Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown for 05/03/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match of this week’s SmackDown. On commentary tonight we have Michael Cole, the obnoxiously vocal JBL and the hapless Josh Matthews. We are live from Detroit, Michigan.

Ryback kicks off the show by explaining why he didn’t compete on Monday night with John Cena. He goes on to rant but honestly I am tuning him out.

Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan—The match starts off with a kick to the thigh from Daniel Bryan. He is quick on his feet which could be an advantage against Ryback.  Kick after kick until Ryback hits him. He flings Bryan into the ropes but DB comes flying at him with a kick. Ryback is delivering vicious strikes to DB’s back and DB shows why you shouldn’t count him out as he delivers kicks to Ryback’s legs. Ryback goes outside the ring and DB delivers a running flying tackle thru the ropes. Both men are back in the squared circle and DB is still going with the kicks until Ryback picks him up for a vertical suplex but DB fights out of it. Ryback picks him up and powerslams DB out of the ring. Back from commercial and Ryback is in charge as he dominates Daniel Bryan. Ryback is slamming DB repeatedly into the mat and has him locked into toe corner and goes for a splash but DB counters with a boot to the face. Ryback slams DB down to the ground and goes for the pin but DB kicks out. DB is going back for the kicks to the hamstrings. Once Ryback is down to one knee, DB goes to fly at him once more but Ryback counters with Thez press but Bryan counters with a submission move that works on the leg that he was working on earlier. Ryback powers out but DB is still working on that leg until Ryback slams him down with a clothesline. DB is still in the fight as he delivers a missile dropckick from the top rope. He goes for the pin but Ryback kicks out at 2. DB goes to kick him but Ryback picks him up and both men topple over the top rope. DB flies off the apron but Ryback catches him and slams him spine first into the unforgiving steel post. Both men are back in the ring and Ryback dead lifts DB and slams him down twice. He meat hook clothesline DB and goes for ShellShocked. Winner of the match: Ryback.

Renee Young is interviewing Ricardo Rodriguez about his match on Monday. He is happy but has another match with Zeb Colter tonight. He starts chatting exuberantly and kisses Renee on the cheek. Del Rio tells him that they must go to prepare for the match.

Fandango vs. Zack Ryder—Why in the blue blazes is Zack Ryder still employed? The match starts off with a lock up but Fandango delivers a knee to the midsection. Ryder delivers a takedown and goes for the pin but Fandango kicks out. Ryder goes for a dropkick but Fandingaling sidesteps him. He has Ryder on the ropes and delivers punches to the back of the head. Don’t do that Fandingo you might hurt the hamster that is in there. Ryder slams Fandango’s head into the mat and then follows it up with the knee to the head.  He call for the Broski boot and it connects with Fandango’s face. Fandango goes for the Russian Leg Sweep and follows it up with a leg drop. Winner of the match: Fandango

Kaitlyn is shown walking around with roses. Apparently her secret admirer sent her a text message. Natalya says that Khali can give her great advice. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t go to him even if my guts were hanging out of my body. Khali needs to leave and take Zack Ryder with him.

Renee Young is interviewing Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. Does he twirl his mustache as to wind himself up? That’s kinda creepy Colter. He bitches about the match on Monday, he was whining that he had a whole list of complaints about what was wrong with me. The only thing that is wrong with you Mr. Colter is that you are carrying Swagger’s worthless ass. Zeb said he would win this match.

Ricardo vs. Zeb Colter—Why in the fuck is Dolph Ziggler, AJ and Big E out there? They don’t have any business out there. Zeb is delivering insulting slaps to Ricardo’s face until Ricardo grabs his mustache and twists. He stomps Colter’s legs and then hops on his back like he is a mule.  Colter gets to his feet and starts punching Ricardo. He is mouthing off to Del Rio and gets on the receiving end of a serious punch from Ricardo. Del Rio tells Ricardo to deliver a running knee to Colter and he gets ready to do so but here comes Jack ‘High Times’ Swagger to make the save. Match ends with a DQ: Ricardo Rodriguez Del Rio comes in to even the numbers.

Here comes Teddy Long to turn it into a tag team match.

Del Rio/Ricardo vs. Swagger/Colter vs. Big E/Dolph Ziggler—Swagger is on the attack as he goes after Ricardo. Ricardo tags in Del Rio and delivers a vicious back breaker to Swagger. He gets Swagger caught up on the ropes and delivers right jabs to the kidneys. Del Rio locks in the Cross Arm Breaker and Swagger taps out. Once Noodle head (Ziggler) and Big Tittied E get involved here comes Teddy Long to make it a triple threat tag match. Ziggler and Del Rio start it off and Del Rio is kicking ass and taking names. Here comes Ricardo to kick Ziggler and goes for the pin. Ziggler kicks out and Del Rio gets tagged in. Ziggler does a nice dropkick before tagging in the Big E. He is slamming Del Rio down around like a rag doll.  He is delivering shoulder blocks to Del Rio in the corner before tagging in Noodle Head. Ziggler goes for the pin but Del Rio kicks out. Ziggler delivers a neck breaker to Del Rio and tags in Big E again. This match needs to fucking end soon. Big Triple E drops Del Rio and then spears Del Rio in the corner. Here comes Noodles to charge at Del Rio but Del Rio moves. Here comes Swagger and Del Rio is cleaning house. Noodles comes back in and saves Colter and delivers a DDT. Here comes all the men to fight it out. Del Rio kicks Swagger in the head and Ziggler rolls up Del Rio for the pin but he kicks out. Del Rio locks in the Cross Arm Breaker on the Noodle head. Winners of this neverending match: Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez

The Shield is shown and holy hell they are hot as hell. They are talking about taking on Kane and Undertaker. Before they cut their promo they attacked Daniel Bryan and left him lying on the floor. The refs are trying to help him up and get him to the trainer’s room.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow—Match starts off with a lock up before Orton delivers a shoulder block to Sandow. Another shoulder block to Orton, before Sandow gets him down to the mat and stomps him. Sandow delivers a snap mare and follows it up with a knee to the face of Orton. He goes for a chin lock but Orton fights to his feet and delivers a clothesline and a powerslam.  Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope but Sandow counters. Sandow knocks Orton off of the apron and sends him flying into the guard rail. Back from commercial and Orton is in charge or was until Sandow planted him on the mat.  He is delivering  knees to the midsection before delivering two Elbows of Disdain. Orton is on his feet and is fighting back with head butts and an uppercut to Sandow. Back Body Drop from Orton  before Sandow tries to escape the ring. Here comes the DDT from the second rope. Here comes the psychotic place and the RKO out of nowhere. Winner of this match: Randy Orton

Here comes the Big Show to taunt Randy Orton. Doesn’t he have a village to destroy? While Big Show is taunting Orton, Sandow attacks him from behind. GO cry in a corner somewhere you gigantic worthless douche nozzle. No one likes you.

Matt Striker interviews Kane as he comes out of the trainer’s room. He says he is going to make the Shield pay for what they have done to his brother and his tag partner Daniel Bryan. He says he is going to take them on a trip to hell.

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus in an arm wrestling contest. Holy fucking hell you dumbasses this is wrestling not arm wrestling. What’s next? Are you going to have them do a striptease next week? See who has the best stripper moves? Mark Henry wins but Sheamus challenges him to do it with the left arm. Sheamus sucker punches Mark Henry and follows it up with a Brogue Kick. Beaker is screaming that’s what he does.

Dean Ambrose vs. Kane—Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. Roman Reigns has one of the tag titles in his hand as he taunts Kane with it. He is clearing house as he takes on the members of Shield. Bodies are flying everywhere before the match starts. He takes out Reigns and Rollins and Ambrose is all by himself. Kane is taking his anger out on Ambrose and throws him out of the ring.  He scoops Ambrose up and drops him on the guardrail. He followed it up with a big fist and a big boot to the head. He clotheslined Ambrose and flings him into the corner but Ambrose kicks him. I love Ambrose and his many facial expressions. Back from commercial and Ambrose is in control.  Reigns and Rollins are back from lala land as they are stading in the corner for Dean Ambrose. Kane and Ambrose are trading blows much to the delight of Reigns and Rollins. Ambrose is slamming Kane’s left leg into the ring post as Rollins cackles evilly. Ambrose goes to the top rope and Kane throws him to the ground. He is taking his anger out on Ambrose as he goes for the pin. Ambrose kicks out. Kane goes to the top rope and he knocks the shit out of Ambrose. He goes for the chokeslam but Dean kicks him. He ends up chokeslamming Ambrose to hell. Kane goes for the tombstone but Rollins distracts him. Rollins gets knocked the fuck back into La La Land. Ambrose is kicking the shit out of Kane. He delivers a modified bulldog to Kane and scores the win. Winner of the match: Dean Ambrose

Match of the night: This honor goes to two matches. Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow, Randy Orton is showing his renewed passion for wrestling. Welcome back Oh Psychotic One. Dean Ambrose and Kane get the honor as well for their brutal but short match. This is what JR would call a slobberknocker. Kudos gentlemen for getting this honor.

The WTF moment goes to the Zeb Colter/Ricardo Rodriguez debacle. This match should have been a one on one match not a multiple tag match. Dear Creative Team please stop taking recreational drugs before booking matches. The Mark Henry/Sheamus cluster fuck gets this honor as well. For fucks sake what’s next table tennis or maybe a chess game. Stop it assclowns, we want wrestling plain and simple.

In closing I thought the show was decent despite the two horrible matches. I give it a grade of a B-. The Shield and Randy Orton saved the show in my opinion. Just give us wrestling and keep it simple. That’s all we want. For most of us, wrestling is our escape from a stressful work week. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!!

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