Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 09/02/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match on RAW. We have 13 days before the NOC PPV. What does the Corporation 2.0 have in store for us tonight? What will the fallout be from the CM Punk/Paul Heyman fight from last week? How many times will Big Show cry and blubber like a ginormous baby that hasn’t had his nap yet? I want to take the time to say this, for so long the IWC wanted Orton to turn heel and now that you got it all you can do is bitch. Please stop whining and crying and give the WWE a chance with their storylines. We are live from Des Moines, Iowa and on commentary we have Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole and the insufferable JBL.

The show opens with Triple H in the ring with the Shield standing guard. I love when the show opens with a shot of the Shield. Triple H has Randy ‘Mr. Steal Yo Title’ Orton come out. Orton gets on the microphone and goes into a long winded spiel about how people need to respect him and the WWE. He goes on to say that if you disrespect him then you need to be dealt with. He uses Daniel Bryan as an example. Recaps are shown of Orton owning Daniel Bryan’s scraggly ass. He asks the crowd if DB should face him at NOC for the WWE title. The crowd says yes but Orton says no. He does this with a few more questions. Triple H goes on about how Orton as champion is best for the business. He goes on to say that he is worried about the health and welfare of Daniel Bryan; he says the crowd is helping him with his delusions. He brings up the Doink the Clown and why he was never WWE champion because it was bad for business. Here comes Daniel Bryan to interrupt.  He says that he will never give up on his dreams of being WWE champion, he calls Triple H a corporate sellout. He says that Orton was handed the WWE title. He insults Stephanie McMahon. Hold the damn phone, before he insults anyone’s woman he needs to take a look at the ho he dating. Bitch can’t even wrestle or look pretty and she has the personality of a wet mop. Orton takes exception to the insults and verbally spars with Daniel Bryan.  I am sick of Daniel Bryan bitching and whining. Oh holy exploding ovaries Dean Ambrose is wearing the hell out of that U.S. title. Triple H interrupts him and asks why he is an angry little troll. He says that DB should be angry at Big Show because he did nothing but cry while DB gets beaten. He makes a match between Big Show and Daniel Bryan.

Randy Orton and Triple H are walking in the back when Cody Rhodes makes a comment about the main event. He says it will be great as long as no one gets involved. Cody calls out Orton on his bad behavior and gets placed in a match with Orton. If Rhodes loses, he leaves the WWE.

Fandango vs. Miz—They start off trading blows. Miz slams him down but Fandango slaps him. Miz goes for the Figure Four but Fandango goes to the outside. Miz kicks him and goes outside after him. He drops the annoying dancer wannabe on the barricade. Summer Rae better sit her non-existent ass down and shut the hell up. She goes to slap the Miz but he twirls her around. Too bad he didn’t send her flying into the ring post. He gets back in the ring and rolls up Fandumbo but he kicks out. He continues to dominant Fandango. This match is about as interesting as taking a math exam. Miz kicks Fandango and goes for the pin but Fandito kicks out. Back from commercial and Fanprancer is in charge. He goes for the pin but the Miz kicks out. Miz broke his nose. That bleach blonde bimbo better sit her ass down. I am really sick of the fucking Barbie doll types that cannot wrestle. Miz goes for the Figure Four but Fandingus counters. Miz has the Figure Four Locked in. Still looks sloppy as fuck. Winner: The Miz

Daniel Bryan is in the back and Booker T says he needs to talk to him. He warns him that he cannot win the fight against the McMahons. He uses Booker’s line against him. He says this isn’t about the title or money but his life. Booker T says he will get hurt if he doesn’t tread lightly.

Dolph Ziggler comes out for his match with a mystery opponent. Dean Ambrose comes out and attacks him from behind.  He is stomping away at Ziggler. He throws him into the ring post and taunts him about respecting the business. This is my stance on it, I heard the comments Ziggler made about Orton and if he is that damn unhappy there is the fucking door. Boy Bye! Focus on your own damn career before trashing others. Sorry Ziggler fans but I lost all respect for Blondie.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback—the match starts off with Ziggler striking at Ryback. Ryback delivers a brutal belly to belly suplex to Ziggler before punching the bleach out of Ziggler. Ryback helps him up and tosses him like a ragdoll across the ring.  He slams him repeatedly into the mat before stretching out his face. He stomps away at Ziggler. He viciously throws Blondie into the corner. He goes for his meathook clothesline but Ziggler dropkicks him. Ziggler starts punching away but Ryback delivers the meat hook clothesline. Ryback does the Shell Shocked maneuver on the little bitch. Winner: Ryback

Stephanie and Paul are shown talking about someone when Brad Maddox informs them that the Big Show is refusing to fight Daniel Bryan. Stephanie said she will handle this. Brad tries to direct her to his locker room but she heads to the ring. She calls Big Show out to the ring. She gives him a warm welcome. She hugs him before leading a soft spoken but icily cold confrontation. She gently reminds him of his financial troubles and lets him know that if he doesn’t comply his iron-clad contract will be null and void. She pulls out all the stops to mentally break him down. The more he cries the more I want to throw a box of tampons at him. She hugs him at the end of her speech. Well played Stephanie. You need to teach a class on manipulation. During the commercial break Big Show had a temper tantrum. Dude, Midol will help with the mood swings.

3MB vs. Prime Time Players—Titus takes on Heath Slater first. Wendy Spice sucks donkey balls as he makes fun of Titus. Titus picks him up and throws him in the corner. He stomps away at the jobber while blowing his whistle. He tags in Darren Young and they double team Slater. Somehow Wendy Spice gets Darren in 3MB’s corner and tags in Jinder Mahal. Darren fights back and goes for the quick pin but Mahal kicks out. Here comes Wendy Spice while the Broken One Drew McIntyre cheers on. Slater goes for a side headlock but Young powers out. Slater goes for a pin but Young kicks out. Here comes Mahal to fight Young. He tags in Slater and they double team Young. Darren starts fighting back and slams Slater halfway across the ring. He tags in Titus and here comes Jinder Mahal. He starts slamming Mahal around, he follows up with a big boot. He goes for the pin but Slater interferes. Young sends him flying. O’Neil slams Jinder Mahal down. Winner and still more talented than 3MB: Prime Time Players

Brad Maddox is on the phone when Paul Heyman interrupts him. Heyman is pissed about the Night of Champions PPV and he is still pissed about the stipulation from the match between Punk and Axel last week. Maddox looks like nervous and scared. Triple H comes in there and tells Brad to leave. He tells Heyman that he approved of the match. Triple H says that he is a fan of Heyman’s and how he weasels his way out of precarious situations. However in this match there is no weaseling out of it.

Bray Wyatt has a promo shown about Kane. This promo is awesome, creepy, and amazing. He implies that Kane is gone. He says that Kane made his bed and now he is burning in it. Creepy.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton—if Cody loses he is fired from the WWE. The match starts off with a lockup and Orton putting Cody in the corner. He throws elbows but Rhodes starts punching away at his opponent. He throws Orton into the corner and Orton takes him down with a shoulder block. Orton drops him on the top rope and then slams his face in the turnbuckle. He sends Cody flying thru the ropes and goes outside to attack him. Rhodes fights back before throwing Orton in the ring and goes for a quick pin but Orton kicks out. He has Orton down but Orton powers out but Cody dropkicks him. He goes for a pin but again Orton kicks out. He takes Orton down with a clothesline and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. He strikes Cody down and goes for the pin but Cody kicks out. Orton is taking his time as he strikes out at Cody.  He kicks him and has him in the corner and is punching away at Rhodes. Cody fights back and suplexes Orton.  He has Orton in the corner and is striking away at him. Orton does a sweet and vicious neckbreaker and backbreaker from the second rope. Back from commercial and Rhodes and Orton are fighting outside the ring. They get back in the ring and Orton rolls right back out. Cody follows him and Orton does a backdrop on the barricade. Orton and Rhodes are back in the ring and Orton goes for a pin but Rhodes kicks out. Randy has him in a side headlock and Cody fights out with a series of elbows to Orton’s midsection. He takes him down and punches Orton. He goes outside the ring and does a dropkick from the top rope. He goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. He goes for the Disaster kick but misses, he connects and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out at two. Cody goes to the top rope for a moonsault but Orton moves. Orton goes for the pin but Rhodes kicks out. Orton nails him with the DDT from the second rope. He goes for the RKO but Cody counters with the Cross Rhodes.  Cody goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Orton kicks him in the face and uses the ropes to his advantage. Rhodes rolls him up but Orton kicks out. Orton nails him with a RKO. Winner: Randy Orton

Triple H comes out to congratulate Cody in one breath and in the next fires him. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

CM Punk comes out to cut a promo on Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel. He has a kendo stick in hand. He promises everyone that he will end Paul Heyman. He says that he is done talking as everything has been said before. He makes it clear that he is ready to fight Paul Heyman. He promises to break Heyman’s face at NOC.

Daniel Bryan and Big Show face off in the locker room. Show says that he doesn’t want a part of this fight tonight. DB says it doesn’t bother him one bit. Big Show whines about having no choice in the matter. DB says it doesn’t matter as he will beat Big Show.

Naomi vs. Brie vs. Natalya—winner gets a shot at AJ and her title at NOC. AJ skips her way out ringside to watch the match. Brie goes after Natalya and Naomi goes after Brie. Natalya rolls up Naomi for the win but Brie interferes. Brie faceplants her and goes for the pin but Naomi kicks out. Brie and Nattie fight it out while Cameron catches her breath. Naomi tries to roll up Brie but sends her flying outside the ring. Nattie puts Naomi in the Sharpshooter. Naomi rolls her thru. AJ gets in the ring to interfere and everyone in the ring is beating the shit out of her. She needs to backup what she says. We learn that there will be a fatal fourway between the women at NOC.

Damien Sandow vs. RVD—the match starts off a lockup. Sandow backs him up into the corner. He sends RVD flying into the corner and RVD takes him down. RVD starts kicking him. Sandow sends him flying down to the mat. He goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. RVD goes for a pin but Sandow kicks out. Sandow puts his knee in the back of RVD before locking in the chin lock. RVD fights out and has the upper hand when Del Rio comes strolling out. Sandow takes advantage of the distraction and rolls RVD out of the ring. Back from commercial and Sandow is in charge of the match. He slams RVD backwards and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. He puts RVD in a side headlock and RVD powers out.  He slams him backwards again and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out again. After much back and forth action RVD hits the Rolling Thunder. He goes for the Five Star Frog Splash but Sandow rolls him up but RVD kicks out. He goes to the top rope and nails the Five Star Frog Splash. Winner: RVD

We learn that during the commercial break, Stephanie makes the fatal four way match for the Divas Championship.

Josh Mathews interviews Cody Rhodes before he leaves the building. Cody cuts a fantastic goodbye promo. He blames his loss on the stipulation. He claims the McMahons hate the Rhodes family. Poor Rhodes, I almost cried watching him get emotional.

The other superstars come out to watch the Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan match. We learn that Edge will come back for one night only next week. Oh yay!!!!!! I would be more impressed if Beth Phoenix came back.

Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show—Big Show is reluctant to get in the ring with his little buddy. Blinky as I now call Daniel Bryan yells at him to fight him. DB starts fighting him and Big Show is screaming he doesn’t want to do this. Show slams him out of the ring. DB runs in the ring and dropkicks him in the knee and starts kicking him. He goes for the pin but Big Show kicks out. After much whining and crying from the Big Show he head-butts Daniel Bryan. DB takes him down with a kick to the knee. He starts kicking him again and holy shit learn a new move. Show goes for a chokeslam but DB kicks him. DB goes to the top rope and goes for the flying goat but Big Show spears him down. Big Show acts like he is going to knock him out but he tries to leave the ring. Here comes the Shield and Triple H. He orders Show to get back in the ring to finish it but Show says no. They have a standoff. While this is going on the Shield attacks Daniel Bryan. Show gets in the ring to attack them and Trips gets in between them. The Shield triple powerbombs Daniel Bryan while Big Show cries like a baby. Dear God someone give him some chocolate and a tampon. Trips orders him to knock out Daniel Bryan. He goes to do it but pussies out. He goes out of the ring and here comes Stephanie McMahon to guilt him into getting back into the ring. He goes to punch Trips but Stephanie blocks him. He finally knocks out Daniel Bryan. Good little bitch, there you did it now go blow your nose and shut the fuck up. Here comes Randy Orton to stand on Daniel Bryan with the title held high.

Match of the Night—goes to Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton. These two never have a bad match. While I am sad to see Cody go (not really), I wish him all the best.

WTF—this goes to the WWE creative for not having matches for my boos in the Shield.

In closing I thought the show was decent. It was decent enough to earn a solid B+. Please quit bitching about the storylines, I really don’t want to have to punch people in the throats but I am fucking sick and tired of your constant ass whining. Some of you cry more than Cena. For those constantly whining about the show just shut the fuck up and enjoy the program or find a new show to watch. Make sure you all check out  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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