Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 04-22-13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match on RAW. Tonight we are live from London, England. On the commentary side of the house we have the affable Michael Cole, humorous Jerry Lawler and the dull as dishwater JBL. Seriously they are dropping the ball by having JBL do commentary, I would rather hear Johnny Ace read from the phone book.

Paul Heyman is in the ring to kick off the show. Apparently the zoo wouldn’t let Brock travel to Europe for safety reasons. A recap is shown of Lesnar attacking 3MB. Oh what a bad ass taking on the three helpless little lasses. Why does Lesnar get to call the shots on his next match with Triple H? He lost the last time punk ass pussy. Heyman says he is looking forward to Triple H’s response but he isn’t there tonight. He is going to read an email that he received from Triple H. He says that he will give his answers next week due to his injuries from WrestleMania 29. Heyman goes on to run his pathetic mouth about Triple H’s lack of a manhood. Triple H’s music hits and the he comes out. You better run you walrus looking moronic twit or Trips will make you his little bitch. Trips said that the email was a lie. He leans in and said to tell Lesnar he accepts as he delivers a pedigree to that deep fried turkey titted walrus looking chump. Come on Triple H, can’t you do it one more time? What a fucking kick off for RAW!!!!!!!!

R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro—Michael Cole dancing along to R-Truth’s rapping was cute. Hearing Cesaro yodel was not so cute. If I wanted my ear drums shattered I would rather listen to certain relatives preach. Match starts off with Cesaro knocking Truth down.  He delivers a clothesline and follows it up with a stomp. He then hits Truth with a knee. Truth showing why you shouldn’t count him out of the game as he gives Cesaro a right hand and then plants him face first in the mat. Truth gets a two count pin. R-Truth gets the pin.

The Shield arrives via a helicopter and is driven to the stadium. They have a match with the Undertaker, Kane and Daniel Bryan.

Brodus Clay vs. Damien Sandow- Both men’s tag partners are ringside. Sandow goes for a side headlock and Brodus goes to charge at him but Damien moves. Clay delivers a brutal clothesline followed up by devastating headbutts. Clay has Sandow in the corner punching him. He goes to smoosh him but Sandow kicks him. Nice move from Sandow as he slams Brodus Clay down.  He delivers the Elbow of Disdain.  He goes for the pin but Clay kicks out. Sandow has the reverse chin lock locked in but Clay gets out of the hold. He throws Sandow in the corner and delivers the splash and then Clay gets distracted by Rhodes and Sandow rolls him up for the win.

A recap of Dolph Ziggler cashing in the MITB briefcase is shown. As if we don’t know that he was the World Heavyweight Champion.

Dolph is shown talking and flirting with his title. AJ calls him ZigglyPuff. He tells AJ that she needs to have her own title.  They make disparaging remarks about Kaitlyn and tell Big E to get lost. Here comes Brad and Vickie to interrupt. She says that if he doesn’t win against Jericho tonight, he will not be in a triple threat match at Extreme Rules but in a Fatal fourway match.

A recap is shown of CM Punk walking out of the arena last week. Hope to see you back in the WWE stronger and meaner than ever.

The Shield is shown backstage. Fuck, I love Dean Ambrose and his crazy ass expressions. All three men are talented in their own right but Ambrose is my favorite. They are cutting a promo on the Undertaker. They are saying that they are the judge, jury and executioner. I believe in the Shield, do you?

Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler—If Ziggler doesn’t win, then his match at Extreme Rules will be turned into a Fatal FourWay. Ziggler doesn’t impress me by his ass wiggle. Sorry if he wants to impress me than he should do the touch up on his hair. He is accompanied to the ring by AJ and Big E. They lock it up and struggle for control. Jericho goes for a quick rollup but Ziggler maneuvers out of it. Jericho has him in a side headlock and Ziggler fights his way out of it. Y2J goes for the reverse chin lock and then follows it up with a drop kick. Side headlock again and Ziggler uses the ropes to push Jericho off of him. He goes to the outside to get a kiss from AJ but Jericho does a baseball slide into Ziggler causing him to crash face first into the guard rail. NEVER turn your back on Jericho. Back from commercial and Ziggler is in charge, while the referee isn’t looking, Big E hits Jericho. Ziggler goes for a pin but Jericho kicks out. Ziggler delivers brutal kicks to Jericho, and then follows up with an elbow drop. Jericho is chopping Ziggler and goes crashing out of the ring. They need to eject Big E from ringside. Ziggler helps Jericho into the ring and goes for the pin but Jericho once again kicks out. Jericho almost had him with a back slide pin but Ziggler wiggled his way out of it. He delivers a clothesline and now the sleeper hold is locked in by Ziggler. Jericho delivers a back drop and then gets thrown over the rope, he goes to the top rope and delivers an ax smash. He goes for the walls of Jericho but Ziggler counters. Jericho kicks him in the head and helps him to his feet. Fuck yeah Jericho is on fire but AJ distracts the referee so Big E can hit Jericho. Jericho kicks out of the pin much to the dismay of Ziggler. The champ is throwing punches until the ref breaks them up. Ziggler has the sleeper hold locked in again and Jericho is on the verge of collapse. Oh there he goes he gets back to his feet and does another back drop. Ziggler planted him with a DDT that should have ended Jericho but he kicked out again. Jericho goes for the Lion Sault but gets hit with Ziggler’s knees. Another kickout from Jericho. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho but Ziggler pushes him away. Ziggler gets caught up on the top rope and a superplex connected and both men are down. Jericho goes for the pin and Ziggler kicks out. Jericho hits the codebreaker and Ziggler breaks the count by planting his foot on the rope. AJ goes for the distraction again but Jericho knocks out Big E. Walls of Jericho are locked in but he gets distracted by the music of Fawndawngo.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and scores the win.

I don’t like Ziggler as champion. There I said it, I was getting tired of being fake and phoney. Impress me by winning it when someone isn’t injured and or having others do your dirty work. There now I feel better for saying that.

Josh Matthews is interviewing Mick Foley. Foley is very wise during his interview. He seems to favor John Cena in his upcoming match with Ryback at Extreme Rules.

Tensai vs. Cody Rhodes—They lock it up and Cody is using his quickness to his advantage. SO far he has delivered two quick jabs to Tensai. Holy shit Tensai is holding Rhodes upside down for a while before slamming him to the mat. Again Rhodes is using his quickness as he delivers a neckbreaker to Tensai. He nailed the Disaster kick to the back of Tensai’s head. He goes for the pin but Tensai kicks out. Rhodes is kicking the shit out of the tattooed monster. Thank you Cameron and Naomi for making this match better. Rhodes gets a drop kick in before slamming into the ring post shoulder first. Tensai is demolishing Rhodes. For a big man Tensai is agile as fuck. He is going to kill Rhodes. Sandow tries to distract him but Brodus takes him out. Tensai scores the win.

Kane and Daniel Bryan are shown in the locker room talking about the Undertaker. DB is worried about going over strategy for their match with the Shield. Kane tells him not to worry that the Brothers of Destruction has it covered. Kane is telling him not to hug the Undertaker or show him the diagrams of their match. They are attacked by the Shield.

Josh Matthews is interviewing Ryback. He starts off by asking Ryback to explain his actions about watching Cena get his ass kicked by the Shield. He said that he was attacked by the Shield more times that he can remember. He challenges Foley to have a ‘discussion’ with him in the middle of the ring.

Big E. Langston vs. Zack Ryder—Rest in peace Zack Ryder, you are about to go to jobber heaven. Big E slams him down and is delivering brutal punches to his midsection. Ryder gets in a boot but Big E is delivering knees to Ryder’s kidneys. He squashes Zack in the corner and Ryder goes to the top rope and delivers a flying drop kick. UH OH Big E’s nipples are showing and he delivers the Big Ending and pins Ryder. I think Ryder should have learned to keep his mouth shut and maybe they will let him job to Hornswoggle or Santino. Keep whining Zacko and you will face the angry giants. I quit begging for them to give Big E a bigger uniform. I have a better chance of a certain slacker relative getting and maintaining a job before that happens.

Undertaker/Daniel Bryan/Kane vs. The Shield—Here comes the Shield into the ring to attack the Undertaker and here comes Kane and Daniel Bryan to even up the numbers. They quickly clear the ring of the Shield. Dean Ambrose and Daniel Bryan start off the match and DB has Ambrose locked into the corner throwing punches and a vicious kick to the gut of Ambrose. DB tags in Kane and Kane starts off with a dropkick and a quick pin attempt. He is throwing hard punches to Ambrose and here comes the Taker throwing punches and owning Ambrose’s ass. He goes for the pin but Ambrose kicks out. Taker tries to go to the top rope but Ambrose stops him. He does it this time and he flies down on Ambrose. The crowd is chanting ‘you still got it’, bitches please he never lost it. Here comes Reigns and he is getting owned by his opponents. The Shield finally have the advantage of the match as they work together to destroy Kane. This is why the Shield can work long term they aren’t egotistical or trying to struggle for power within their faction. Rollins goes to fly at Kane from the top rope but Kane punches him midair. Here comes DB and he is showing why he is a kick ass kind of guy as he delivers a flurry of kicks and punches to Rollins. Rollins goes flying out of the ring and he landed kind of hard. DB does the flying headbutt and shoves Rollins into the guard rail. He goes from the top rope and delivers a Missile Dropkick. He goes to charge at Rollins but no one was there. Both men are down and both factions are struggling for control. Back from commercial and Reigns is dominating DB. He goes for a pin attempt but DB kicks out. Here comes Ambrose with vicious and brutal head butts to DB. He is keeping Goat Man away from his partners which is an awesome strategy.  He does the Surfboard and makes the tag to Rollins who launches himself at DB. Here comes Reigns and DB tags in the Undertaker. He is kicking ass and taking names. Holy shit he is proving why he is the Phenom.  He has Ambrose and Rollins ready for a chokeslam and here comes Reigns with a fantastic Spear. He goes for the pin but the Dead Man kicks out. Taker chokeslams Rollins and goes for the pin but Rollins kicks out. Here comes Kane with a asidewalk slam and follows up with an ax handle smash from the top rope. Out of nowhere Rollins delivers a kick and here comes Ambrose. He flies off the top rope to get caught by Kane and chokeslammed. DB goes to the top rope and gets pulled down by Reigns. He goes back to the top rope to deliver the flying head butt but Ambrose rolls out of the way. Ambrose scores the win. Taker doesn’t seem happy with their win as he glares at them.

John Cena and Mick Foley are talking about Ryback in the locker room. Cena is telling Foley that he shouldn’t get in the ring with Ryback. He thinks it’s a mistake. Cena hands him a steel chair for protection.

Fawndawngo vs. William Regal—Dude, forget this ballroom dancing bullshit gimmick and go back to being Johnny Curtis. William Regal shows off his slick dancing moves and delivers some brutal punches. Cha-cha boy delivers a beatdown and pins William Regal. Jericho comes out and throws Fanbitcho off of the ramp and then he dances with Summer Rae.

AJ vs. Tamina vs. Aksana vs. Cameron vs. Naomi vs. the Bella Twits vs. Layla—The winner of the match is the number one contender for the Divas Championship. Kaitlyn is on commentary to scope out her competition. We learn from Michael Cole that the Bella twins have been disqualified from this match.  Tamina is owning everyone and AJ runs up and jumps into her arms. Tamina kicks AJ in the face and hopefully that will be the end of AJ. The only ones who deserve it are Tamina, Cameron, Naomi and Layla. Naomi delivers the Rear View to Tamina.  Naomi is out and out goes Tamina. Its now between Layla and AJ. AJ kicks Layla over the bottom rope and wins the shot at the title. What the fucking fuck? This is what is wrong with the WWE divas division. You give the title to ‘divas’ that don’t fucking deserve it.

Mick Foley comes down to the ring to have a talk, confront Ryback. He starts off by saying that he didn’t come out here with the intentions of having a confrontation with anyone. I love you Mick Foley but this is one time you should stay out of it. Cena doesn’t need you to come to his defense, allegedly he can fight his own battles. Oh wait breaking news, he whines and cries his way out of trouble. This is who you want to be your champion one that brings up his divorce to get over the Rock and then pitches a fit when Ryback makes a tweet about it? Fucking hypocrite, that’s what Cena is. Foley is trying to impart his wisdom on Ryback but Ryback screams at him to shut up. He says he wants to be the WWE Champion, I kind of see where he is coming from. Foley clutches the chair like he is going to start swinging at Ryback’s head. They are getting ready to brawl and here comes Super Pussy Cena to save the day. Dude it was a decent show until your crybaby ass comes bouncing out. The Shield’s music hits and Cena stands on the apron outside the ring. Cena is getting ready to make a run for it and leave Ryback to face the Shield all by his lonesome. The Shield surround the ring and they keep eyeballing Cena and here comes pussy ass bitch to save the day with a chair. I hope they fucking break you in half.  The Shield leaves and Cena delivers an AA to Ryback.  I AM PROUD OF THE FACT THAT I AM NOT A CENA MARK. He is so conceited and egotistical that he will not put anyone over. He is a backstabbing, talentless douchebag whose time is up.

Match of the night goes to the Shield, Taker, Daniel Bryan and Kane. This match was action packed and fucking amazing. If you think otherwise, then you need to have your eyes examined.

The WTF moment goes to any skit that involves John Cena. He doesn’t deserve to have the title. So you little Rock haters sit down and shut the fuck up. You always wanna bitch that the Rock didn’t deserve the belt well neither does your precious golden boy. Also second mention goes to AJ for winning the title shot. She doesn’t deserve it. Holy hell WWE stop shoving her and noodle head down our fucking throats.

In closing this was one of the best RAWS ever. The crowd was on fire and wasn’t shy about letting the WWE know what they liked and what they hated. A tip of the hat to the Shield for putting on excellent promos and a match. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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