Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 06/17/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match of RAW. Tonight we are live from Grand Rapids, MI and we will see the fallout from the fantastic Payback PPV. On commentary, we have the jovial Jerry Lawler, the semi-professional Michael Cole and the loud, obnoxious JBL. Sorry but JBL needs to go back to wherever he came from and just stay there.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez kick off the show to celebrate ADR’s WHC win over Dolph Ziggler. So he took advantage of an injury, didn’t Ziggler do that to win his title? He references the Man of Steel movie and calls himself the Man of Gold. There is only one Superman and sweetie, you are so not it. He even references the night Dolph Ziggler cashed in to win the MITB. He says that he gave everything to the fans but got nothing back in return. He calls himself the best and says he will give the fans one more chance to show him the respect he deserves. Here comes CM Punk to save us all. He is accompanied by Paul ‘Walrus’ Heyman. Punk references their match at Survivor Series in 2011. Punk says he is out there because he heard Del Rio call himself the best. Punk says he is the only best out there and he wants to challenge Del Rio to a fight. Heyman interrupts and goes on a verbal assault but Punk interrupts him. Punk puts over Dolph Ziggler who will get a rematch. Del Rio tries to talk Punk out of it but fails to do so. Vickie G. and her henchman, Brad Maddox come out to make the match official. CM Punk vs. Del Rio in the main event. What no John Cena in a main event?

Punk and Heyman are shown talking in the back and Punk is trying to say that he isn’t a client of Paul Heyman. To paraphrase him, he says that he isn’t Curtis Axel or Brock Lesnar, he doesn’t need Heyman to win the matches for him. He goes on to say that he doesn’t want Heyman to be ringside during his matches. Heyman looks hurt but you can tell that he is plotting against Punk.

Wade Barrett vs. Christian—originally the match was supposed to be between Barrett and Curtis Axel but Vickie G. has other plans she announces the return of Christian. The crowd is very welcoming to Christian. The match starts off with Barrett kicking Christian. He is punching him and then flings him into the ropes. Christian sends him flying out of the ring and then launches himself at Barrett. Both men are back in the ring and Barrett sets Christian up on the ropes. He is working on the shoulder of Christian. He goes for the pin but Christian kicks out at 2. He goes for a headlock but Christian fights his way out. Once again he is on the ropes but he delivers a missile drop kick. Barrett flings him into to the ropes but Christian nails him with an elbow and then nails him with the Tornado DDT. He goes for the pin but Barrett kicks out. Barrett kicks him in the gut and goes for the pin but Christian kicks out. Barrett goes for the pump handle slam but Christian counters. Christian nails him with the KIllswitch. Winner: Christian

Welcome back Captain Charisma, I expect nothing but fantastic things from you.

The WWE Universe gets to vote on the stipulation between Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan. Our choices are NO DQ, No Count out or Two out Three falls. Let it be noted that Orton needs to turn heel. Y’all are turning him into marshmallow fluff and while I love marshmallow fluff, Randy Orton needs to be Heel Randy Orton.

Damien Sandow/Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus—the match starts off with Sheamus going on the attack against his two opponents. Zero fucks are given about this lame match. Sandow and Rhodes do work well together to pummel Sheamus. Sandow goes for the pin but Sheamus kicks out. He delivers the Elbow of Disdain and a snapmare. He delivers another Elbow of Disdain and Rhodes starts slapping Sheamus. Cody, you better realize that if you are going to act like a little bitch you will be treated accordingly. Sheamus somehow sends ‘Lovestache’ Rhodes flying over the top ropes and is working on Sandow. Sheamus delivers a brutal high knee and a rolling Senton. He takes Rhodes clubbering and power slams Sandow down. Rhodes goes flying from the top rope but Sheamus catches him and delivers his White Noise. He is prepping for the Brogue Kick but Sandow rolls him up for the win. Winner: Team Rhodes Scholars

Sheamus does exact some revenge as he Brogue Kicks the little bitch Cody Rhodes.

A promo for the return of RVD is shown. Apparently he is returning at the MITB PPV next month. While I enjoyed watching some of his matches in the past, I think RVD should stay gone. I’ve watched some of his matches for the other company and he is lackluster as hell. He is dull and blah to me. I equal him to Brock Lesnar while they have their fans and I am honestly not sure why. They do not bring anything to the table. What are they going to have a stoner vs. stoner match between RVD and Jackass Swagger? Or maybe a dime bag on a pole match between all the other ‘high fliers’.

Triple H is shown with Vickie G. and Brad Maddox. She is so proud of her match that she made between Punk and Del Rio. He asks her if Punk hadn’t confronted Del Rio what the main event would be. She dodges the question and asks him what he thinks of her big surprise (Christian’s return). He tells her that Christian has been ready to return for about a month and a half. They try to take credit for the return of RVD but Trips shoots them down. He does tell her to make an example of the Shield. He thinks that they are running roughshod. It’s the Shield’s yard now. He congratulates them for adding 3MB to the show. Wow his sarcasm was coming thru loud and clear on that comment.

Daniel Bryan is getting ready for his upcoming match with Orton when Kane comes in. Kane asks if they could talk but DB is acting like a spoiled little girl as bitches and moans. It looks like Team Hell No is over as DB says that he only cares about Team DB. Looks like Kane and DB are going to be in the running for the WWE championship. Kane wishes him luck and here goes DB on the weak link tangent. Just end them now please and put us all out of our misery.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel ‘Scragglybeard’ Bryan—Orton did an interview earlier and called DB the weak link. The stipulation for their match is NO DQ. The match starts off with a lockup and DB working the left arm of Orton. Orton reverses it and takes Bryan down to his knees. While I am a fan of both men this match seems off and awkward. DB is kicking the left leg of Orton and he sets him up for the surf board. Dude we know you can kick could you please add a new move set? Orton gets out of the corner and buts Scraggly into a corner and starts stomping the squirrel family out of DB’s beard. Orton does a Lou Thesz press but DB counters into a Half Crab. Orton grabs the ropes and kicks DB. Here comes Shabby Doo with a series of kicks. Orton throws him thru the ropes and quickly follows. Orton slams him into the guard rail. Orton goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Orton does a reverse chin lock while DB tries to power out. He gets to his feet and throws some fists to Orton’s well-toned and heavily oiled abs. Orton throws a head-butt and puts DB into a corner. He stands on the second rope and pummels DB. He flings DB into the corner but DB starts to gain momentum. He does a running dropkick to Orton and repeats. He goes for a pin but Orton kicks out. Orton kicks him and DB sends Orton over the top rope. He goes to a flying tackle at Orton but Orton sidesteps and DB goes head first into the barricade. Orton grabs a kendo stick and pelts DB in the back with it. He attacks the midsection with it and DB grabs the kendo stick. Orton throws him into the ring and goes for the pin but DB kicks out. Back from commercial and Orton is trying to superplex DB off of the top rope. DB goes to the top rope and delivers a missile dropkick. Both men are down as the head-butt to the guard rail seems to have taken its toll on DB. The referee is trying to see if he can continue. DB gets to his feet and starts kicking Orton, Orton comes back with a brutal powerslam. Orton goes for a DDT from the second rope but DB counters with trying to get the NO Lock. He fails to connect and Orton sends him flying over the top rope. DB is holding onto the ropes but Orton kicks him in the nuts. The doctor is trying to stop the match but DB isn’t having it as he attacks Orton. Orton drops him on the barricade. The match has been stopped. Winner: Orton 

This is where Orton could have capitalized on being a heel but they turned him into marshmallow fluff. We don’t want to see you cuddling Bryan we want to see you destroy him. Have a set of balls Orton.

AJ Lee comes out to celebrate her being the new Divas champion. Big Boob E is accompanying her to the ring while she says no one can compare to her. Hold the title tightly because you will lose it. She dares any woman in the back to come out if they think they can compare. Here comes Stephanie McMahon. Fuck yeah baby. Stephanie congratulates her then berates her for acting like a bitch with no morals. Stephanie tells her to stop degrading women and to act like a champion. Stephanie and AJ have a war of words which Stephanie clearly wins. AJ, I like you but small fry, sit down and shut up because Stephanie can and will destroy your ass. Kaitlyn comes out to interrupt and she has the other divas with her. Stephanie tells her to never interrupt her. Kaitlyn slinks off to the ring while the crowd cheers ‘you tapped out’. Kaitlyn, please for the love of god take acting lessons. Kaitlyn gets in the ring and tramples AJ before Big E pulls her out. To those that are bitching about the nip slip from Kaitlyn, shit happens. Grow the fuck up.

Dean Ambrose vs. Kane—This is for the US championship. The match starts off with Kane tossing Ambrose into the corner and slugging him. He flings Ambrose into the corner and goes charging at him but Ambrose moves in the nick of time. Ambrose gets the big boot from Kane but quickly returns the favor. Kane slams Ambrose down and slugs him again. He does a sidewalk slam and drops Ambrose. He goes to the top rope and clotheslines Ambrose down. Here comes the Shield to save their buddy. Reigns spears Kane and they powerbomb him. Ambrose is standing over him and taunting Kane.

Mark Henry is shown in the back talking to Tamina and the Prime Time Players. The mood seems emotional as Henry has been hinting about his retirement for the past couple of days on Twitter.

The Shield is celebrating as Vickie G. and Brad Maddox try to confront them. Dean asks are you going to spank us? If that is a challenge then I accept. Sorry but fangirl Riley took over there for a second. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns, it is up to you three to save the WWE. I think you can do it. Vince McMahon comes up and shakes their hands and congratulates them.

Zeb Colter comes out and runs his mouth for a few minutes. He announces that he has a new client. His new client is Antonio Cesaro.

Antonio Cesaro vs. William Regal—Hey least we get to see William Regal wrestle. He takes down Cesaro but Cesaro bounces back with an uppercut. Cesaro helps him up and gives him a belly to back suplex. Regal does a bridge but Cesaro delivers a double foot stomp. Regal mounts a comeback but Cesaro delivers a standing suplex and slams Regal down. Cesaro swings him by the neck and tries to choke him. Cesaro nails him with the Neutralizer. Winner: Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro places a Don’t Tread on Me flag on Regal.

John Cena comes out to address the crowd. Gee I am so happy to see the love child of Shrek and Donkey. I shall call him Shronkey. The crowd is giving him a mixed reaction. Don’t suck up to the fans now you fucking idiotic twithead. The ones who don’t like you, clearly have good taste in wrestling. Yes we get it your 2012 was bad but you have no one to blame but yourself. Everything that bad happens to you happens because of YOU not the Rock, nor Ryback. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your own actions. He thanks the fan(s) for standing by him. He goes on to scream that he will accept any and all challenges that are presented to him. He says that whomever gets the MITB contract to be warned that there is no opportune time to cash in. Just once I would love to see him choke on his words. Here comes Mark Henry looking dapper in a salmon colored jacket. He places a pair of wrestling boots at the top of the ramp. He gets in the ring and tells Cena to relax. He tells Cena to stay because Mark Henry wants to tell everyone something. He gives a tearful speech about retiring and he has everyone believing it. He hold the WWE championship up and seems tearful. He hands it back to Cena and Cena holds his arm in the air. Mark Henry scoops him up and slams Shronkey down to the ground. FUCK YEA Mark Henry ain’t going anywhere. He tosses the belt down onto Cena and says that will be his soon.

Renee Young interviews Mark Henry and he announces that he had everyone fooled. He declares a challenge to Cena for the WWE title. He says he will leave one of the boots up Cena’s ass.

Heath Slater vs. Chris Jericho—As if Wendy Spice has any chance of defeating Jericho. The only thing 3MB is successful at is losing and sometimes Sweets y’all fail epically at that. Good to see that Drew left his suit jacket at home. Wendy tries to take down Jericho but fails. Jericho delivers chop after chop to the Spice Girl wannabe. Slater tries to throw Jericho over the top rope but Jericho stays on the apron. Drew has to put his nose where it doesn’t belong. Even with the interference Slater fails to score the victory. He slams Jericho down and tries to launch himself at Jericho but Jericho moves. Jericho nails him with the Codebreaker and scores the win. Winner: Jericho

He takes on the other two members of the Jobber Squad.

Heyman is talking to Curtis Axel when Matt Striker interrupts. Heyman says Striker should be asking about Curtis Axel not CM Punk.

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara—In order for Axel to be more credible as a champion he needs to face stronger opponents and not just Sin Cara who would botch sipping water. Miz is on commentary and he sounds like he has been drinking straight Haterade. Shut the fuck up you bitter bitch. Learn to do the figure four leglock properly before bitching about others. Sin Cara is mounting a comeback but gets stopped when he collides with the moronic Axel. Axel goes for the pin but Sin Botcha kicks out. I was wrong when I said zero fucks were given about the Wade Barrett match. Zero fucks are given about this match. Both men are sloppy as fuck in the ring. Axel nails him with a DDT. Winner: Curtis Axel

Vince is in the back bestowing cheap platitudes on Vickie G. and Brad Maddox when Stephanie comes into tell her she is losing control. Stephanie is telling her to assert her while Vince is trying to stop her. Triple H comes in bitching about how she didn’t make an example of the Shield. He tells her to listen to him after he leaves Vince says to listen to him. After he leaves, Stephanie says to listen to her. Oh fuck yea the power struggle between the McMahons is back.

Punk is walking to the ring and Heyman stops him.  Heyman is trying to say he gets where Punk is coming from. Heyman says he loves him and that he is the best in the world. Heyman is up to something.

CM Punk vs. ADR—ADR is accompanied to the ring by Ricardo. The match starts off with Punk taking it to ADR. ADR escapes the ring to take a breather. He gets back in the ring and Punk is kicking the boring out of him. ADR once again escapes the ring this time Punk goes after him. After a few moments they get back in the ring and ADR has gained the upper hand. He kicks Punk in the head and goes for the pin but Punk kicks out.  He goes for another pin but CM Punk kicks out again. Punk is delivering knees to the gut before the referee breaks it up. ADR punches Punk while he is in the corner until the referee breaks it up. ADR is using the ropes to his advantage and once again the ref has to break it up. Punk goes for the GTS but ADR counters and hightails it out of the ring. Punk does a suicide dive taking ADR down. He slams ADR’s arm into the barricade and hurls him into the ring. Ricardo distracts Punk so ADR could hit him. Back from commercial and Punk is trying to get back into the fight. ADR charges him but Punk catches him with a big boot. ADR nails Punk with a backbreaker and goes for the pin but Punk kicks out. He once again goes for another pin but Punk kicks out again. ADR goes to the top rope and Punk nails him with a haymaker to the midsection. CM Punk takes him down again and delivers a knee to the midsection. Once again ADR sets Punk up on the ropes and delivers jabs. He then goes for the Backstabber, he goes for the pin but Punk kicks out. Once Punk gains the momentum and nails ADR with the GTS but ADR rolls out of the ring. Ricardo is helping his boss to his feet and they walk away. Wow what a chicken shit. Ziggler attacks Del Rio from the back. Apparently he is butt hurt over losing his precious. Winner: CM Punk

Here comes Brock ‘Cowfucking Shithead’ Lesnar to get in the ring. He acts like he is going to get on the microphone to speak but apparently they told Squeaky Toy to never speak on the microphone. He F5’s CM Punk and prances away.

Match of the Night:  This honor goes to Stephanie McMahon for getting in AJ’s face. Also mad props to the Shield for owning the yard again tonight. Kudos to Mark Henry for his superb acting skills. You played us. Bravo!!!

WTF Moment—goes to Orton acting like a soft fluffy teddy bear. No Orton we want the psychotic you back. Get your balls back and we will talk.

In closing tonight was a decent show. I really enjoyed the Shield and seeing Stephanie McMahon on my TV screen. I give the show an A+. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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