Riley’s Corner: WWE Smackdown Review for 03-15-13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each match and segment of SmackDown. It’s just my opinion but SmackDown has been sucking ass a lot more than usual. Both RAW and SmackDown should be decent especially with the Road to WrestleMania. Although I am really enjoying the fact that JBL isn’t there on commentary, he sucks on the microphone. Tonight on commentary we have Michael Cole, Josh Matthews and the super annoying Segment Killer, Brad Maddox.

Sheamus/Randy Orton vs. Rhodes Scholars—Sheamus and Rhodes kick off the match. Sorry Rhodes but that was copious amounts of ass touching that you did there on Sheamus. Here comes Sandow, freshly tagged in. The Celtic Warrior is owning the Intellectual Savior’s ass as he takes him clubbering. Here comes Cody to save his best friend but gets knocked off the apron. Rhodes and Sandow are taking the fight to Sheamus outside the ring. Back from commercial and Cody Rhodes is back in action as they are isolating Sheamus from his partner. Sandow is definitely showing off his aggressive side tonight. Sheamus kicks Sandow in the face and delivers the battering ram from the top rope. TAG IN YOUR PARTNER YOU MORON!! Thank you finally Orton is in the match. Apparently Orton is still angry at Cody from their Legacy days together as he seems to throw Rhodes around like a rag doll. He delivers a DDT from the second rope and Sandow comes into save Rhodes. Sheamus delivers a brutal Brogue kick to Sandow and Orton goes to his psychotic but happy place. He delivers an RKO to Rhodes and scores the win. The nickname for Sheamus and Orton ‘The Celtic Vipers’ sucks donkey balls.

The Shield’s music hits as Orton and Sheamus are still in the ring. It’s just a video package. BAH GAWD I love the Shield. I don’t know when it happened but they can cut a promo and back up what they say in the ring. Please WWE don’t ever drop the ball with these three men. They challenge Orton and Sheamus to a match at WrestleMania.  It will be a 3 on 3 match at WM 29.

I’m happy that they are playing the Halle Berry/Kane skit from Monday night. Kane is pure comedic genius as he ‘stans’ for Halle Berry. Please have more skits like this for Kane.

A recap of the incident with Brock Lesnar and the New Age Outlaws is replayed again. Triple H will respond to the challenge. I said it on Monday and I will say it again I hope Brock Lesnar gets his lady bits stomped at WM by Triple H. I hope he gets beat so bad he retires and we NEVER see him and his magically disappearing eyebrows ever again. He brings nothing to the table, so Lesnar on the off chance that you read this please take your stained snaggleteeth and go the fuck back to the farm. You couldn’t hack it the first time around because you are a whiney little bitch, you couldn’t hack in the UFC because when you would lose, and didn’t you curl up in a little ball and cry? What makes you think you can handle it again? Are you that fucking delusional?

Orton and Sheamus are shown backstage talking about the potential tag partner. Big Show comes up to them and tells them he wants to be their partner. Show gets pissed when they pick Ryback.

Kaitlyn/Layla vs. Aksana/Tamina—Layla and Tamina are starting off the match. Tamina just shoved Layla into the ring post. Layla is getting owned by the powerful Tamina. I give up on asking why Aksana is still employed. Cameron and Naomi are shown watching the match. Aksana has Layla in a submission hold and goes for the pin. Layla kicks out as Aksana creepily crawls to her. It’s a wrestling match not a porn movie audition. She tags in Tamina and Layla goes for a quick rollup. Kaitlyn gets the tag and what a nice flying tackle take down from the Divas champ. Tamina hits Kaitlyn from behind and then gets knocked off the apron by her own partner. Layla hits LOL and gets the win. I don’t know what happened to Kaitlyn as of recently but her moves seemed choppy and awkward.

The Bella Twins insult Cameron and Naomi by calling them hoochie mammas. Isn’t that slightly hypocritical and moronic coming from those two? While the Bellas might be pretty to look at their in-ring work needs tons of improvement. So do us all a huge favor Bella Twits and go home. Officials break up the catfight. The Divas division needs rescuing but I don’t these two are capable of saving it. Bring back Beth Phoenix and Kharma. The divas division needs the likes of Sara Del Ray, Mschef, Mia Yim, and Velvet Sky to save them. Not two airheaded idiots who can only do one or two botchy moves at best.

They show a lengthy recap of CM Punk interrupting the tribute to Paul Bearer and his match with Kane from RAW. The more they show it the more it pisses me off. You have time until WrestleMania allow for one night a special tribute to go off without a hitch.

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler—Daniel Bryan is ringside with Kane. Ziggler is accompanied to the ring by Big E Langston and AJ Lee. It’s time for Ziggler to cash in and dump those two quickly. Kane is taking his anger and pent up hostility out on ZIggler. Ziggler shows that he still has some fight in him or at least he did until Kane kicked him in the head. Ziggler does deliver a missile drop kick from the top rope. He is trying to keep the momentum going. Shit nice uppercut from Kane. I swear that troll AJ needs to stop interfering in the matches. Big E takes out Daniel Bryan but then gets knocked out by Kane.  Ziggler wins and Big E attacks Kane. If Ziggler cannot win without assistance then does he really need the MITB briefcase? Is that who we want as champion? GOOD GOD BIG E PULL YOUR STRAPS BACK ON.

Hell yes another spoof of Zeb Colter and Jackass Swagger. Thank you ADR and Ricardo Rodriguez for making me laugh. You two are awesome and I hope that you both get a bigger push. This time they go after Chris Jericho and maple syrup. R-Truth and Chris Jericho are shown laughing about the promo when Thwagger and Colter come in. Jericho says Colter looks like a cross between Yosemite Sam and Rush Limbaugh. YES!

Great Khali vs. Fandango—Poor Natalya. She deserves better than this; she deserves a Divas title run. Here comes FAAAAAAWWWWWNDONGOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to bitch and moan about no one ever getting his name right. Dude prove that you can fight or go the fuck home. What makes it even worse is they gave Khali a microphone. What the fuck did we do to deserve this shit? And once again this match never happens. This time could have been spent giving wrestlers that actually deserve TV time a shot. But noooo the WWE has to force this gimmicky shit upon this and they have the fucking audacity to question why they have low ratings. Well dumbshits if you would pull your heads out of your asses and listen to the WWE Universe, you would probably see ratings and buy rates for PPVs increase.

Oh great another recap of the upcoming John Cena and Rock match. To blame Cena’s divorce on his feud with the Rock is a fucking joke. BULLSHIT. This is why I cannot stand that fruity pebble jabroni. He cannot take responsibility for his own actions. He is a fucking moron who cannot wrestle nor can he act. Yes I went there. I am so sick and tired of everyone blowing smoke up his ass and saying that he is an amazing wrestler. No idiots an amazing wrestler improves his skills and shows that he can do more than five fucking moves of doom. He says the same thing over and over in his promos and he sucks ass more than Brock Lesnar. Fuck Cena and his five moves of DOOM. He needs to go.

Matt Striker is in the back interviewing Randy Orton and Sheamus.  As Randy Orton is talking the Shield attacks. I so wasn’t expecting it and yes I did jump and scream a little. OMG I believe in the Shield. They have destroyed Orton and Sheamus. As JR would say BAH GAWD THE SHIELD MURDERED THEM.

Mark Henry vs. Ryback—Brute versus Brute in this match. The crowd is behind Ryback and before the two men could show off what they can do, here comes the Shield to deliver sheer brutal violence. Awwww yeah! As soon as Mark Henry leaves the ring, the Shield attack. Ryback has cleared the ring and is taunting Mark Henry. Rollins, Reigns and Ambrose attack him again and the numbers game work to their favor. Now if the Shield would just attack Brad Maddox. Mark Henry enters the ring to deliver the World’s Strongest Slam. That makes you look weak as fuck Henry if you had to wait until the Shield got thru with him.

Jack Thwagger vs. Chris Jericho—I am so sick of Swagger and Colter. This storyline sucks donkey balls and is boring as fuck to watch. Swagger doesn’t have personality or talent if you ask me. Don’t get me started on his arrest a couple of weeks ago. Actually I will rant about it. They gave him the WHC title shot on a fucking silver platter and this is how Swagger thanks him.  IF it would have been Ryder, they would have fired his ass the next day. OMG this is the match that never ends. I love Jericho but only he can carry Swagger’s ass for so long before it becomes droll and boring. Swagger has the Patriot Lock locked in but Jericho counters with the Walls Of Jericho but Yosemite Colter had to distract the referee. Hey referee eject his motherfucking non-factor old ass! Swagger wins and points to the WrestleMania sign. He doesn’t deserve to go to WrestleMania and neither does John Cena.

In closing tonight’s show was boring and predictable as fuck. The only saving grace to this show was the Shield. Although the fact that John ‘Superman’ Cena wasn’t there made it easier to watch. C’mon WWE creative and put together some fresh matches. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Also on March 19 there will be the interview with Mike Bennett.  Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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