With Riley Ross
Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I breakdown each segment and match of tonight’s episode of SmackDown. We are live from Knoxville, Tennessee. On commentary tonight we have the tolerable Michael Cole, the insufferable JBL and the often bullied Josh Matthews.
Fandango vs. Santino Marella—After Fandango cha-chas his way down to the ring, he gets all flirty and weird with Lillian Garcia. Cannot stop laughing as he asks her if she has ever Fandangoed before he twirls her around the ring and then dips her. He then tells her that was horrible before dropping her on her ass. Before Fanconceitedo can give us a lesson on how to pronounce his name, Santino interrupts. Santino then tries to dance with the ‘Cobra’ to Fandingo’s music and while Fandango charges, Santino pulls the ropes down and out goes Fawndawngo. The match finally starts and Fandango slams Santino’s head into the turnbuckle. He is delivering stomps to Santino and gets him over to the ropes, the referee stops him. He is so making Marella his bitch as he shows off his aggressive side. Dude, it’s wrestling not gyrating with the superstars. Here comes the cobra and Fanfullofhimselfo plants him with a vicious DDT and scores the win.
Teddy Long and Booker T are having a heated discussion when the Big Show interrupts and whines about his match with Randy Orton and Sheamus on Monday. Teddy Long apparently booked a tag match with Big Show and Mark Henry to take on Randy Orton and Sheamus again.
Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett—this will be a Champion vs. Champion Match. The match starts up with a lockup and Barrett backs Kingston into a corner. He is delivering knees and elbows to Kingston. Kofi delivers a Hurricanrana and goes for a pin attempt but Barrett kicks out. Kingston goes for a side headlock but Barrett counters and slams him down. Barrett is throwing hard right hook but Kofi counters with a side Russian leg sweep and follows up with a kick to the face. Kofi goes for a pin but Barrett kicks out. Barrett shows why he is a bare knuckled brawler as he delivers punches again and then kicks Kofi out of the ring. When Kofi comes back in Barrett goes for the pin again but Kofi kicks out. He puts Kofi on the top ropes and delivers a high knee, he then follows up with another pin attempt but Kofi kicks out again. Kofi tries to show why you shouldn’t count him out as he goes to the top rope but Barrett pulls him down. He locks Kofi into a reverse chin lock and Kofi is delivering kicks. He gets caught by Barrett and slammed down to the ground. Barrett goes for the pin but Kofi counters with a rollup and scores the win.
Renee Young is attempting to interview Mark Henry but Sheamus charges at him and takes him down. He stands over Mark Henry and says that is what he does.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger—why can’t this feud be over? This match starts off with a lockup and both men battling for control. Swagger goes after the injured left leg of Del Rio while Del Rio goes after Swagger’s shoulder. That’s right Del Rio break his shoulder. Swagger is going after Del Rio’s leg like a rabid dog. He tries to wrap the leg around the ring post but Del Rio kicks him off. Del Rio is quick with the kicks. Back suplex from Swagger to Del Rio and somehow Del Rio’s injured leg gets caught up on the ropes. He falls off of the apron and Zeb Colter is antagonizing him. Back from commercial and Swagger is still in charge of the match but Del Rio is trying to mount a comeback. Del Rio goes on the top rope and collides into Swagger with his bad leg. Del Rio is trying really hard to change things around. Swagger is going after the left leg again and takes down Del Rio with a clothesline. Del Rio kicks out at two and you can see that Swagger is getting frustrated. Del Rio uses the ropes to his advantage so he can work on Swagger’s shoulder. Holy shit Del Rio just delivered a fucking sweet backbreaker to Swagger, he follows up with kidney shots and a backstabber. He goes for the pin but Swagger kicks out. Somehow Swagger locks in the Patriot Lock in the middle of the ring and Del Rio somehow makes it to the ropes forcing Swagger to break the hold. Swagger goes to the top rope and delivers a Swagger bomb to Del Rio. Holy catnip this match is going on forever. Del Rio is getting some offense in as he goes for the Cross Arm Breaker and Swagger counters by shoving him out of the ring. Swagger gets kicked and Del Rio goes for the pin but Swagger grabs the bottom rope. Del Rio has the Cross Arm breaker locked in but Swagger counters with a pin but Del Rio counters with a rollup of his own. Alberto Del Rio gets the win.
A recap of Ryback explaining why he is targeting Cena is shown. I’m all for this feud due to the fact that Cena doesn’t deserve the title. It should go to someone fresh and who isn’t shoved down our throats repeatedly.
The Shield shows up on the Titantron to talk about the beatdown they delivered to John Cena on Monday. I love hearing these three talk, they can cut a promo. They start in on the Undertaker and said that the Taker is afraid of the Shield. They go on to say that they will defeat the Undertaker as they have never been defeated.
The Great Khali/Natalya/Hornswoggle vs. Primo/Epico/Rosa—Oh holy hell, I would rather hear John Laurinatis read from the phone book then to see this match. Natalya and Rosa start the match off and Rosa nearly got her makeup slapped off. Natalya needs a real opponent not some jackass who thinks she can wrestle. Natalya tags in the Great Khali and here comes Epico. Khali is taking on both Primo and Epico. Rosa is trying to distract Khali but Hornswoggle pulls on her ankle and she chases him around the ring until Natalya clotheslines her ass. Khali chokeslams Epico and scores the win.
Mark Henry/Big Show vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus—Sheamus and Mark Henry start off the match. Instead of going for a traditional lock up they have a war of the words before Henry tags in the Big Show. Both men are clobbering each other. Show delivers chops to Sheamus’ chest but Sheamus reverses it and takes Big Show clubbering. Here comes Randy Orton fresh in with a tag and he is delivering punches the Big Show. He goes to attack Big Show but Show delivers a brutal sidewalk slam to him. Here comes Mark Henry to choke Orton with the ropes. He then delivers brutal head butts to Orton and then follows it up with a bear hug. Come on Orton lean into him and whisper sweet words in his ear and have him drop you quicker than AT&T drops a phone call. Here comes the Big Show and the crowd is behind Orton. Here comes Sheamus to decimate the Big Show. Sheamus is fucking on fire tonight. He picks up the Show and delivers the White Noise. Sheamus calls for the Brogue kick but ends up knocking Mark Henry off of the apron. Big Show delivers a spear and both men are down. Back from commercial and Big Show is in charge of the match. Sheamus is trying to mount a comeback but falls flat with his efforts. He is trying to get to Randy but Show will not let him get near his tag partner. Mark Henry is in as he tries do to the Vulcan death grip on Sheamus ok so not really but that’s what it looks like. He tags in the Big Show and both men double team Sheamus. He has some sort of death grip on Sheamus’ shoulder and come on Sheamus get your ass up and tag in Orton. Here comes Mark Henry and Randy Orton. Orton is showing off his aggressive side as he punches the shit out of Mark Henry. He DDTs Mark Henry and goes for the pin but Mark Henry kicks out. He is going for the DDT from the second rope but Big Show comes in and punches him in the kidney. He does this to Big Show as he gets tagged in. That’s right Orton slam the mat baby. Fuck Mark Henry as he hits Orton. Big Show chokeslams Orton and gets the pin. Grrrrrrrrrr what a fucking bullshit end to a fucking crappy ass match.
Match of the night goes to Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio. Their match might have been long but it was still awesome as hell. It was the only segment that kept me glued to my seat.
The WTF moment goes to JBL on commentary. I’m sorry but the offspring of Mr. Ed and Johnny Ace needs to shut the fuck up and go play golf somewhere. You fuck up more on commentary than that poor Josh Matthews.
In conclusion I wasn’t too happy with SmackDown tonight. The matches seemed blah, the commentary sucked donkey balls, and there were recaps galore. I give it a D-. The only saving graces were the Alberto Del Rio match and seeing Randy Orton. Come on WWE and take a lesson from Ring of Honor. They can show you how it is done from putting on action packed matches, female matches and short to the point promos.