With Riley Ross
Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match on SmackDown. We are live from Columbia, South Carolina. On commentary we have the talented Michael Cole and Super Bitch JBL. Before my review continues, I would like to send my condolences to the family and friends of Matt Osborne aka Matt Borne aka Doink the Clown.
Sheamus vs. Sandow—this is a Dublin Street fight. Here comes Sandow to make his long winded speech before making his entrance to the ring. Just so you know Sandow, y’all is a word so suck it. There are beer taps all around the ring along with green colored kendo sticks. The match starts off with Sandow making Sheamus his bitch with a kick and a series of punches. He grabs a green kendo stick but Sheamus tackles him and Sandow somehow sends Sheamus flying outside the ring. Sandow joins him and Sheamus sends him flying into the barricade. He slams Sandow’s face into the mini bar tap and takes him clubbering. He goes to suplex Sandow but Sandow blocks him and follows up with a dropkick. He flings Sheamus into the steel ring post shoulder first, and sends him careening into the beer taps. Sheamus grabs a beer keg and tosses it to Sandow. He then grabs a sack of potatoes and hits Sandow with it. He then dumps the potatoes onto Sandow and takes a bite of one. Sandow in a moment of desperation pulls Sheamus’ leg out from underneath him and sends Sheamus face first into the steel steps. Back from commercial and Sandow is dominating the Celtic Warrior. He tosses two chairs, a kendo stick and a broom into the ring. Sheamus rolls out of the ring and nails Sandow with a green barstool that he grabs. He hits Sandow with an Irish backbreaker and goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Sandow is getting his ass handed to him as Sheamus gives him a rolling Senton on the floor. He then throws Sandow into the ring and he goes to the top rope to hit him with the battering ram. Another kick out from Sandow. Sandow nails Sheamus with the chair and goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. Sandow arranges a chair and hits Sheamus with a drop toe hold and Sheamus hits his face on the chair. He goes for the pin but the Irish man kicks out. Sandow nails him repeatedly with the kendo stick. Sandow goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus tosses a chair at Sandow and then picks up a kendo stick. He is going to town beating him with that weapon. He goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Sheamus sets up two chairs and he is going to try to deliver the White Noise to Sandow but he fails. He then nails Sandow with a Brogue Kick. Winner: Sheamus
Kane is shown in the locker room and here comes Scraggly Do Daniel Bryan. Kane tells him not to brag about making Orton tap out. Kane tells him to leave but DB continues to talk. He says that he will be on commentary if Kane needs help. He hugs an unreceptive Kane before leaving the room.
Miz TV is up next and the special guest is Paul Heyman. Is it just me or is the Miz even more annoying? Walrus Fucker is sitting there all smug like while the Miz starts the interrogation. Miz verbally attacks Paul Heyman for bullying Renee Young. Heyman brings out his client Curtis Axel when the interview goes south. Miz delivers a few Star Wars references and throws a nice zinger to Axel. “Luke, Luke, you are not your father.” Miz and Axel have a war of words before Heyman has to take over for his client. As Miz is delivering his catchphrase Axel attacks him.
AJ vs. Natalya—the unstable Divas champion is accompanied to the ring by Big E. Before the match can start, AJ’s music hits and here comes Kaitlyn to spoof her former best friend. She names AJ’s former boyfriends and even throws a few more rumors out there. She implies that AJ has spent time with the timekeeper, the doctor, and Lillian Garcia. AJ cannot stand it but here’s my thing if you can dish it out to others then you better be able to take it. Finally the match starts and Natalya suplexes her. AJ slams her down as she stares at Kaitlyn as she skips to the ring. Natalya rolls her up for the win. Winner: Natalya
Kaitlyn spears AJ and laughs over her.
Teddy Long is shown in his office on the phone with someone. He quickly hangs up when Vince McMahon walks in. Teddy Long quickly announces the participants in the WHC MITB match: Dean Ambrose, Wade Barrett, Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger, Fandango, Cody Rhodes, and Damien Sandow. In my opinion Fandango and Swagger do not even deserve to be in the same match as Dean Ambrose. However I guess they do need jobbers for the match and well let’s face it those two will never be the WHC. Vince corrects him on pronouncing Fandango’s name. Who gives a flying fuck about pronouncing his name when he isn’t even there.
Randy Orton vs. Kane—Daniel Bryan is out for commentary. The match starts off with a lockup before Kane takes Orton down. The two trade blows before Orton snaps and goes HAM on Kane. Kane lays him out with a brutal uppercut. He dropkicks Orton and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Orton uses a drop toe hold but he fails to capitalize on his momentum. Kane slams him down and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Kane goes to the top rope and flies down at Orton but Orton catches him in the midsection. He follows this up with stomps to Kane’s body. He goes for the pin but Kane kicks out. He flings Kane into the ropes and Kane counters by DDT’ing Orton. Back from commercial and Kane is owning Orton. He goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Kane is working the neck and shoulders of Orton while DB is trying to rile up the crowd to show support to Kane. Orton delivers a backbreaker while DB throws a hissy fit. Orton delivers a Lou Thesz press and starts punching Kane. Kane counters and delivers a big boot. He goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Orton delivers a beautiful standing drop kick to Kane. He goes for the pin but Kane kicks out. Kane gives him a sidewalk slam and goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Orton has Kane on the ropes and is going for his superplex but Kane slaps him down. Kane launches himself at Orton and takes him down. Kane is signaling for the Chokeslam but Orton counters. Orton goes for the pin but Kane kicks out. Orton hits him with a big boot and is on the ropes and Kane punches him off the ropes and onto the floor. Kane follows him and throws Orton into the ring. Orton kicks Kane as he comes into the ring and connects with his DDT from the second rope. Kane is outside the ring and DB pushes him into the ring. Orton connects with the RKO. Winner: Orton
DB mouths that he is sorry to Kane but he cannot stop smirking like a smug little bitch.
Ryshrek vs. Justin Gabriel—Match starts off with Gabriel trying to kick Ryback. After a moment he connects with his kicks. Ryback slams him in his back. He scoops up Gabriel but he fights his way out of it. Gabriel is kicking him in the hamstring. Ryback throws him over the top rope but Gabriel holds on. He comes back with his kicks and dropkicks Ryback. Ryback nails him with Shell Shocked. Winner: Ryback.
Here comes Jericho to taunt Ryback. He calls him Cryback. Shrek looks like he is going to cry like a little girl. Dude, you are supposed to be a beast so grow a set of balls. They fight and Ryback hobbles off like a broken little has-been.
The Shield vs. Christian/Usos—Roman Reigns and one of the Usos start off the match. They go for a lockup and both men go thru the ropes. There is a standoff between the two teams. Back from commercial and Dean Ambrose is beating up one of the Uso twins. He tags in Roman Reigns. Reigns is stomping away on him before the referee breaks it up. He goes for the pin but there is a kickout. The Uso tries to tag in his brother but Roman blocks him. Roman then delivers a superman punch and knocks the other Uso off of the apron. Here comes Ambrose and Christian. Christian is owning Ambrose. He has Ambrose on the ropes and attacks Rollins. He does a cross body from the top rope and goes for the pin but Ambrose kicks out. Ambrose is showing him that it is the SHIELD’s yard. Christian hits him with a tornado DDT and he goes for the pin but Reigns makes the save. All parties are fighting and Christian spears Ambrose when he is distracted. Winner: Christian and the Usos.
So the Shield lost a match, it doesn’t make them weak. Just because the opposing team won the battle doesn’t mean the war is over yet. For everytime you Shield haters tell me they are weak and worthless, they will prove you wrong. I don’t badmouth your precious Cena to you so stop trashing my favorites. However, if you want to go there let’s go. I’m the type of chick you don’t want to piss off.
It’s time for Alberto Del Rio’s fiesta. Ricardo Rodriguez makes fun of the southern accent. ADR comes out to a loud chorus of boos. Shouldn’t you have celebrated when you won the title and not two weeks later? There is a mariachi band, food set up and a piñata with Dolph Ziggler’s face on it. He says that he is going to do his speech in Spanish and the crowd chants USA! USA! USA! Since I don’t know Spanish, I am assuming he is badmouthing Dolph Ziggler and the fans. Boring! Boring! Boring! He grabs a weapon and breaks open the piñata. How badass of you to bust open a candy filled cardboard donkey. He questions whether or not Dolphikins has any balls. He says to come on out and Ziggler obliges him. Zigglypuff sheds his jacket and watch before heading down to the ring. ADR is swinging his bat at ZIggler and Ziggler takes him down regardless. Ricardo gets tossed over the ropes and he comes back in only to be slammed thru the table. Ziggler grabs the guitar and swings it at ADR who runs like the pussy ass bitch he is and he leaves his Ricardo in the ring. Ziggler busts the guitar over Ricardo’s head and grabs the WHC title. He celebrates with the mariachi band to close the show.
Match of the Night goes to Randy Orton and Kane. While we have seen this match a thousand times before it was action packed and one of the most decent matches of the night.
WTF moment goes to the Shield losing and the Sandow and Sheamus match. Please give us fresh matches. I’m begging for you guys to take lessons from Ring of Honor. Also for failing to debut the Wyatt family. Are you deliberately trying to irritate the wrestling fans? On another tangent do not break the Shield up now, it’s way too early in the game for that shit.
In closing, I thought this was one of the worst SmackDowns ever. The show seemed to drag on and the skits seemed never ending and lame as hell. I give tonight’s show a grade of an F-. Come on and pull your heads out of your asses and give us a better product. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.