Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 03-25-13


Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment and match of RAW. We are live from Philadelphia, PA. We are 13 days away from WrestleMania. Tonight on commentary we have the affable Jerry Lawler and snarky Michael Cole.

Here comes CM Punk and Paul Heyman to open the show. Paul Heyman is holding up the urn like it’s the title that used to decorate Punk’s waist. He goes on to talk about the streak. He says that it should have ended it last year with Shawn Michaels, Triple H and him skipping off in the sunset.  He says he took to the Urn not to disrespect the memory of Paul Bearer but because it means everything to the Undertaker. Bitch please as much as I love you, you are delusional if you think Taker is scared of you. The music of the Undertaker hits and the lights go out when they come back up, Taker is in the ring beating the shit out of a cowardly little bitch.

Fawndawngo vs. whomever—He actually made it to the ring twice now but Jericho takes the fight to him. He wasn’t scheduled to face Fawndawngoh but he nailed him with a few punches. Fawndawngo runs to the back like a scaredy cat.

Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler—As usual Ziggler is accompanied to the ring by AJ and Big E. Ziggler and Jericho are trading blows back and forth in the ring. Jericho takes him down and goes for the Walls of Jericho but Ziggler counters with a boot to the midsection. Jericho takes a second to build up the crowd. Back from commercial and Ziggler is in control of the match. He and Jericho are trading chops back and forth in the middle of the ring. Jericho is showing that we shouldn’t count him out as he delivers a sweet double ax handle to Ziggler. He follows up with a running bulldog and then takes out Big E as he tries to interfere. Hey Referee send those two to the back. They don’t fucking belong there.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho locked in and Ziggler taps out. Here comes Big E to attack. For fucks sake cover up your big boobies no one wants to see them. Here comes Fanbitcho to attack Jericho. Why does he keep screaming ‘say my name’, but the crowd of Philly keeps him in check by chanting ‘you cannot wrestle’.

Matt Striker is interviewing Sheamus about his feelings on the Big Show being their tag partner. The Shield attacks and here comes Orton but they make him their little bitch. The Big Show comes in at the last possible second and scares off the Shield. Sorry Orton but I really want you to turn heel and join forces with the Shield.

Mark Henry vs. The Usos—Yes this is a two on one match. The Usos have to tag each other in to the match. Henry is delivering headbutts and tossing bodies around the ring. Henry delivers a World’s Strongest Slam and scores the win. He tosses the one that was outside the ring and delivers a brutal World’s Strongest Slam and then he does it to the other one.

Here comes another overplayed recap of the Rock/John Cena feud. The more I see this the more it makes me realize I am not a fan of John Cena. To blame your divorce on the Rock is complete and utter bullshit. Apparently that falls on you Booboo so sit your ass down and shut the fuck up. That’s on you and your ex-wife and no one else. Take responsibility for your own actions and be a MAN.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Alberto Del Rio—Ricardo Rodriguez does the introduction for ADR. Poor Ricardo with his broken ankle. Of course as the match gets underway here comes Jack Swagger and his mentor Zeb Colter. Swagger has to attack Ricardo. Swagger is just proving why he doesn’t deserve a push. ADR is chasing him thru the crowd and gets counted out. FUCK SHAGGY SWAGGER. I wouldn’t put it past him to blow his chance again. Del Rio takes his aggression out on Cesaro.

Prime Time Players vs. Team Hell No—Kane and Daniel Bryan are working together to decimate Titus O’Neil. As Daniel Bryan is killing Darren Young, here comes the Ziggler gang to watch from the top of the ramp. They need to turn around and go back to the locker room. They don’t have any fucking business out there. Kane is back in the match and he is going to kill Darren Young. Kane Chokeslams Young for the win.

Triple H is going to respond to the stipulations that Lesnar and Heyman put in place for the match at WM 29. The more I see the recap of last week the more I love Triple H. I have always been a huge fan of his. He has done a lot for the company. He is complimenting Brock Lesnar by saying he is a destroyer and a machine. I don’t fucking see it. I hate Lesnar, I think he is a little cowardly bitch. He tells Lesnar to come to WM like his career and life are on the line. Wade Barrett’s music hits and he rudely gestures for Trips to go. Triple H delivers a low blow and stares at the WrestleMania sign.

Wade Barrett vs. The Miz—Miz is going for the Atomic Drop to add insult to Barrett’s injury. If you keep doing that move than he will counter. Get your nuts back in the match Barrett, it’s your own damn fault that Trips attacked you. You never disrespect him. Barrett delivers a High Knee to Miz’s midsection. The fight goes to the outside of the ring and Miz delivers an Ax Handle drop to Barrett. Back from commercial and Barrett is going for a pin. Miz kicks out. Barrett is going after the back of the Miz which he apparently injured during the commercial. I like both men but this match is in danger of putting me to sleep. Miz hits the high running knee, follows up with a boot and goes for a pin but Barrett kicks out at two. OMG he just pulled an Orton by slamming the mat in frustration. I’m FANGIRLING!!!!! Barrett goes for the Wastelands but Miz counters. Barrett signals that he is going for the Bull Hammer but Miz counters. Once again Barrett’s nuts get injured by the ropes and the Miz locks in the Figure 4 Leglock. I love you Miz but your Figure 4 needs work Sweetie. Miz wins via submission.

Kane and Daniel Bryan are shown in the locker room having a spirited conversation. They are arguing over their upcoming match at WM with Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Kaitlyn is trying to be the voice of reason as AJ listens from the doorway. Love the ‘wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead’ comment. AJ attacks and the men try to stop the catfight. I’m predicting there will be a Kaitlyn/AJ match at WM 29.

Great Khali/Justin Gabriel/Zack Rdyer vs. The Shield—Maybe now Zack Ryder will shut his whiney little mouth now that he has TV time. He does nothing for the company and I’m surprised that he has lasted this long. So far the Job Squad is dominating the Shield and this doesn’t sit well with me. Come on Rollins and break that bitter bitch in half. Here comes Ambrose and damn he is taking the fight to Ryder. The Shield wins and Khali is trying to take on all three men of the Shield. Child please, one man isn’t going to stop the Shield. Here comes Orton and Sheamus to the ring to take on the Shield. Big Show comes thru the crowd which evens the playing field. And we have a brawl ladies and gentlemen. The Shield putting up a valiant attempt clears out of the ring.

Jericho is being interviewed by whomever and he announces that he gets a match against Fandango at WM 29. That’s a nasty shiner you got there boo. God I love Chris Jericho but Fandango doesn’t deserve a match at WM. Once again Jericho is magic on the microphone with his promos.

Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Brodus Clay/Sweet T—The Bella Twits are there to escort the mouthy duo of Team Rhodes Scholars to the ring. Clay and Sweet T are dominating the hell out of Rhodes Scholars. My thing is if they Bellas are there to save the Divas division then how come the little idiots haven’t had a match yet? Since y’all did give Sweet T a bigger uniform then please do the same for Big E. Cody Rhodes is stretching Sweet T into a submission move but he counters with a right hook to Rhodes. Here comes Brodus to squish the poor Rhodes. Once he is out of the ring the Bellas try to console him but Cameron and Naomi throw down the pompoms and attack.  Sandow uses the distraction to score the win over Clay.

A recap of the Mark Henry vs. Ryback from last week is shown. Was a snooze fest than and it still is.

Ryback vs. 3MB—Ummm why is this match even happening? Is this whatever Mark Henry can do Ryback can do better? 3MB is actually working together as they tag in and tag out of the match. Here comes Ryback to gain the momentum. Holy shit he has two men on his shoulders and destroyed them with the Shellshocked.  The two man Shellshocked move was impressive due to the fact that it wasn’t the normal jobberst that Ryback used to squash. Ryback wins.

We learn that Mark Henry and Ryback will have a weightlifting competition this Friday on SmackDown. Oh yay another show off contest and yes that was sarcasm. At this point does anyone care how much they can lift? Impress us by putting on a match that will steal the show at WrestleMania 29.

AJ Lee vs. Kaitlyn—Kaitlyn is showing off her aggressive side as she goes after AJ. I miss the days when they used to tag team together. Holy hell that was a brutal bitch slap from AJ. Kaitlyn is owning AJ’s little troll ass. C’mon Kaitlyn get in the ring. Apparently when Kaitlyn is trying to spear AJ and the little twit moved, Kaitlyn went shoulder first into the barricade. Fucking hell AJ wins via countout. I’m sorry but there are other divas that deserve a title shot more than that little moppet. Hello Natalya, Tamina, and Layla.

Up next is a Q&A panel with Hall of Famers and John Cena and the Rock. Booker T, Mick Foley, Dusty Rhodes, and Bret Hart are on this panel. Each one of the legends will ask either Cena or the Rock a question and the other will get a chance to respond. Foley starts off by asking if Cena can live with another loss to the Rock. Good question, in my opinion. Cena says that the outcome will change the WWE forever. I’m so over this fucking match already and I am over both the Rock and Cena. Either way you go and both fan bases will be crying like little girls who didn’t get asked to the dance. If you ask me neither one deserves to be the WWE champion. It needs to go someone fresh such as Randy Orton or anyone else but the Rock or Cena. Cena’s character is stale as fuck and whether or not he goes heel will not change that. It would be the same damn thing. I love the Rock but if you aren’t going to be there full time then you shouldn’t be champion. Both men are egotistical morons. Cena is talking out his ass implying he will win. The panel is asking hard hitting questions but every time Cena opens his mouth to speak I just want to kick him. He is no match against the Rock when it comes to verbal skills.  Cena says the Rock didn’t beat him but that Cena beat Cena. They have therapists for that. I suggest you take your shelf ass and go to one. Finally it turns physical and Horse Face Super Doody Cena gets Rock Bottomed like the worthless little bitch that he is.

In closing I thought the show was decent. I will give it a grade of B+. Match of the night goes to the Shield for taking on the Job Squad. My WTF moment goes to Wade Barrett for attempting to disrespect Triple H. Make sure you all check out  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.




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