Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown Review 08/09/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I breakdown each segment and matches on SmackDown. We are on the road to SummerSlam and it’s looking like it’s going to be one helluva PPV. On commentary we have Michael Cole and oh shit JBL. Come back to commentary Alex Riley, I will cook dinner for you and iron your clothes. Just please stop JBL from talking. On tonight’s lineup we have Randy Orton facing RVD, we get to see another dose of Miz TV, and Kofi Kingston takes on Fandango. So grab a bottle of water, sit down and read all about SmackDown. *Disclaimer* There is foul language in here so don’t read the Brock Lesnar paragraph if you are easily offended. I say what is on my mind and I don’t have a filter.

Randy Orton vs. RVD—once again Orton has his binky with him. The match starts off with RVD putting Orton in a side headlock and Orton takes him down. Orton goes for the side headlock but RVD sends him flying into the ropes but it backfires when Orton takes him down with a shoulder tackle. After much maneuvering RVD kicks Orton. To the dude in the crowd with the whistle, kindly shut the fuck up. Orton takes down RVD but RVD powers to his feet. Orton dropkicks him and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. RVD kicks him and runs the ropes but Orton dodges which sends RVD flying thru the ropes. The fight goes to the outside of the ring. Orton goes to slam RVD’s face in the steel steps but RVD blocks him and does it to Orton. He then drops Orton on the barricade where Orton stupidly lingers as RVD gets in the ring. RVD does a flying kick to Orton. Dude you could have fucking moved. Back from commercial and both men are in the ring and Orton has control over the match. He is stomping away at RVD before putting him in the corner so he could punch away at his opponent. RVD throws an elbow at Orton before going to the top rope and Orton pushes him down to the floor. While RVD is down, Orton follows him and drops him spine first on the barricade. He rolls him in the ring and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. Orton grabs him by the hair before putting him in a chokehold. RVD is struggling to break free but Orton is refusing to let go. RVD is throwing elbows and punches to break the hold. He kicks Orton again before scoop slamming him down. He follows up with a moonsault and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. He goes to the top rope and launches himself at Orton. He goes for another pin but Orton kicks out again. He does the Rolling Thunder but Orton sidesteps it and counters with a sick and twisted backbreaker. Orton goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. Orton takes his time before clotheslining RVD, he nails him with another clothesline before powerslamming him. He goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. Orton sets him up for the DDT from the second rope but RVD counters and goes for a bridge pin but Orton kicks out. He sets it up again but Orton dropkicks him. He goes for the DDT from the second rope and nails it. Orton panders to the crowd before going to his happy place. He goes for the RKO but RVD counters with a kick. RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder and goes for the Five Star Frog Splash but Orton moves. Orton nails him with the RKO and gets the pin. Orton, I love you but either shave or use the Just for Men hair coloring products.  Winner: Randy Orton

The MizTV segment with AJ and Big E Langston is up next. A recap of Big E’s match with Dolph Ziggler is shown and how Kaitlyn interferes. Miz asks what the relationship is between Big E and AJ. She says that Big E is there for her as a friend. She then calls Big E her best friend. Miz is condescending to Big E as he says cool. Miz brings up her past relationships with Cena, Daniel Bryan, Punk, Kane and Dolph Ziggler. She tries to play the victim but Miz calls her out on it. She rants and says they got what they deserved because they played with her emotions. She whines about Kaitlyn turning her back on her. I think AJ has a faulty memory. She says the Divas championship will never leave her side. She sounds hysterical as she insults Dolph Ziggler. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. He gets in the ring and says that women cannot get over him. She tries to reverse it on him but he plays it cool. Here comes Kaitlyn to interrupt. She says that Dolph may not be able to touch AJ but she can. They both insult her and the Miz is trying to regain control of his show. He makes a match for SummerSlam between Dolph/Kaitlyn and AJ/Big. Kaitlyn taunts AJ and AJ attacks her. Big E pulls Kaitlyn off of AJ and Dolph attacks him. Kaitlyn spears AJ. Her spear is better than Goldberg’s spear. Big E, you never tell a pissed off woman to calm down. That just infuriates us even more.

Alberto Del Rio is in Vickie G.’s office and is whining about his match against Christian tonight. Vickie lights into him and says she doesn’t work for him. She gently reminds him that he screwed her over when she allowed him to choose his opponent for SummerSlam. She calls his attack on Ricardo despicable. He whines what if he gets hurt and Vickie makes it clear she doesn’t care. Way to go Vickie G. I think I’m starting to like this new you.

Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston—a quick recap of their match is shown from Monday. The match starts off with both men attacking one another. Fandango takes him down and Kofi takes him down. Kofi has him in the corner and splashes him. He sends Fandango flying into the ropes and goes to attack but Fandimbulbo sends him flying over the ropes. He goes to the outside of the ring and delivers a suplex to Kofi. He puts Kofi in the ring and goes for a pin but Kofi kicks out. He sends Kofi flying into the ropes and knocks him down. He goes for a reverse chinlock and Kofi is trying to power out. He gets to his feet and takes Fandango down. He goes for the pin but Fandumbo kicks out. Kofi sends him flying shoulder first into the ring post. Kofi is owning Fandango and the dancing one goes to the outside to take a breather. Kofi kicks him thru the ropes and here comes Critter Chick aka Summer Rae to scream and fawn over Fandango. Kofi goes to the top rope and is screaming at her to move her ass out of the way. Kofi launches himself anyway while she bellows about her injured ankle. Fandango sends Kofi flying head first into the steel post as Summer Bitch jumps to her feet. Fandango goes to the top rope and delivers a leg drop. He goes for the pin. Summer Rae, learn how to take acting lessons you insipid little troll. Your acting is so bad you almost make the Bella Twins look like top notch actresses. Winner: Fandango

Renee Young interviews Daniel Bryan and asks him about the corporate makeover. He says he likes the way he looks and that talking about cutting the beard was the game changer so he gave Wade Barrett a makeover. He screams the beard is still here.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett—Barrett is clean shaven from his makeover on Monday night. He brings out a set of clippers to the ring and puts them on the announcer’s table. The match starts off Barrett viciously attacking Daniel Bryan. The crowd is behind DB as Wade takes it to Daniel Bryan. DB mounts an offense and starts kicking Wade Barrett. Wade sends DB flying over the top rope. He follows DB outside and sends him flying into the barricade and then into the steel steps. He helps DB into the ring and goes for the pin but DB kicks out. He uses the ropes to choke DB until the referee forces him to break the hold. Barrett taunts him as he has DB tangled into the ropes he knocks him down and goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Barrett starts stretching his arms backwards and DB powers out. Barrett sends DB flying into the corner and DB goes for the dropkick but Barrett nails him with the Winds of Change. He goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Barrett goes to the outside while DB is laying there. He grabs the clippers and goes to shave the beard but DB kicks him away. DB does a knee to the face off the apron and tosses Barrett into the ring. He does the Flying Goat and locks in the Yes Lock. Barrett taps immediately. DB grabs the clippers and sets them on the steel steps and stomps them. Winner: Daniel Bryan

Renee Young is interviewing Damien Sandow. She shows him a recap of Cody Rhodes stealing his MITB briefcase and the return of the briefcase on RAW. She goes to ask him a question and he yells at her. He reminds everyone that he is the victim and he reveals a new briefcase. He tells everyone that he has a brand new contract and that ADR should watch his back at all times.

Kane vs. 3MB—the match starts off with 3MB trying to attack Kane but he knocks them all down. Mahal and McIntyre hold Kane so Heath can attack. Kane counters with a big boot and sends the three jobbers over the top rope and goes to the outside to beat the shit out of them. He sends McIntyre into the steel steps and tosses Slater over the announcers’ table and into the barricade. Best use of Slater so far. Mahal is in the ring and Kane focuses his attention on him. He chokeslams Mahal and goes for the pin. Winner: Kane

Bray Wyatt shows up on the Titantron chanting Ring of Fire. You see Harper and Rowan standing behind him. Wyatt goes on to say that he likes that kind of match that Kane has arranged. He says that Kane’s fire fears Bray Wyatt. This is the best and creepiest promo from the Bray Wyatt so far. He lets Kane in on the secret that he is already dead.

*Disclaimer: Don’t read this paragraph if you are easily offended. Don’t say I didn’t warn you* Brock Lesnar cuts a promo on his match with CM Punk. He says that it is personal between the two and that he has never liked Punk and that he has let Punk exist this long out of respect for Heyman. Dude don’t even speak you sound like you have your wife’s balls in your mouth. Brock when I look at you I don’t see a beast or the best, I see a bitter little bitch who needs to fucking go away. We don’t see Punk curled up in a little ball crying like a broken little bitch crying because you got punched in the stomach and lost your UFC matches. People say that your health issues are serious, if they are so serious why is he still wrestling? Shouldn’t he retire and take up a less dangerous hobby like knitting. Oh wait, he would probably stab himself in the eye with a knitting needle.  GO HOME BROCK, you are nothing more than a whiney ass bitch who should have just stayed gone. SO take your limited schedule and go fuck off. You are nothing more than a cuntasaurus. Take your disappearing eyebrows and your penchant for hopping on the apron and go home. Size won’t matter when Punk makes you tap out like the pathetic bitch that you are.

Christian vs. ADR—the match starts off with ADR quickly attacking Christian. ADR puts him in a side headlock and doesn’t want to let go. They break apart and ADR takes him down with a shoulder block.  They go for a lockup but ADR nails Christian with a kick. Christian somehow makes a comeback and goes for a quick pin but ADR kicks out. He has ADR in a side headlock and ADR powers to his feet and puts Christian in the corner. He does a snapmare takedown on Christian and follows it up with a kick. Christian sends ADR flying over the ropes and goes for a dropkick thru the ropes which sends ADR flying into the announcer’s booth. Back from commercial and Christian is still in charge of the match until ADR sends him flying. ADR goes for a double foot stomp on Christian’s back. He goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. He sends Christian flying into the corner and goes to launch himself but Christian blocks him. He goes to the outside of the ring and tries to pull Christian down but Christian counters. Christian goes to the top rope and goes for a suicide dive but ADR sends him flying into the barricade. ADR stomps away at his opponent. He throws Christian into the ring and goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. ADR goes for a headlock but Christian kicks out. He kicks ADR but ADR sends him flying again and kicks him in the head. ADR goes to the outside to attack his opponent who is laying over the apron but Christian moves. ADR attacks him and is stomping away at Christian. The referee has to separate the two men and Christian bitch slaps him. Both men are on the top rope and both men go flying to the floor. Back from commercial and both men are in the ring. ADR dropkicks Christian and goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. ADR is working the shoulder of Christian as he uses the ropes, he takes advantage of the five count. ADR is on the ropes and Christian goes to the top and delivers a beautiful Hurricanrana. He goes for the pin but ADR kicks out. They trade slaps and head-butts before ADR puts Christian in the corner. Christian delivers a missile dropkick and clubs him with a right hand. He does a cross body and goes for the pin but ADR kicks out. He goes to the top rope and delivers an elbow to the face. He goes for the Killswitch but ADR counters. ADR delivers a cursed backbreaker and goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. ADR has Christian in the corner again but Christian kicks him out. Christian goes for another Killswitch but ADR counters with a backstabber.  He goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. He steps on Christian until the ref forces him to move. ADR gets speared and Christian goes for the pin but ADR kicks out. ADR pleads for mercy and attacks Christian. He sends him flying shoulder first into the ring post. He calls for the Cross Arm Breaker and Christian counters with a pin but ADR kicks out. Christian rolls him up for the win. Winner Christian.

ADR attacks Christian but he nails him with a Killswitch. Here comes Damian Sandow to cash in his MITB contract. Here comes Cody Rhodes to interrupt Sandow. He nails his former BFF with a Cross Rhodes.

Match of the Night—this honor goes to Christian and Del Rio for putting on one fanfuckingtastic match.

WTF moments-goes to not having the Shield on SmackDown, having JBL run his ignorant mouth and allowing Brock Lesnar to speak. You should always have the Shield on TV. JBL needs to shut the fuck up and Brock Lesnar should never be allowed to cut a promo or do an interview.

In closing, I thought SmackDown was decent. There was great buildup to the matches at SummerSlam. . I give tonight’s showing a B+. Hopefully RAW will be great too. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/live-nation-radio-network. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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