Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown Review for 05-24-13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I will break down each segment and match of SmackDown. Tonight on commentary we have Michael Cole, Josh Matthews and the overly obnoxious JBL. Hopefully tonight we get answers on what happened with Triple H.

The show kicks off with Miz TV. His special guest is Fandango. I will be so glad when this lame ass gimmick of Fanskittles is over. But before it does go bye-bye, can someone have a twirling mishap and go face first into the ring post? I cannot help but laugh at the expression on the Miz’s face.  His outfit looks like someone ate a bunch of Fruit Loops, Skittles, and Fruity Pebbles and then threw up. Dear Summer Rae, please take acting lessons. Miz said he looks like a bag of Skittles.  Miz tells him ‘congratulations you are the new Fruity Pebbles’, while Fandumbo is getting ready to argue, here comes Wade Barrett. He is pissed about their match on Monday.  Keep smirking Fanskittleo and Summer Rae. Miz gets up in Barrett’s face and the brawl breaks out.

Miz vs. Wade Barrett—Back from commercial and the Miz is fighting for control. Fanthisgimmickislame is on commentary tonight. Please for the love of wrestling, can they end this stupid ass gimmick? Barrett is kicking the Miz’s ass. I’m distracted by the dumbasses on commentary. First of all Summer Rae, its wrestling not some back ally massage parlor, second Fanglitzo its wrestling not a fucking strip club. You are a wrestler you don’t need glitter. Barrett hits the Miz with the Winds of Change and goes for the pin but Miz kicks out. Miz goes for the rollup but Barrett kicks out. Fanidioto tries to interfere but gets knocked off the apron. Miz goes for the Figure Four but Barrett counters. Fandango hits him and the match is stopped. Barrett and FanChacha team up to attack the Miz. Barrett hits Cha-Cha Boy with a Bull Hammer.

Daniel Bryan is talking to himself in the locker room when Kane comes up to him. He reminds DB that they are still a team. DB is screaming that he isn’t the weak link. Apparently PMS has claimed another victim.

Jack Swagger vs. Daniel Bryan—Kane is accompanying DB to the ring. Zeb ‘Longwinded’ Colter is in the corner of Swaggerless. DB is taking his anger out on Swagger. DB knocks Swagger out of the ring and then launches himself at him. Swagger is pressed against the barricade as DB kicks the drug induced high out of him. He goes for the pin but Swagger kicks out. Swagger takes him down with a clothesline.  Swagger has him in the corner and is delivering a series of knees. Cole, Swagger isn’t fired up, he is probably high as he was probably lighting up before the match. Back from the commercial break and DB is trying to gain control. DB is trying to prove that he isn’t the weak link as he takes down Swagger. DB is kicking Swagger and then drop kicks him in the corner. He goes for the pin but Swagger kicks out. Here comes the knees before Swagger picks him up and slams him down. He goes for the pin but DB kicks out. DB goes for the No Lock but Swagger counters as goes for the Patriot Lock. Swagger goes for the Swagger Bomb but DB counters with a kick. DB is kicking the fuck out of Swaggers face before locking in the No Lock. Swagger taps like the punk ass bitch he is. Winner: Daniel Bryan He locks in the No Lock once more before Kane separates the two. 

Damien Sandow is in the ring with Matt Striker. He refers to Mark Henry and Sheamus as troglodytes, I like you Sandow, please never ever change. He goes into a long winded rant about the Gordian knot. He challenges Striker to untie the knot. Hey JBL why don’t you get off your uneducated, racist, worthless ass and go back to wherever it is that your ugly ass came from? Striker tries and cannot do so. Poor Striker. Here comes Sheamus to butt in. He accepts the challenge to untie the knot. What’s fucking next a knitting contest? He tries but before he can do anything, Sandow takes it away from him. Sandow pulls out a pair of bolt cutters and uses it to untie the knot. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick and misses. Sandow goes outside the ring and Sheamus uses Matt Striker as a weapon. I didn’t know that Striker could be used as a bowling ball.

Chris Jericho vs. Big Show—match starts off with Jericho throwing punches at the Big Crybaby. Big Show knocks him down and then delivers chop after chop. Jericho is trying to mount an offense but Big Slow grabs him in a bear hug. Jericho wiggles out and kicks the Show in his knees. Big Show spears him and goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. Show yells and goes for the chokeslam but Jericho kicks out. Jericho goes flying from the top rope and Show swats him down like he was a fly. Big Show goes to the second rope and goes for the elbow drop but Jericho moves out of the way. Jericho hits the Lion Sault and goes for the pin but Show kicks out. Jericho goes for the Code Breaker but Show counters. He goes for a move but Jericho counters with a DDT. He is going for the walls of Jericho but Slow counters. He picks Jericho and slams him down.  Jericho rolls out of the ring and Show comes out after him. Jericho slings the gigantic asshole into the ring post and then nails him with the Code Breaker. Winner: Jericho via countout. Big Show tries to attack Jericho with a steel chair but Jericho kicks him and uses the chair on him.

We learn that Triple H will be out of commission for a while due to medical testing. Praying for you Triple H. Even though people blame you for their favorite wrestlers not getting pushed, it’s not your fault they worship the likes of Zack Ryder and Brock ‘Cowfucker’ Lesnar. Hey dumbasses maybe your favorites aren’t getting pushed because they lack the fucking talent. Also while I am the mood for complete honesty, if Brock Lesnar is such a badass then he needs to fight Mark Henry, Ryback, and Big Show. Oh wait, I forgot that Lesnar suffers from a serious condition called Pussyitis. This means he can only face men smaller than he is. Nor is he able to fight and win on his own.

Curtis Axel vs. Sin Cara—Axel is accompanied to the ring by Mr. Deep Fried Turkey Titted Walrus Fucker Paul Heyman. I’m sorry but I’m sick and tired of RAW and SmackDown being turned into the Paul Heyman show. At first I was impressed that the former Michael McGillicutty is the newly renamed Curtis Axel but then I remembered, just because you come from a wrestling family doesn’t always mean that you have their talent. So listen here you wannabe Wolverine, shave and then maybe I can take you seriously. Good to see that Sin Botcha is back. Axel is showing off as he throws the Botcha around. OMG I’ve seen better wrestling from the Bellas and Kelly Kelly. BURN!!!!!! I cannot take this lame ass match seriously. If there is a buzz in the locker room, then you might want to drug test Swagger and Bourne. Sin Cara does a nice cross body and goes for the pin. Curtis Axel slams Sin Botcha to the ground. Winner: Curtis ‘Brawny Man’ Axel

Dean Ambrose vs. Kofi Kingston—finally a match I want to see. I believe in the Shield and so should you. Roman and Seth escort Dean Ambrose part way before turning back. Match starts off with a lockup and Kofi backs him in the corner. Nice shoulder tackle from Ambrose. Nice dropkick from Kofi. Ambrose is fighting back as he takes his aggression out on the former US Champion. When Ambrose goes to his dark place he makes Orton’s psychotic side look like a day at Disney. Kofi mounts a comeback and goes for the pin but Dean kicks out. Kofi goes to the top rope and here comes Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. Kofi does his best to take out the other two but the numbers game will get you every time. This match ends in no contest as the Shield attacks Kofi. Here comes Randy Orton to help even the numbers. OH MY DAMN ORTON AND AMBROSE IN THE SAME RING!!! Must control my inner fangirl. Here comes Sheamus to butt in.

Teddy Long comes out to make this a six man match. God Bless you Teddy Long.

Sheamus/Orton/Kingston vs. The Shield—Back from commercials and Reigns and Sheamus are fighting. Nice slam from Sheamus. He goes for the pin but Reigns kicks out. Reigns tags in Rollins and here comes Orton. Orton is delivering head butts and a series of punishing punches. He goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Orton then tags in Kofi. Kofi is on fire tonight as he tries to destroy Seth Rollins. Kofi tags in Orton and Orton is taking his anger out on Rollins. Here comes Dean Ambrose and oh lawd the two hottest most talent guys in the WWE are in the ring. Orton delivers a brutal but Sweet uppercut. He blocks Ambrose into their corner and here comes Sheamus. Sheamus delivers a sick neckbreaker as Reigns and Rollins look on. Here comes Rollins. Come on Rollins knock the pasty out of Sheamus. He catches Seth and tries to take him clubbering but Ambrose and Rollins save their partner. Back from commercial and Ambrose is in control of Sheamus. Ambrose locks him in their corner and tags in Reigns. Sheamus takes down Rollins and Ambrose and when Reigns comes charging at him. He moves in the nick of time and causes Reigns to hit the steel ring post shoulder first. Sheamus tags in Orton while Reigns tags in Rollins. Here comes Ambrose to get power slammed. Orton DDT’s Rollins from the second rope. While he goes to attack Roillins, Reigns punches Orton. Reigns seems to be limping. Rollins goes for the pin but Orton kicks out. Here comes Ambrose and he is stomping the psychotic out of Orton. Ambrose goes for the pin but Orton kicks out at two. He gets Orton into their corner and here comes Rollins. HOLY SHIT ORTON superplexes Rollins from the top rope.  WHO the hell do I cheer for? Here comes Sheamus and Ambrose. Sheamus takes Rollins clubbering and Ambrose tries to attack from behind. Reigns spears Sheamus as he tries to kill Ambrose. Sheamus tags in Kofi. Kofi goes for the pin but Ambrose kicks out. What a fucking Drop kick from Ambrose. He plants Kofi and scores the victory. Winner: The Shield

Match of the Night: Goes to the six man tag match. I don’t give a damn if you hate or love the Shield. You have to respect the men for kicking ass and taking names the way they do.

WTF moment goes to anything involving Fanglittero and the non-wrestling challenges that they have. Hey WWE creative, we want to see fighting not some lame ass competitions such as knot untying, tug of war, truck pulling bullshit. We want wrestling.

In closing, the show was decent. The saving graces of the show was once again the Shield and Randy Orton. I give the show an A. I really wish they would get rid of JBL on commentary. He sucks and sound like a doddering old idiot when he is given the chance. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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