Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown Review for 07/12/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I breakdown each segment and match of SmackDown. Tonight we are live from Hampton, Virginia and this is the final show before the MITB PPV this Sunday. We are getting matches such as Daniel Bryan vs. Christian and Randy Orton vs. Sheamus. On commentary tonight we have the improved Michael Cole and the insufferable JBL.

Daniel Bryan vs. Christian—this match is kicking off the show. The match starts off with both men looking up at the briefcase hanging over the ring. They start if off with DB going for the left arm of Christian. Christian escapes him and goes to the top rope to deliver a missile dropkick. After Scraggly Do is down, Christian goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Christian needs to stop with that clapping shit. DB is standing on the outside of the apron and Christian charges at him but DB anticipates this so he shoulder blocks Christian. He gets in the ring and starts stomping away at him. He takes Christian down with a kick to the midsection. DB goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. DB is stretching out Christian’s arms but Captain Charisma powers out. He starts showing off his aggressive side as he takes down DB. He goes for the pin but DB kicks out. DB goes to launch himself at Christian but ends up flying over the top rope. Christian does a baseball slide but DB dodges out of the way. DB gets on the apron and delivers a knee to the nose. Back from commercial and Christian drags DB into the middle of the ring and goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Christian starts kicking him until DB gets to his feet. He is throwing elbows until Christian flings himself into the ropes. DB sends him flying thru the ropes, DB goes to launch himself thru the ropes and Christian punches him. Both men are down as the referee counts but the two opponents get in the ring and Christian goes for the sunset flip. They are trading punches and kicks. I’m sorry but this match is about as entertaining as watching infomercials. DB climbs the top rope to do his flying goat but Christian moves out of the way. Christian goes to the top and goes for the tornado DDT but DB counters. He is kicking Christian but Christian counters and takes him down. He goes for the spear but DB kicks him. DB goes for the pin but Christian stays alive. DB sets him up in the corner and delivers a dropkick to Christian. Christian spears his ass and goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Christian goes for the Killswitch but DB counters. DB gets the Yes or No Lock submission move locked in. Winner: Daniel Bryan

Teddy Long is shown talking on the phone when he is interrupted by Dolph Ziggler. Teddy gives Dolph the night off but Dolphiepoo doesn’t like this. Teddy says that he will not let anyone interfere in the matches he has set up tonight. Dolph accuses him of being friends with ADR. Dolphikins then declares he will be WHC on Sunday night.

Jey Uso vs. Seth Rollins—Rollins is accompanied to the ring by his Shield cohort, Roman Reigns. Jey Uso is accompanied to the ring by his twin brother Jimmy Uso. The match starts off with a lockup before Rollins gets in position. I do not support the Usos in anyway shape or form. Sorry but if the Usos take the titles from the Shield, I swear I will fucking riot. Those two moronic dim bulbs don’t deserve a title push. Uso takes down Rollins and puts him in the corner. He goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Seth takes him down and goes for the pin but Uso kicks out. He goes for another pin but once again Uso kicks out. Rollns launches himself at Uso who is in the corner. Jey punches him but Rollins kicks him. Rollins is chopping him in the chest but Uso gets his energy back and takes down Rollins. Roman gets on the apron but Jimmy Uso kicks Roman. Jey rolls up Rollins but Rollins kicks out. Reigns superman punches Jimmy Uso, take that you little bitch. Jey goes to the top rope but Rollins yanks on the ropes. Seth pins him. Winner: Seth Rollins

Rollins and Reigns get on the announcers table to celebrate.

A recap of the Vickie Guerrero job evaluation is shown. I don’t care what you say but it is still hilarious as fuck to watch. Grown ass women shouldn’t have hissy fits like that. I still cannot believe that Brad Maddox is now the RAW GM.

Chris Jericho vs. Curtis Axel—Axel is accompanied to the ring by Paul ‘Twinkie Toes’ Heyman. The match starts off with Axel attacking Jericho viciously. The referee is forced to break it up. He flings Jericho into the corner and Jericho starts fighting back. Jericho takes him down and goes for the pin but Axel kicks out. Jericho dodges when Axel comes flying at him which causes Axel to meet the steel ring post shoulder first. Jericho goes for the codebreaker but Axel counters and smacks Jericho’s head into the turnbuckle. He goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. Back from commercial and Axel is in charge of the match. He goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. Jericho is on the ropes and Axel straddles him and is being a little bitch. Jericho fights back and he suplexes Axel and goes for a bridge pin but Axel kicks out. Axel does the same but Jericho kicks out. He has Jericho in the corner and is stomping away but Jericho fights back. Jericho goes to the top rope and hits him with a crossbody. He goes for the pin but Axel kicks out. Jericho hits him with a running bulldog. Somehow Jericho is on the apron and Axel delivers a neckbreaker. He goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. I love Jericho and I think he is extremely talented but even he fails to make Axel shine. Axel goes to pick up Jericho but Y2J counters. He goes for the Walls of Jericho but Axel rolls him up but Jericho kicks out. Axel goes flying out of the ring after getting the smarts kicked out of him. Both men are outside the ring and Axel is having an AJ Lee moment. He tosses Jericho into the ring but as he is distracted by commentary, Jericho nails him with the codebreaker. The referee counts him out. Winner by Countout: Jericho.

Looks like the love child of Grizzly Adams and the Brawny Man is about to have a temper tantrum. This is why toddlers shouldn’t have wrestling matches when they skip their naps. Someone needs a timeout and a nap ASAP.

Miz vs. Ryback—the match starts off with a lockup and Miz somehow putting Ryshrek into the corner. He strikes Ryback and helps him over the top rope. Miz goes flying off the apron to strike Rybaby. Both men are in the ring and Ryback is making the Miz his little bitch. He does a leg drop on the Miz’s face. He clubs him like a baby seal and is kicking the Miz’s orange ass. Just stay down Miz, it’ll go quicker if you pretend to be asleep. He steps on the Miz’s head and he allows Miz to fight back. Miz goes for the injured knee but Ryback slams the Miz into the mat repeatedly. I need to learn how to do that move. He scoops up the Miz and throws him down. He goes to attack the Miz but Miz counters with knees to the midsection. Miz is fighting back and he dropkicks Ryback in the bad leg. Miz sets him up for the figure four leglock but Ryshrek rolls out of the way. Miz sets him up on the ropes and is kicking his leg. Ryback is down on the ground screaming about his leg while the referee checks on him. Run Miz!!! The referee helps him up and it was all a ploy from Ryback. He slams the Miz down and nails him with the Shell Shocked. Winner: Ryback

Renee Young is interviewing Sheamus about his MITB match and his upcoming match with Orton. He says that he will rid the WWE of the Viper. Bitch sit down and read a book. He says that when he wins the MITB match, pints are on him. He comes back to flirt with Renee Young.

Up next is the Divas match contract signing between AJ and Kaitlyn. They are surrounded by Layla, Natalya, Cameron, Aksana, Naomi, Alicia Fox and Big E. Kaitlyn and AJ are sitting across from one another before AJ gets on the microphone and dog out the divas division. Teddy interrupts her and tells her ‘nobody has time for that’. She signs the contract and before she hands over the pen to Kaitlyn, she threatens to embarrass Kaitlyn. Layla takes the pen out of AJ’s hand and gives it to her friend. She threatens to reveal the text messages Kaitlyn sent to her secret admirer. She reads the texts that Kaitlyn sent about other divas. AJ tells her to rip up the contract and to leave. Kaitlyn tells her no and gives it back to AJ.  She keeps going and AJ bitch slaps her, Kaitlyn shoves the table and AJ into the corner and is pummeling her before Big E pulls her off. Kaitlyn super bitch slaps him and spears the Crazy Bitch AJ. AJ is knocked the fuck out. SHE PIMP SLAPPED BIG E!!! That was awesome!!

Fandango is shown flirting with his image in the mirror as Summer Rae giggles like a twit.

Fandango vs. Wade Barrett—Zeb Colter and his minions Swagger and Cesaro are with him. Dear Summer Rae, its okay to shut your pie hole. We get the fact that you have more teeth than a horse. Dear Fandango, Disco Inferno and 3 Count called they want their costumes back. The match starts off with Fanprancer dancing around the ring. Barrett hits him and goes for the pin but Fanconceitedo kicks out. Barrett is whooping his ass and is delivering knee after knee to the midsection. He sets Fanditzo on the ropes and is attacking him as Team Rhodes Scholars comes out for a bitch fight with Cesaro and Swagger. Fandango rolls up Barrett for the win. Winner: Fandango.

Barrett is pissed as the bitches at ringside have a mini catfight.

A recap of the Wyatt family is shown. We learn that Kane is unable to compete in the MITB match. For the fans chanting Husky Harris at Bray Wyatt. Sit down and shut the fuck up. For those bitching about the fake lantern. It was a fucking LED Lantern so once again sit down and take your Midol and shut the fuck up. Enjoy the shows especially if you are there at a live event. Y’all are what’s wrong with wrestling fans getting a bad reputation. Oh look at us we are smarter than everybody, let’s show it by chanting stupid ass stuff.

Sin Cara vs. ADR—something is off with this match as Sin Cara hasn’t botched his own entrance. Plus he is showing some personality which is something he has never done before. Oh he must have raided Dolph Ziggler’s closet since he is wearing his boots. He attacks Del Rio before the bell even rings. The match starts off and Del Rio hightails it out of the ring but Sin Cara brings him back. What? Sin Cara hits him with the Zig Zag and didn’t botch it. He does Ziggler’s wiggle dance and takes off. Ha-ha it was Ziggler as Sin Cara would botch everything.

Vickie Guerrero comes out screeching and honestly I don’t understand the high pitched screams. Someone needs to give her a Xanax. She is demanding that Teddy Long be fired. He reminds her of the two words that Stephanie had for her and tells her that he has one word for her: SECURITY! He has security escort her ass out of the building as the crowd sings to her.

Sin Cara is shown walking backstage and Teddy Long is screaming at Dolph Ziggler. He thinks Sin Cara is Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler shows up and apologizes for leaving his phone in a locker room. He compliments Sin Cara on his great match. HAHAHA!!!! This actually might make me like Dolph Ziggler.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus—the match starts off with a lockup and Orton planting Ginger Snap into the corner. Sheamus reverses it and both men are trading blows back and forth. Sheamus has him in the corner and is beating him until the referee breaks it up. Sheamus suplexes Orton and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. He is working the left arm and shoulder of Fluffy Orton. Orton proves that you shouldn’t count him out as he fights back. Sheamus slams him down and the fight goes to the outside of the ring. Sheamus bounces Orton’s head off of the announcer’s table. Come on Orton as he clotheslines Sheamus to the floor. Back from commercial and Orton is dominating the Celtic Warrior. Stay down Lobster Head. I want Orton to win this. Orton dropkicks Sheamus and goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. Orton locks him in the side headlock and Orton has his legs wrapped around Sheamus. Sheamus is trying to power to his feet. Both men are on their feet trading blows. Sheamus gets to his feet first and takes down Orton again. Orton clotheslines him and then powerslams him. He goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. Holy hell that kick from Orton sounded sick as fuck. Sheamus hits him with the Cursed Irish Backbreaker. He goes for White Noise but Orton fights back. Orton hits him with a backbreaker and goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope but Sheamus counters. He is on the outside of the ring and Sheamus takes him clubbering. He scoops Orton up and does a rolling Senton.  He calls for the Brogue Kick but Orton moves. He goes for the RKO but Sheamus elbows him. Orton connects with his DDT from the second rope. He is taking too damn long to pander to the crowd. HIT HIM WITH THE RKO ALREADY. He goes for the RKO but Sheamus counters. Sheamus goes to the top rope but Orton yanks on his foot. Sheamus hit his Celticicles on the top rope. They are both on the top and go falling down to the mat. The referee starts to count them out and here comes Scraggly Do to grab a ladder. He takes down Orton and Sheamus with the ladder. He sets up the ladder and Sheamus hits him and pulls him down. Sheamus climbs up the ladder and here comes Christian to take him down. Save it for Sunday you trifling bitches. Orton RKO’s DB and he climbs the ladder. He grabs the Briefcase. My inner fangirl has fainted from the excitement of Orton doing that.

Match of the Night—this honor goes to Kaitlyn for bitchslapping Big E and taking down that little bitch AJ. Also this goes to Orton for grabbing the briefcase. He needs it more than that trifling goat boy or the old man Christian.

The WTF Dishonor—goes to Daniel Bryan interfering in that match. He didn’t have any business being out there. Also shame on you WWE for not having the golden man of wrestling on SmackDown. Ambrose should have been there to either have a match or cut a promo.

In closing, I thought the show was okay. There were a couple of standout moments but that was it. Please don’t fuck up the MITB PPV. Also please don’t break the Shield up, I don’t think I could handle the heartbreak and devastation of it. . Make sure you all check out  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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