Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown Review for 05/31/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I breakdown each segment and match of SmackDown. Tonight we have the unfortunate luck of having Michael Cole, Josh Matthews and the always obnoxious JBL on commentary.

The show opens up with a video package for the Shield. Yes that loud thud was me hitting the floor with happiness. So Shield haters sit down and kindly shut up.

Seth Rollins vs. Kane—Both men’s respective partners are at ringside.  The match starts off with Rollins putting Kane in a side headlock. Kane flips him off but Rollins lands on his feet. Rollins gets a big boot to the head by Kane. Kane gives him a standing suplex while DB looks on. Holy shit Kane is sending him flying around the ring like he is a fly. Rollins takes him down by kicking his knee. Rollins keeps working on the left leg of Kane. Kane is on his feet and he is mounting an offense until Rollins kicks him in the injured leg again. While he is working on the left leg, Kane is throwing hard punches. He goes for the chokeslam while Rollins is on the top rope but Rollins fights his way out. HOLY SHIT THAT DDT FROM ROLLINS WAS FUCKING AMAZING. He goes for the pin but Kane kicks out. Back from commercial and Rollins is going after Kane. Kane slams Rollins down and is mounting another comeback.  Rollins counters with a boot to the midsection and Kane slams him down once again. Kane is going to the top rope but Rollins punches him and goes up with him. Kane pushes him down and flies down at him. Roman tries to interfere but Kane knocks him down. Rollins kicks him and goes to the top rope but DB knocks him down. Kane pins Rollins. What the fuck? Not fair at all.

Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns—  Reigns is kicking Daniel Bryan’s ass all over the ring. DB does a drop toe hold which sends Reigns crashing face first into the turnbuckle. DB is determined to prove that he is in no way a weak link. He goes for the cover but Reigns kicks out. Seriously Goat Boy, we would take you serious if you shaved your face. Before commercial Reigns had gained the upper hand but back from commercial and DB is mounting a comeback. Reigns is vicious and I love it. His spears and shoulder tackles look brutal as fuck. He has DB locked into the corner and goes to charge at him but DB moves out of harm’s way.  DB delivers a running drop kick to Reigns then follows it up with a flurry of kicks. He does the running dropkick again. He goes to pin Reigns but Reigns kicks out. Reigns headbutts him in the gut. DB counters with the No Lock and Reigns is trying to get the ropes. Rollins pushes the rope to his partner and Kane attacks Rollins. Reigns hits Kane and when Kane hits him back the referee sees it. The referee stops the match. Winner of the Match via DQ: Reigns. DB and Kane are fighting in the middle of the ring like an old married couple. Just break them up already.

Sheamus and Damien Sandow are having another meeting of the minds. This time their challenge is to get the SmackDown viewers to change the channel rather quickly. Once again WWE creative, you blow my mind with your stupidity and your lackluster creative ways. Wow we get to watch them play the Shell Game. Umm I cannot believe I’m about to say this but I would rather watch Mark Henry jump rope. This time could have been better spent with a DIVAS match or hearing Brock Lesnar cut a fucking promo. Sheamus picks the incorrect cup, so Sandow gives him another chance to choose. He chooses wrongly again and Sandow berates him. He demands that Sandow show him the red ball, the crowd is chanting show your balls. There isn’t a ball under the cup and Sheamus is either embarrassed by the skit or by Sandow’s cheating. Sheamus tosses the cups at Sandow and nails him with the Brogue Kick. What a way to end a horrible skit.

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara—Wow another match with Sin Botcha and the Brawny Man Wannabe. Brawny Man is accompanied to the ring by Walrus Fucker Paul Heyman. OMG please stop trying to shove Axel down our damn throats. You don’t make a wrestler popular by throwing him into the main event on his first night. You have to build it up and make us want to see him. Right now y’all are making me want to scream zero fucks are given about this match. When he talks, he makes my ears bleed. The match starts off with Axel dominating Mr. Botcha. Sin Botcha did get in some offense but Brawny Man wins.

ADR vs. Big E—Wow a fresh match, NOT. How many times do we have to see this feud? This match starts off with Big E viciously attacking ADR. ADR kicks Big E in the midsection. Big Boob E drops ADR on the ropes and goes for a more traditional of mat wrestling. He does a knee to the midsection. He goes for a pin but ADR kicks out. ADR is fighting his way out of the corner. Big E takes him down again and goes for the pin but ADR kicks out. He goes to pick ADR up but ADR counters with a Backstabber. ADR gets to his feet and goes to kick Big E but misses. He then German Suplexes Big Triple E. ADR connects with a kick to the jaw. He goes for the pin but Big E kicks out. ADR locks in the Cross Arm Breaker and Big E powers out. Big E knocks him down and goes for the pin but ADR kicks out. ADR uses the ropes and locks in the Cross Arm breaker and the referee forces him to break the hold. Crazy AJ has to intervene because god forbid she doesn’t interfere in a match. Big E slams ADR into the ring post and hits him with his finisher. Big E wins.

 Ryback aka Ryshrek vs. Kofi Kingston—Match starts off with Kofi going after Ryback. Kofi is extremely talented and doesn’t deserve this shit. Kofi nails him with a missile drop kick and goes for the pin but Ryshrek kicks out. Kofi is on fire as he keeps the offense up. He nails Ryback with a cross body and goes for the pin but Shrek Jr. kicks out again. Kofi goes for another kick but Ryback counters. He nails Kofi with the Meat Hook slam. He follows it up with Shellshocked. Shrek Jr. scores the win. He goes outside the ring and grabs a table. He sets it up in the ring and plants Kofi thru the table. He sets up another table and does it again. Holy shit he does this for a third time. Dude you murdered Kofi Kingston. Save your energy for when you are chased by the angry John Cena fans.

Chris Jericho is being interviewed by Renee Young. I don’t care what Chris Jericho haters have to say, Jericho is magic on the microphone and in the ring. Just because your favorites cannot wrestler or cut a promo doesn’t give you the right to hate on Jericho. He cuts one helluva promo on Punk and Heyman.

Chris Jericho vs. Cody Rhodes—Match starts up with a side headlock from Jericho. He is dominating Rhodes and his lovestache. He sends Rhodes flying outside the ring and slams Rhodes face into the barricade. Relax Cody, he is just trying to help you remove the dead caterpillar from your face. Somehow Rhodes gets back into the fight and delivers a knee to the midsection of Jericho.  Jericho comes back with brutal sounding chops but gets planted into the ringpost. Rhodes is doing some sort of weird maneuver before locking in the side headlock as Jericho powers to his feet. He knocks down Rhodes and somehow Pedo Rhodes sends Jericho flying over the top rope. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho but Rhodes counters. Rhodes nails him with an Alabama Slam. Jericho is fighting back as he slams Rhodes down. Rhodes goes for the Disaster Kick but misses big time. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho and Rhodes taps like a little bitch.

Watching the Wyatt family promo and are they supposed to be from the Wrong Turn movies? Or is the WWE knock off of Duck Dynasty? Or maybe today’s version of the Godwinns? Who knows?

Dean Ambrose vs. Randy Orton—SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! This is the mother fucking match I’ve been waiting for. I’m a fan of both and I’m not ashamed to say that and I’m not ashamed of the fact that I’m cheering for Ambrose. If you say that I’m not a true fan of either one, I will punt kick you and make you cry. Oh my inner fangirl is jumping up and down while screaming about exploding ovaries. The match starts off with Ambrose glaring at Orton. They stalk each other around the ring before they lock up. Orton puts him in a side headlock. Ambrose fights out before he plants Orton in the corner.  He is stepping on Orton’s head and I fucking love it. Orton fights back by kicking Ambrose in the midsection. He then suplexes Ambrose and plants Ambrose in the corner and punching the psychotic out of him. Orton goes for the pin but Ambrose kicks out. Ambrose is using his shoulder as a battering ram as he attacks Orton. Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and Orton knocks him out of the ring. Let’s go Orton. He clotheslines Ambrose outside the ring. He slams Ambrose into the barricade and plants his face into the mat of the ring. Ambrose tries but fails to get away from Orton. He somehow slams Orton shoulder first into the steel steps. That’s it Dean take him down. He graciously helps Orton to his feet before knocking him down again. Dammit there shouldn’t be any commercials during this match. Back from commercial and Ambrose is in charge. Seriously my inner fangirl is going nuts over this match. Ambrose is chaotic and psychotic but he makes it work for him.  On the other hand so does Orton. He is trying to fight his way out of it. Ambrose has him in the sleeper hold and Orton is fighting out of it. He delivers a side suplex to Ambrose.  Watching them trade blows is amazing, come on Ambrose he telegraphed that kick. Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope but he practices great situational awareness and counters. Orton goes for a superplex but Ambrose knocks him down. Orton nails him with a standing dropkick and goes for the pin but Ambrose kicks out. Orton then nails him with the DDT from the second rope.  Orton signals that he is going to his psychotic place but Rollins and Reigns comes down to help Ambrose. To even up the numbers, here comes Daniel Bryan and Kane. DB cleans house. Winner of the match Randy Orton.

Match of the Night goes to Dean Ambrose and Randy Orton. Aside from nearly causing me to overheat and implode, they put on an action packed match. If you are not a fan of either one, I suggest you quit watching wrestling. Despite them trying to kill me this is my nomination for match of the year.

WTF moment goes to the Seth Rollins and Kane match. Don’t be trying to make any member of the Shield look weak when they are not. The match could have been a lot better.

In closing, I was very happy with Smackdown. Despite the segment with Sheamus and Sandow, I give this week’s episode an A+++++. I suggest having an Orton and Ambrose match at least twice a week. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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