in the Cross Arm Breaker, Truth taps out. Winner and still boring: Alberto Del Rio

Cesaro vs. Santino Marella—once again Cesaro forgets to take off his cosplay outfit. Colter goes on his racist tirade again. Someone needs to mute his ass. The match starts off with a beautiful dropkick from Cesaro. Cesaro throws him down to the ring and Santino starts with his overselling and comedic punches. Cesaro swings him around for a full minute, too bad he didn’t launch the twit into the crowd. Santino goes to punch him but falls flat on his face. Cesaro is punching the stuffing out of Santino. Santino does his little split before bringing out the Cobra. Cesaro uppercuts his ass and goes for the pin but Santino kicks out. Cesaro drops him and goes for another pin but Santino kicks out. Cesaro does a running uppercut before going for the pin and Marella kicks out again. Santino tosses him down and scores the win. WTF is wrong with the WWE? Winner and still a joke: Santino Marella

Damien Sandow vs. The Miz—the match starts off with a lockup and Sandow putting the Miz in a waistlock, somehow the Miz reverses it. Sandow throws an elbow and puts the Miz in a side headlock. Miz fights out and nails him with a high elbow. He suplexes Sandow and Sandow puts him in the corner and starts attacking him. Miz gains the upper hand and goes for a pin but Sandow kicks out. He puts his knee firmly in the back of Sandow. Sandow does a drop toe hold and puts the Miz on the ropes. He goes for a pin but Miz kicks out. After a series of knees, Sandow does a Side Russian Leg sweep before nailing the Miz with the elbow of disdain. He goes for a side headlock and the Miz fights out. He takes Sandow down with a high running knee and a boot to the face. He dropkicks Sandow in the leg and here comes Summer Hoe and Fandango to interrupt. Sandow rolls the Miz up for the win. Winner: Sandow with the assistance of Plushy and Summer Eve.

Renee Young interviews Goldust. He talks about how he is the screwup of the Rhodes family. He goes on to give an honest promo about his past. He says that it was stupid that Cody got fired because of Triple H. Before he can deliver his catchphrase, here comes Triple H to get in his head. Let the mind games begin.

Randy Orton vs. Goldust—if Goldust wins, Cody will get his job back. The match starts off with Goldust lunging at Orton and attacking him. Randy tries to reverse it but he ends up eating a punch from Goldust. The Golden One is dominating Orton’s marshmallow ass. Orton rolls to the outside to create some separation between the two. Orton finally gets in the ring and they go for a lockup and Orton kicks him. He takes Goldust down and goes for the pin but Goldust kicks out. Ladies and gentlemen this is a slobberknocker as JR would say. More twists and turns than a football game. Orton is stomping away at Goldust. He goes for the pin but Goldust kicks out at two. He goes for a side headlock and the crowd is trying to motivate Goldust. He breaks free and now the fight is on. After lots of action Orton has Goldust down and he starts mocking the crowd. Orton goes for the RKO but Goldust nails him with CrossRhodes. He goes for the pin but Orton kicks out before three. Orton rolls him up for the win but Goldust kicks out. Orton nails him with the RKO. Winner: Randy Orton

Orton taunts him and Daniel Bryan as he stands over him with his title firmly in hand. Orton ain’t playing when it comes to his title.

Goldust is shown walking the hallways when Stephanie comes up to him. At first she seems sympathetic to his plight but she twists that knife around a little bit. She lets him know that he disappointed everyone in his family, the WWE universe. I need to take lessons from her.

RVD vs. Ryback—ADR comes out to bore us with his little speech about how he will remain the champion at Sunday. The match starts off with RVD kicking Ryback. Ryshrek throws him in the corner and Ryback gets taken down by RVD. Ryshrek fights back and starts clobbering away at RVD. Ryback slams RVD’s head repeatedly into the mat. He does the abdominal stretch on RVD. RVD kicks him and launches himself into Ryback’s open arms. RVD takes him down and goes for the pin but Ryback kicks out. Ryback sends RVD flying out of the ring and into the barricade. He picks up RVD and sends him crashing groin first into the ring post. Ryback delivers his finishing move Shell Shocked. Winner by DQ: Rob Van Dam

Big Show is shown walking towards the ring and Stephanie ever so gently reminds him that he cannot touch any member of the Shield or he will be fired. His job is to sit ringside and do nothing. Big Show has a temper tantrum and throws an outdated TV to the ground.

Dean Ambrose vs. Daniel Bryan—Dean Ambrose is accompanied to the ring by Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. Here comes Big Show to sit ringside. The match starts off with Bryan attacking Ambrose. Ambrose quickly regains the momentum and turns the tide on Daniel Bryan. Here comes DB with his kickng. Ambrose rolls out of the ring and says he might be hurt. He confers with Roman and Seth before getting back in the ring. Daniel Bryan kicks him and does a snap mare takedown before kicking him in the back. Ambrose takes him down with a shoulder block and Daniel Bryan kicks him again. He uses Ambrose as a surfboard before Dean grabs the ropes. Ambrose shows off his psychotic side. Here comes Daniel Bryan to gain the momentum. While Ambrose is taunting him, DB rolls him upWinner: Daniel Bryan

Here comes Randy Orton to attack. The Shield attacks Daniel Bryan and Big Show is powerless to shit about it. Here comes Triple H and Stephanie to order Big Show to knock out Daniel Bryan. He gets in the ring and Orton bosses him around. Orton gets taken down by Daniel Bryan who stands over Orton with ORTON’s title.

Match of the Night—goes to Randy Orton and Goldust. It was good to see Goldust back in action.

WTF Moment—goes to some of the wrestling fans for being morons. The Goldberg chants during a Ryback match is just fucking stupid. Ryback clearly knows more moves than Goldberg so sit down and shut the fuck up.

In closing, I am conflicted about the show. On one hand I loved it and on the other hand I thought some parts were boring. The video packages were awesome but there was too much filler and not enough action. So now that Daniel Bryan has a victory maybe some of the IWC will stop crying like little bitches. For those constantly whining about the show just shut the fuck up and enjoy the program or find a new show to watch. Make sure you all check out  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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