Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown Review for 07/06/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I will breakdown each segment and match of SmackDown. We have Michael Cole and the ever so angry JBL on commentary.

CM Punk’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. We see the MITB briefcase hanging high over the ring. A recap of the tag match, he was in with Curtis Axel is shown. Damn, he firing shots at John Cena’s promos. He talks about what the 4th of July means to him. Punk says he is going to prove the naysayers wrong. He also talks about how he wants to get his hands on Brock Lesnar. He says he will be WWE champion again. Here comes ADR to interrupt, dude seriously looks lost without Ricardo by his side. He claims that SmackDown is his show. Bitch, sit down and let Punk talk. No one wants to hear your whining or crying. You have the WHC title for now, but soon it will be around the waist of Dean Ambrose or Dolph Ziggler. He starts whining that Dolph Ziggler ruined his fiesta a few weeks back, my advice to you is get over it. He calls the fans sheep, Punk calls him out on his hypocritical behavior.  Del Rio orders Punk to leave but Punk says no but to make him leave. Here comes Teddy Long, he makes a match between the two men as the main event.

Punk is in his locker room when Paul Heyman comes up to him. I don’t trust a smiling Paul Heyman. Heyman rants about this match and offers to get Punk out of this match. Punk refuses and Heyman starts talking about the MITB match. He wants to be in Punk’s corner during the MITB match but Punk once again refuses his request.

Usos vs. Team Rhodes Scholars—Sandow goes on his little rant and says that Rhodes Scholars will remain strong even though they will be competing against one another. The match starts off with Rhodes and one of the Usos kick it off. The Uso smacks Rhodes and gets him in the Uso’s corner. He tags in his brother and panders to the crowd. This gives Rhodes time to attack him. He tags in Sandow and he delivers a side Russian Leg sweep and then the Elbow of Disdain. Here comes Rhodes to slam the Uso down. A quick tag to Sandow and they double team the Uso. The Usos work well together as they take down Sandow and Rhodes. Winners: The Usos.

The Shield is shown on the Titantron and Rollins taunts them. Please have Dean speak. Roman says they will not take the titles away from them. Oh my, Ambrose is talking about him winning the MITB match.  OH MY DAMN!!! Believe in the Shield.

Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn—Layla is accompanying the former Divas champion to the ring. The match starts off with Alicia taking it to Kaitlyn. Alicia slams her down and goes for a bridge pin but Kaitlyn kicks out. She takes her down again and goes for another pin but Kaitlyn kicks out again. She has her in a choke hold and slams her back into the mat. She slams her face into the turnbuckle before putting her in the side headlock. Kaitlyn counters and is throwing elbows. Here comes AJ again. While Kaitlyn is distracted, Alicia kicks her in the back of the head. AJ gets knocked off of the apron and while Kaitlyn is gloating, Alicia rolls her up for the win. Winner: Alicia Fox.

AJ runs to the back like a scalded cat and Kaitlyn chases her. I used to respect AJ until she started this shit with Kaitlyn. Man up, you little troll and fight your own battles. If you can’t stand the heat get the hell out of the ring.

AJ is shown running thru the back when the Bella twits stop her. They warn her to watch her back because the Divas title will be theirs soon. Big E reminds her about Dolph and she says they cannot wait for him. AJ screams at him to run. Nice to see that the Bella twins are delusional about being the future Divas champ. Sorry but that title is reserved for divas with wresting abilities.

Renee Young is interviewing Christian and Randy Orton. She talks about their storied rivalry. Christian says he has beaten him in the past and will do it again tonight. Marshmallow Fluff Orton says that Christian will find out why you should take Orton seriously. He says that he will beat Christian in ‘one more match’ and that he will win MITB. I love you Orton but pull your head out of your ass. You are not going to win MITB.

A promo for the Wyatt family is shown. They will make their grand debut on RAW on Monday night. Please do not screw this up WWE.

Randy Orton vs. Christian—the match starts off with Orton taking Christian down. Both men fly into the ropes and Orton takes Christian down with a shoulder tackle. Christian takes Fluffy Orton down with an elbow. He sends Orton flying into the corner but Orton takes him down. Orton goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. Christian has Orton on the ropes and he jumps down to the apron to hit Orton but Orton dodges. Orton pulls him up on the apron and sets him up for the DDT from the second rope. Christian counters and sends Orton crashing into the mat. Back from commercial and Christian is in control. He is stomping away at Orton but Orton is mounting a comeback. Orton takes him down a Thesz press and is punching the charisma out of Christian. Christian goes outside the ring and uses the ropes to take down Orton. He goes to the top rope and does a cross body. He pins Orton but Orton kicks out. He locks in a side headlock and Orton powers to his feet.  He is throwing elbows and launches Christian into the corner. Fluffy looks a little winded as he head-butts Christian. Christian slaps Orton and turns his back on Orton which was a mistake. Orton dropkicks him and goes for the powerslam but Christian counters. Orton has Christian in the corner and is beating the stuffing out of him. Christian kicks him and Orton slams him down. He goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. Holy shit Orton is proving that he might have his balls back as he does a new move. He rolls Christian up but Christian kicks out. Christian goes for the Killswitch but Orton counters with an RKO but Christian counters that with a slam. Christian is taking too much time as he sets up for the spear but it connects. He goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Orton kicks him and nails him with the DDT from the second rope. He goes to his dark place and pounds the mat. He goes for the RKO but Christian counters. He goes to the top rope but Orton moves out of the way. Orton nails him with the RKO and scores the win. Winner: Randy Orton.

Teddy Long is on the phone when Paul Heyman knocks on the door. Teddy Long tells Heyman he wants him to join in on commentary during the main event. Paul winks and smiles at Teddy Long before walking off. The twinkie titted walrus is up to something.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Drew McIntyre—‘Wendy Spice’ Heath Slater and ‘Jobby Spice’ Jinder Mahal are accompanying their job squad member ‘The Chosen Jobber’ Drew McIntyre. The match starts off with Drew throwing Dolphikins into the corner. Dolph counters and goes for a pin but Drew kicks out.  Drew tosses Dolph into the corner. He goes for the pin but Dolph kicks out. He is punching the bleach out of Ziggler’s head.  He goes for another pin but Dolph kicks out. He goes for a submission move while the Jobbing Squad cheers him on. Is it just me or are they the Spirit Squad part two? Ziggler is trying to get out of the ring so he could put some distance between them. Drew goes to kick him but Dolph moves and the ‘Chosen Jobber’ meets the ring post. Ziggler buys himself some time and he dropkicks Drew in the face. He goes for the pin but Drew kicks out. Ziggler nails him with a vicious Zig Zag. Winner: Dolph Ziggler.

Here comes the other two bitter bitches to attack him. Ziggler uses his quickness to escape the ring. Heath challenges him and Ziggler obliges him. He eludes them once more. There are three of you twitches and one of him. Are you that fucking pathetic that you cannot take down one man?

Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel—the match starts off with Fanprancero shaking his hips as if to adjust the volume on his pants. Gabriel goes for his high kicks but Fandumbo grabs the ropes.  He shakes his ass while Gabriel is down on the ground. Dude its wrestling not a twerking video. Gabriel goes to throw him over the ropes but Fandango holds on for dear life. Gabriel knocks him off the apron and goes to launch himself at Fandango but gets kicked in the head. Fandango goes to the top rope and does a leg drop. Winner: Fandango.

Seriously someone should tell Summer Rae that it is possible for one to keep their lips closed. Every time the camera pans to her she has her mouth open like a creature from the Critters movie.

A video package from Zeb ‘Yosemite Sam’ Colter, Jack ‘Hightimes’ Swagger and Antonio Cesaro. Colter is bitching about something, whenever he talks it sounds jibberish to me. Poor Cesaro, he doesn’t deserve to be paired with the albatross that is Jack Swagger. He deserves so much better.

CM Punk vs. ADR—Paul ‘Walrus Fucker’ is going to be on commentary. The match starts off with a lockup and Punk putting Del Rio in the corner. ADR strikes him with a kick and a punch but Punk counters and is owning his ass. Del Rio seems off his game without his little buddy there. Punk is punching him but Del Rio reverses it. Del Rio flings Punk into the corner and Punk moves as Del Rio charges at him. Punk goes to the top rope and Del Rio rolls out of the ring. Back from commercial and ADR is in charge until Punk flips him over. He delivers a shoulder block to the midsection of ADR. ADR goes for the pin but Punk kicks out. Punk scoops ADR up for the GTS but ADR counters. ADR kicks Punk in the head and goes for the pin but Punk kicks out. ADR is working the left arm of Punk but Punk is powering out. He punches Del Rio and scoops him up and slams him down. Punk is on the top rope and ADR kicks him again. He goes for the pin but Punk kicks out. He goes for the Cross Arm Breaker but Punk counters. He launches himself at ADR but ADR catches him and delivers a backbreaker to him. Both men are outside the ring. Punk goes for the GTS but ADR counters and slams him shoulder first into the barricade. He then sends Punk flying over the announcer’s table. Heyman tries to talk ADR out of it but gets knocked the fuck back to the zoo. This sets Punk off and he viciously attacks Del Rio. This match is declared a no contest as both men are counted out.

The match of the night goes to Randy Orton and Christian. Even though we have seen it a million times both men gave this match their all.

The WTF moment goes to JBL and Michael Cole on commentary. Please quit being ignorant, moronic twits on commentary and call the damn matches. JBL, every time words or sounds come out of your mouth, I want to jam a fork in my ear. Please quit commentary and go back to climbing mountains or playing golf. You suck so bad on commentary, you make Josh Matthews sound like JR. If you need someone on commentary and if JR doesn’t want to come back, use Paul Heyman.

In closing, I thought SmackDown was really decent. I wish there would have been more of the Shield but I got to see them for a minute so I am happy. I give the show a grade of an A. Make sure you all check out We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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