Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review For 7/1/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match of RAW. I will praise those that deserve and trash the ones who failed to impress me. Vickie G. opens up the show from her office where she announces the match between John Cena and Alberto Del Rio. On commentary tonight we have the talented duo of Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler, oh yeah and let’s not forget the annoying JBL.

Daniel Bryan comes out to the ring where a ladder is set up and the MITB briefcase is hanging from the rafters. He references the weak link comments and making Orton tap out last week. He is delusional if he thinks he is going to win the WWE title contract. That honor belongs to Punk or Christian. He gets the crowd riled up and they start chanting YES! YES! YES! I cannot believe that little troll referenced Hulk Hogan on RAW. I can understand referencing Bruno Sammartino, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Rock but not Hogan. Sorry but not really I cannot take Scraggly Do seriously. Here comes Sheamus to interrupt. Sheamus reminds him of his loss in 18 seconds at WM 28. Sheamus goes on to say that he will not let DB or anyone else stand in his way at MITB. DB references Sheamus’ commercial and Sheamus calls him a troll. Here comes Randy ‘Marshmallow’ Orton to say that he is starving for a championship. He says that he will win and cash in immediately. DB tells him that he made Orton tap out last week, Orton says he will let it slide one time but if DB disrespects him one more time he will drop him. DO IT ALREADY. Here comes Kane and he is pissed that Orton beat him on SmackDown. Much bickering between Kane and DB and here comes Christian to save us. He says that he is looking for one more match which is the WWE championship. He calls himself the best which prompts CM Punk to come out. Punk acknowledges his respect for Christian and his career but he claims that he is the Best in the World since he won MITB twice. He says he will soon be a three time winner. He addresses RVD and the other men who are in the ring until DB interrupts him. Orton gets in his face but Kane blocks him and DB grabs Kane to bicker with him. Orton turns Kane around and RKO’s him. Punk and Christian leave the ring and so do the others.

The Shield vs. Christian/Usos—Rollins takes on one of the Usos. He is nailing him with some punches but Uso fights back and then tags in his brother. He goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Rollins backs him into the Shield’s corner and here comes Dean Ambrose. The Uso puts Ambrose in their corner and then tags in Christian. Christian hangs Ambrose up on the ropes and Ambrose goes to the outside. The Usos and Christian take down the Shield. Back from commercial and Rollins is kicking the Uso’s ass. Here comes Ambrose and he and Rollins work well together. Dean goes for the pin but The Uso kicks out. Dean stomps him and taunts him too. The Uso powers to his feet but Dean kicks him and tags in Reigns. Reigns slams him down and goes for the pin but the other Uso makes the save. Here comes Ambrose in to taunt and mock them. The Uso kicks Ambrose but Ambrose makes the tag to Rollins. The Uso tags in Christian and he missile drop kicks Rollins. He goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Dean distracts Christian and Rollins kicks him. Here comes Dean to kick Christian’s ass. Christian hits him with a neckbreaker and goes for the pin but Roman saves Dean. Christian goes for the Killswitch and when Seth hits Christian, Dean rolls him up for the win. Winner: The Shield

Kane is in the locker room when DB comes up to him and tells him that he got him another rematch with Orton. DB tells him that he is going to be the special referee. These skits with them are getting older than Mae Young.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Jinder Mahal—Dolphikins isn’t accompanied to the ring by batty AJ and Big E. Jinder Mahal aka ‘Stupid Spice’ is accompanied to the ring by Drew ‘Jobber Spice’ McIntyre and Heath ‘Wendy Spice’ Slater. The match starts with Jinder kicking Dolph. Dolph takes down Jinder and slaps him in the head. Jinder comes back with a shoulder tackle. He goes for the pin but Dolph kicks out. The Jobber Spice Girls are cheering for Jinder. He slams Dolph down and goes for another pin but Dolph kicks out. Jinder is stomping away but Dolph counters with a boot to the face. He delivers a missile dropkick to Mahal and goes for the pin but Mahal kicks out. Jinder takes him down and goes for the pin but Dolph kicks out. He hits the Zig Zag and scores the win. Winner: Dolph Ziggler Big victory my ass, an ant can kick Jinder Mahal’s ass. Drew and Heath get in the ring and start to attack. Dolph uses his quickness to take them all down. He gets on the announcer’s booth to gloat.

Backstage Vickie G. and Brad Maddox are bickering when Triple H interrupts them. He compliments her on her job and says she is listening to the WWE universe. Get a room with all the ass kissing you are doing Vickie. He reminds her to do what he says.

Randy Orton vs. Kane (Special Referee Daniel Bryan)—Scraggly is up in Orton’s face and is apparently giving him hell. The match starts with Kane charging at Orton but Orton is kicking ass. He delivers headbutt after headbutt but Kane punches him in the throat. Kane has him backed into the corner and is dominating until Orton kicks him. Orton uses the ropes to launch himself at Kane but Kane elbows him. Kane goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Kane is working the neck and shoulder muscles of Orton. Come on Marshmallow and kick Kane’s ass. Orton delivers a Lou Thesz press and takes Kane down. He stomps Kane and struts around the ring before stomping again. He delivers a knee stomp to Kane and goes for the pin but Kane kicks out. Kane punches him and he suplexes Orton. Kane helps him and punches him down again. Kane follows up with a knee stomp and then starts dropping elbows. Kane has Fluffy in the corner and Orton goes to the outside the ring. Kane goes after him and helps him in the ring. Orton mounts a comeback and DB separates them. DB calls for the bell to be rung and declares Kane as the winner via DQ. He has the match restart and Orton dropkicks Kane. Kane goes to the outside and DB is holding Orton at bay. Back from commercial and Kane is on Orton like a flea on a dog. He is going after the neck of Orton. Orton is fighting out and Kane squashes him in the corner. Kane delivers a sidewalk slam and goes to the top rope. Orton counters with a dropkick to the midsection. He powerslams Kane and he goes for the DDT from the second rope but Kane counters. He goes for the chokeslam but Fluffy kicks his way out. He connects with the DDT from the second rope. He riles the crowd up and he goes to his happy place. DB stops him and Kane kicks Orton. Kane goes for the pin and DB counts way too quickly. Winner via Referee Shenanigans: Kane. Kane grabs DB in a chokehold and releases after a few moments. Orton RKO’s Scraggly Do.

Curtis Axel, Paul Heyman and CM Punk are in the locker room coming up with a strategy for their upcoming match with the Prime Time Players. Punk says he trusts Heyman but not Axel. Punk, I respect you but you are a moron to trust Heyman.

Fandango vs. Sheamus—someone should tell Summer Rae that its okay for her to keep her mouth closed. Also please turn down the volume on Fanditzo’s outfits. The match starts off with Fandungo dancing around the ring. Sheamus mocks him and he takes down Fanprancer. Fandango mounts an offense and goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. Sheamus clotheslines him and does a shoulder tackle. He slams the dancing wrestler into the barricade. For those that love Summer Rae, I’m sorry but she reminds me of those creatures from the horror movie the Critters. Both men are inside the ring and Fandango kicks Sheamus and goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. After Sheamus takes Pretty Boy clubbering, Fanditzo takes his critter and leaves. Winner by Countout: Sheamus

Miz vs. Ryback—Chris Jericho is commentary which will make this match bearable. The match starts off with a lockup and Cryback putting Miz in the corner. The Miz is going after the left leg of Ryshrek as soon as he gets up of his orange ass. Rytroll is slamming him down repeatedly. He does a snapmare and I think he killed the Miz. Poor Miz!!! Stay down Boo!!! It’s safer that way. Miz is making a comeback or he was until he started trembling like a little baby deer. Holy Shit he is making a comeback. He dropkicks Ryshrek in the leg. He is going for the figure four leglock but Ryback grabs the ropes forcing him to break the hold. Good to see the Miz got his balls back. Ryback had the match stopped. Winner: Miz Jericho gets in the ring and nails him with the Codebreaker.

Mark Henry comes out with a microphone. He talks about their being backstabbing, politics and jealousy backstage. I honestly think he does deserve a WWE title shot. Hell he would be a better champion over Cena.

Vickie and Brad are talking again when Vince comes up. He tears into her over putting Daniel Bryan as a special referee. He thinks the main event is awesome but thinks it should have been a PPV match. He claims she doesn’t understand business and tells her and Brad that they should listen to him.

CM Punk/Curtis Axel vs. Prime Time Players—Axel is escorted to the ring by Paul ‘Walrus Fucker’ Heyman. The more I see Curtis Axel the more I don’t like him. As I have stated before just because you come from a wrestling family doesn’t guarantee that you have the ability to do it. The match starts off with Punk standing there and Axel tags himself in. Axel and Young lockup and Axel throws him down. Axel has Young in the corner before taking him down with a clothesline. Punk is screaming tag me while Heyman looks like a proud moron. Here comes O’Neil and Axel dropkicks him. He took too much time and O’Neil takes him down. He slams Axel down like the worthless bitch he is. Here comes Young and O’Neil suplexes him down onto Axel. He goes for the pin but Axel kicks out. Here comes O’Neil and he is making Axel scream like a little girl. Axel fights out and O’Neil slams him down. Punk finally comes in and is making Young his bitch. He nails him with a running knee and goes to the top rope and delivers an elbow drop. He hits him with the GTS and Axel tags himself in and steals the win. Winners: CM Punk and Curtis Axel Punk refuses to share the victory and he is yelling at Heyman before walking off.

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox—Kaitlyn is accompanied to the ring by Layla. Alicia is trying to whoop ass but Kaitlyn is kicking her ass. She goes for a jackknife cover but Alicia kicks out. Alicia goes for a pin but Kaitlyn kicks out. Alicia is pushing her into the corner and slapping her. HOLY SHIT ALICIA PICKED HER ASS UP! Kaitlyn spears Alicia and gets the win. Winner: Kaitlyn. Here comes AJ and her bitch Big E. OMG this shit is getting old as fuck. AJ shows a distorted photo of Kaitlyn. I don’t know why Big E laughing that could be him.

Vickie and Brad are shown when Stephanie shows up. Stephanie is giving her hell over the AJ segment. Vickie is trying to make excuses. Stephanie shuts her down and lights into her. There will be an official and public job evaluation of Vickie G. She will either be promoted to RAW GM or get fired. Vickie and Brad should take acting lessons.

Cody Rhodes vs. Antonio Cesaro—Jack Swagger and Zeb ‘Yosemite Sam’ Colter are in Cesaro’s corner while Damien Sandow is in Rhodes’ corner. The match starts off with a lockup and Rhodes putting Cesaro in the corner. Cesaro picks him up and slams him down. Cody goes for the rollup but Cesaro kicks out. Cesaro does a double foot stomp to Cody. He delivers a brutal uppercut and Rhodes goes to the outside. Cesaro is like no bitch and throws him in the ring. Cesaro hits him with the Neutralizer. Winner: Antonio Cesaro Sandow stands over Rhodes in disbelief while Cesaro and Swagger do their inbred jed chant.

The Bella Twits are in the back with the other divas who are going to be on Total Divas. I’m sorry but not really but the only reason those two twitches are on TV is because of who they are dating. They ain’t shit but tricks and hoes. So before you two talentless skanks give anyone grief you better take a long ass look in the mirror because you two are not the fairest or the most talented of them all. So take your busted ass implants and your flat asses and get the fuck out of the WWE. The only weight that you two twats are carrying is your over inflated egos. In simple words that you can understand, you bitches suck more than your boyfriends do.

ADR vs. John Cena—for the first time in history, ADR is solo as Ricardo is ‘injured’. The match starts off with them skipping around the ring like kids at recess time. ADR takes Cena down and Cena is fighting to his feet. He slams ADR down to the mat and puts him in side headlock. Zero fucks are given about this match both are sucky ass wrestlers. ADR seems lost without his little buddy there. Cena goes for an AA but ADR leaves the ring. Cena is in control of the match but gets distracted when Mark Henry comes down. Here comes Blondie Ziggler to get on the top rope. Cena nails ADR with the AA. Winner as usual: John ‘Shronkey’ Cena. Mark Henry grabs the title and heads into the ring. He acts like he is going to attack Cena but Cena heads to the ropes like a pussy ass bitch. Henry tosses the belt down to the ground and when Cena moves for it, Henry acts like he is going to lunge at him.

Match of the night—this honor goes to the Shield, Christian and the Uso. This match was action packed and had me glued to my seat. Hey Shield haters suck it because my boys are better than your favorites.

The WTF moment goes to each and every single moment that featured Vickie G. and Brad Maddox. For the love of the WWE universe, we want wrestling not horrible ass acting. This honor also goes to the skanks aka the Bella Twins.

In closing I thought the show was decent but could have been a helluva lot better. Give us more wrestling and less filler. I give the show a B-. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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About John Mayer

31 year old wrestling fan and writer
This entry was posted in Riley Ross, Riley's Corner, WWE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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