Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 08/19/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

*Disclaimer* Explicit language ahead. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match of RAW. Tonight we are live from Anaheim, California and we will see the fallout from last night’s PPV. Look I know we all bitch and moan about the WWE but for fucks sake some of you make it into an Olympic Sport. Congratulations Smarks you make me want to beat my head against a fucking wall, either shut the fuck up and enjoy the product or change the fucking channel. It’s that fucking easy or maybe you can have your mommy change the channel for you since you’re too damn busy pissing and moaning over a title change. A quick recap of the PPV last night is shown and the more I see it the happier I am with the end results maybe not all of the matches ended the way I wanted them too but hey I will take what I can get. On commentary we have Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and King Fucktard JBL.

John Cena comes out to kick off the show. Why can’t he just go have his damn surgery and take time off? No one has time to hear him run his fucking Shronkey mouth. He claims to be disgusted about what happened last night and the crowd lets him know that he sucks. He said that Daniel Bryan earned the title shot. That’s right thank Daniel Bryan for carrying your worthless ass during that match. If your fucking elbow was so damn bad then you should stay at home and cry in your fucking Fruity Pebbles. He wants to claim disgust about Triple H handing the title to Orton, and he says that he is leaving the WWE for 4-6 months. Bye bitch!!! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. He calls out Daniel Bryan to join him in the ring. Cena shakes hands with him before giving him the microphone. Surprising he leaves the ring.

Before he can talk here comes Stephanie McMahon. She has a microphone in hand and apologizes to him for the screw job last night. She lays all the blame on Triple H, saying what he did was ‘best for the business’. Daniel Bryan calls Stephanie trash and goes on to say he isn’t afraid of being fired. He vows to get revenge either on Triple H or Randy Orton. She responds by blowing smoke up his ass. Or at least she did until she said he was championship material. He implies that she is a bitch. He says he doesn’t deserve this treatment, if you don’t like it leave bitch. He knocks the microphone out of her hands like a spoiled ass troll. She has security come down to the ring and he is escorted out of the building. As he is being escorted out he starts screaming no. I really wish they would taze his ass.

Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes—the match starts off with Sandow attacking Cody Rhodes. Cody takes him down and Sandow plants him in the corner and is shoulder blocking him. Cody takes him down again and goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Rhodes goes flying over the top rope but stays on the apron. He comes back with a missile dropkick to Sandow. He follows that up with knocking Sandow out of the ring. He goes after him and suplexes him to the floor. He throws Sandow into the ring and goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Sandow gets to his feet and breaks Cody’s hold. He sends Cody thru the ropes and Sandow goes out after him. He suplexes Cody and drops a knee on him before going for the pin but Rhodes kicks out. Cody goes to the top rope but Sandow pulls him down. He goes for the pin but Rhodes kicks out. Back from commercial and Sandow is dominating the mustache free Cody Rhodes. He does his Side Russian Leg sweep before doing the Elbow of Disdain. He goes for the pin but Rhodes kicks out. He sets Rhodes up on the top turnbuckle but Cody elbows him off. Cody does a fucking moonsault off the top rope and struggles to his feet. Sandow and Rhodes trade blows before Cody does a backdrop on him.  Cody goes for a Cross Rhodes but Sandow counters. Sandow goes for a move but Rhodes counters with a Disaster Kick and Sandow rolls underneath the ropes. Sandow exits the ring and gets back in after using the ropes to take Cody. Cody rolls him up for the win. Winner: cod He does his Side Russian Leg sweep before doing the Elbow of Disdain. He goes for the pin but Rhodes kicks out. He sets Rhodes up on the top turnbuckle but Cody elbows him off. Cody does a fucking moonsault off the top rope and struggles to his feet. Sandow and Rhodes trade blows before Cody does a backdrop on him.  Cody goes for a Cross Rhodes but Sandow counters. Sandow goes for a move but Rhodes counters with a Disaster Kick and Sandow rolls underneath the ropes. Sandow exits the ring and gets back in after using the ropes to take Cody. Cody rolls him up for the win. Winner: Cody Rhodes

Brad Maddox is shown backstage and he talks about how Dolph Ziggler went on to trash Triple H’s role in the Daniel Bryan/John Cena match. He says he has never trusted Triple H since he (Ziggler) started working there. He is then placed in a 3 on 1 handicap match with the Shield.

Paul Heyman is in the ring and it looks like the old walrus fucker is injured. His left arm is in a sling. He talks about the match between Lesnar and Punk. Here’s my thoughts on the match. It was fucking amazing and the wrong man won. Heyman goes on to rant about Punk. He tells Punk to apologize to him and he will take him back. He goes on to say that he forgives Punk for his transgressions. He says that he will guide Punk back to the WWE Championship. That together that they can be the best in the world.

Cameron and Naomi are shown prepping for their upcoming match when the Bella Twits come up to them and tell them that they better make them proud since they are representing the Bellas’ show Total Divas. I’m sorry but someone better tell them dick slurping heifers to step the fuck back. Just because you are servicing two of the top talent doesn’t make you better than anyone else. So take your cheap ass clothes, cheap ass clown makeup and get to the back of the line. Veterans don’t quit like little losers and come crying and begging to come back when your so called modeling career doesn’t take off.

Cameron/Naomi vs. AJ/Layla—still waiting for the skipping accident to happen. Before the bell rings Layla and Psycho AJ attack Cameron and Naomi. Naomi and AJ start off the match and AJ takes Naomi down. She does a neckbreaker. Naomi fights back and AJ kicks her. Look I’m not trying to be a meanie or a bully but for fucks sake if you are going to wear booty shorts, then fucking make sure you have an ass to fill it out. AJ has her in a submission move but Naomi refuses to tap out. AJ slams her face in the turnbuckle and hops on her back again. While AJ is yelling at Cameron, Naomi takes the bitch down with a beautifully executed kick. Here comes Layla and she knocks Cameron off the apron. Naomi rolls up the washed up irrelevant bitch for the win.  Layla has a hissy fit. Same for AJ. Winners: Cameron and Naomi

Dolph Ziggler vs. The Shield—Ambrose and Ziggler start off the match. Dean and Ziggler fight it out for a few minutes before Ziggler takes him down. He goes for a waist lock but Dean tags in Seth Rollins. Seth and Zigglypuff are aggressive as hell with one another. Roman takes him down when the referee isn’t looking. He gets tagged in and uses the ropes to choke Ziggler. He tosses him in the corner and tags in Ambrose. Ambrose starts kicking away at him and goes for the quick pin but Ziggler kicks out. Here comes Rollins and he kicks the bad dye job out of Ziggler. Here comes Ambrose and he is twisting the hell out of Ziggler. Ziggler bites Ambrose and then jumps on his back. Ambrose fights out like the badass mother fucker he is. Here comes Reigns who receives a neckbreaker. Here comes the other two and they get sent flying to the mat. Seth Rollins took a nasty bump when Dolph suplexed him over the top rope. Dolphikins you may be pretty to look at but you need to be careful. Reigns spears him out of nowhere. They taunt Ziggler before triple powerbombing his ass.  Winners and still the best in the WWE: The Shield

ADR vs. Sin Cara—the match starts off with Del Rio aggressively attacking Sin Botcha. Sin Cara does get in some offense and sends Del Rio to the outside of the ring. He goes for a suicide dive thru the ropes and fucking injures himself. He immediately calls for the referee and the doctor is trying to look at him but Del Rio wants to slap the shit out of Sin Cara. He stomps away and the referee keeps him away from the injured Sin Cara. Winner: because Sin Cara botched: Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio isn’t happy and who the fuck can blame him. He makes a speech about being a hero to the Mexicans and Latino communities. Ricardo makes his triumphant return. He says Del Rio isn’t a hero to him or to the Latino community. Shots fired! He says that he is happy that he doesn’t have to be by Del Rio’s side anymore. He announces that he now represents Rob Van Dam. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat the fuck? RVD and Del Rio fight it out and zero fucks are given by me.

Swagger/Cesaro vs. Prime Time Players–Of course Uncle Pippi Longstocking is out there to spew his racists little rants. Someone needs to hide his batteries from him. Cesaro and Young start off the match. Cesaro has the momentum but Darren quickly does a toss takedown on him. Here comes Swagger fresh off the tag and Darren tags in Titus O’Neil. Titus is owning Swagger until Swagger kicks him. Here comes Cesaro and he suplexes Titus. He goes for a pin but O’Neil kicks out. Here comes Swagger to attack with knees to the midsection. While the referee is distracted, Cesaro attacks O’Neil. O’Neil fights his way out of the corner but Swagger takes him down again. He starts working on the ankle of O’Neil. Titus kicks him but Swagger scoops him up and slams him down. Swagger goes for the Swagger bomb and tags in Cesaro. Cesaro goes for the pin but O’Neil kicks out. Swagger puts him in another corner. He drops Swagger like a bad habit. He tags in Young and Cesaro gets tagged in as well. Darren back throws him. Young suplexes him and goes for the pin but Swagger breaks it up. Young gut checks Cesaro. Winners: Prime Time Players

Renee Young interviews Big Show and asks about him joining with Mark Henry. He says he will join up with Mark Henry to challenge the Shield for their tag team titles. Here comes Brad Maddox to stop the interview. Apparently Big Show was naughty and insulted Triple H. He is booked into a handicap match with the Shield. The only difference between this match and the one they had previously is that they can be in the ring together. Which doesn’t bode well for the Big Show.

There was a Foot Locker commercial with Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel. Here comes Fandango and Barbie, I mean Summer Rae. Barbie called and she wants her look back bitch.

Here comes Ryback and he bullies a worker in the back. This is painful to watch and boring as hell. Sorry but don’t you have the be a Star program. Looks like Ryshrek needs to take a vacation or eat a Snickers. Snickers satisfies the bitchiness.

Big Show vs. The Shield—the Shield rush to attack him and Big Show throws Reigns out of the ring. He works on taking down Ambrose and Rollins. Unfortunately he throws Ambrose out of the ring and Rollins quickly follows. He spears Reigns when he gets back in the ring. Ambrose pulls him to safety. Ambrose distracts him and Rollins goes in for the attack. Show grabs him by the face and Dean jumps on his back. Poor Rollins as Show stands on his back. Ambrose gets ready for a chokeslam but Rollins comes in and attacks. They take down the Big Show and Ambrose goes for a pin but Show kicks out. They try to tag team suplex him but Show takes them down. Here comes Reigns with a spear.  Rollins and Ambrose pick him up and they triple powerbomb him. Winners as if there was any doubt: The Shield

CM Punk comes out to the ring to address Paul Heyman and his match with Lesnar at SummerSlam. Punk has a nice confrontation with a fan in the front row that booed him. This is why I love Punk he doesn’t care who he challenges to a fight. If you are going to challenge a wrestler at least have the balls to get in the ring with him. Oh wait that’s right you vagina having Lesnar fan. Punk tells Heyman to come out there and he may get the apology he is looking for. Here comes Walrus fucker with Turdis Axel in tow. Punk says he is sorry that he took his eyes off Lesnar and that he didn’t rip off Heyman’s arm. He goes on with a vicious and violence laden promises. He says he will get his hands on Heyman and get his revenge. Heyman responds by saying he is sorry for what is about to happen to Punk. He tells Axel to go tape his hands up in preparation for a fight with Punk. That’s like sending a baby to do an adult’s job. He says that if Punk is still in the ring after the commercial break that he and Axel will finish the job Lesnar started last night.

 Back from commercial and Punk is sitting in the ring. He attacks Axel as he gets in the ring. He smashes the chair in his back and sends him flying to the floor outside the ring. Axel might get one or two punches in but Punk owns his untalented and worthless ass. Heyman grins like a little bitch that stole the last brownie as Axel takes it to Punk. That smirk doesn’t last long as Punk nearly kills Axel. He takes the ring bell and slams it into the stomach of Axel. He tosses him into the ring and calls for the GTS. He goes for it but Axel counters with a hit to the back of the knee. He works the left leg of CM Punk. He drives the chair into the leg of Punk. He does his weak ass looking neckbreaker. He grabs the chair and taunts Punk. He wraps the chair around the knee of Punk but Punk moves out of the way. He nails Axel with the chair. Punk slams him head first into the steel steps. He does the GTS and the way his head bounces off the steel steps is fucking awesome. Heyman and Punk stare each other down as Heyman awkwardly waddles backwards up the ramp.

R-Truth vs. Bray Wyatt—Wyatt is accompanied to the ring by Harper and Rowan. Bray taunts him before charging at him. R-Truth does have some momentum but that collision with Bray knocked him down. Bray bends backwards in the ring as he yells at Truth to get up. When he does get up, Bray charges at him. He dances with him for a minute before nailing him with his finisher. They stand over his prone body. Winner: Bray Wyatt

The new gimmick for Primo and Epico looks fucking stupid. Sorry WWE creative but I will not be giving this gimmick a chance.

3MB vs. The Usos—Heath Slater and a Uso kicks it off. Dear wrestling gods, please smite Slater with talent. He tries to take down the Uso but fails to do so. The Usos double team him and then go for a pin but he kicks out. That was a decent clothesline and here comes Drew McIntyre to provide outside assistance. Here comes Jinder Mahal and he gives Uso a knee to the face. He does a series of knee drops before going for a pin. Uso kicks out. Here comes Wendy Spice and he goes for a pin but Uso kicks out. He starts stomping away but takes too much time primping. Sorry but I couldn’t sit thru this match. Winners and still irrelevant in my opinion: The Usos

Miz vs. Wade Barrett—the match starts off with Barrett kicking the Miz in the stomach. He goes for a side headlock but Miz fights out. He slams Barrett to the mat. He does a running leap at Barrett who is in the corner. Barrett kicks him and goes for the pin but Miz kicks out. Barrett chokes him with the ropes. He kicks Miz out of the ring. After he gets back in he puts Miz in another side headlock and Miz elbows his way out of it. Miz goes for a rollup but Barrett kicks out. Miz has the figure four leg lock locked in and here comes Fandingo with a legdrop off of the top rope. Sorry but Summer Rae and DingleberryO need to step the fuck back.

Brad Maddox lets Stephanie McMahon know that Daniel Bryan is back in the building. She heads into Vince’s office to let him know.

All the superstars are on the stage awaiting the coronation of Randy Orton. The Shield is ringside to protect them from Daniel Bryan. Vince, Stephanie and Trips are in the ring and they talk about their actions from last night. They did it for the business which I can accept. Others need to follow suit and get over their butt-hurt feelings. Here comes the newly minted WWE champion, Randy Orton. I still think he should dye his beard. He shakes Vince’s hand, shakes Triple H’s hands and then hugs Stephanie. He talks about how he told everyone that he would do it when least expected. He says he owes this to Triple H and they hug it out. They call out Daniel Bryan and he comes out to get beaten up by the Shield. However he gets the best of them and gets in the ring. Orton RKOs him and Vince, Triple H, Orton, and Stephanie stand over him victorious.

Match of the Night—goes to the Shield. Sorry but you knew I was going to do it. They kicked ass and they proved they aren’t going anywhere. The sooner some of you twitches realize it the better of we will be.

WTF—goes to the Foot Locker commercial and the Ryback segment. Stop wasting our fucking time with this shit.

In closing, I thought the show was fucking fantastic. I got to see the Shield three times and that makes me happy. Honestly if you go into the show with no expectations you won’t be disappointed. I give tonight’s episode an A+. Make sure you all check out  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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