Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 03/04/13


Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner. Tonight is a special Old School Episode of RAW! We are live from Buffalo, New York. Tonight we get to see a ‘special’ segment between the Rock and John Cena. Hopefully we will get to see a lot of the legends tonight. I would like to see JR on commentary. However my wish is not granted as we have Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler at the announcer’s table.

OMG!!! The lights are out in the arena and the Undertaker’s music hits. Holy catnip this is awesome.  That man doesn’t have to say a single word. He got his point across, he is going to be at Wrestlemania 29.

CM Punk along with Paul Heyman come out ringside. Already he is whining and pouting that he should be main eventing at WM. He claims that the WWE Universe screwed him out of the title. He goes on to say that he will beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. He claims he will steal the Undertaker’s winning streak. Here comes Randy Orton to interrupt. He reminds Punk of his win over him at WM. He wants to throw his name in the running for the match against the Undertaker. Here comes the Big Show to whine and pout. Oh crap he is claiming he will end the streak before he could say more here comes Sheamus. Before he could get wound up here comes Vickie G. to make an announcement. She says there will be a fatal fourway match and whomever wins will face Taker at WM.

Ryback vs. Cesaro—Cesaro starts off by trying to keep Ryback from getting the upperhand. Ryback turns it around and Cesaro runs out of the ring. Cesaro gets scooped up by Ryback and slammed to the ground. Cesaro comes back and knocks Ryback off of the apron. He falls into the old school guard rail.  The US Champ is delivering blow after blow to Ryback. Back from commercial and Ryback is back in the fight. Cesaro goes for the Neutralizer but Ryback counters with Shellshocked. The monstrous Ryback gets the victory.

Mark Henry vs. Zack Ryder—Ryder needs to stop whining about not having a match at WM. Be happy you have a job and shut the fuck up. He tries to get in an offense but Mark Henry scoops him up and delivers the WSS. Mark Henry for the win.

Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler—Miz introduces Ric Flair who is going to be in his corner for the match. Only fair since AJ and Big E are in Dolph’s corner. Nice knee to the midsection of the Miz as Dolph has him backed into the corner.  Here comes the Miz with big punches. That chop was weak as fuck. Nice comeback from the Miz. Back from commercial and Dolph is in control of the match. Beautiful back and neck breaker from the Miz. Ziggler has the sleeper hold locked in but Miz counters. He delivers a beautiful running clothesline. Here comes AJ to distract the referee so Big E can take out the Miz. Ric deliver chops to Big E. Miz kicks Big and locks in the Figure 4 Leglock on Dolph. Miz wins via submission.

It’s time for the segment between the Rock and John Cena. The crowd is giving the rock a hell of an ovation. The Rock is magic on the microphone and in the ring. Here comes Super Cena to interrupt. The crowd welcomes Cena with ‘Cena Sucks’ chants. I love you people in Buffalo. I’m sorry but Cena gets more chances than anyone else.  Bitch your time is over, let someone else shine. Rock promises Cena that he isn’t getting redemption but his ass kicked. C’mon and fight guys. For the Rock to quote Lance Armstrong and then to say he is full of crap just like Cena made me fangirl. The only difference between Cena and Armstrong is that Armstrong’s ball is probably way bigger than both of Cena’s combined.

Jack Swagger vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan—Duggan is accompanied to the ring by Sgt. Slaughter and Dusty Rhodes. Please excuse me while I mark out. Swagger is accompanied by Zeb Colter. Swagger hits everyone with the two by four. He locks in the Patriot Lock on Hacksaw Jim Duggan.  All three men are on the ground while Swagger acts like a triumphant idiot. Josh Matthews tries to interview Swagger but Del Rio clobbers him like the little bitch he is. Del Rio is my hero.

Team Hell No vs. PTP—The Million Dollar Man says he will manage PTP if they defeat Team Hell No.  If you are going to break up Team Hell No then do it quickly. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil work well together but not as well as Kane and Daniel Bryan. Young goes off the top rope and Kane catches him and chokeslams him. Team Hell No for the win. The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase Sr. stuffs money in the mouth of Darren Young. DB looks around and goes back to the ring and steals the money.

Brodus Clay/Tensai vs. 3MB—Heath Slater is rude to Honky Tonk Man. Tensai and Clay get the victory. Honky Tonk Man gets back in the ring to dance with them.  Here comes Slater to bitch and moan some more. He gets a guitar to the head. Should have aimed for his throat.

Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston—They butcher his name as he comes out. He says he will not wrestle until they get his name right. Justin Roberts who looks stunning in his powder blue tuxedo butchers it over and over again. He goes to the back and well what a waste of our fucking time.

A recap of the fight between Brock Lesnar is played. Here comes Triple H to address Brock Lesnar. He references their match at Summerslam. He says seeing his family upset over Brock Lesnar hurting Vince gave him his reason to return to the ring. I love Triple H. He calls him out big time. Oh hell yea the ASS KICKER IS BACK!!! Buckle up bitches because shit just got real.

Wade Barrett vs. Alberto Del Rio—Barrett has Del Rio in the corner. Del Rio reverses the momentum and has Barrett on the ropes as he delivers shots to the kidneys. Barrett delivers the Winds of Change to Del Rio. Swagger and Colter are watching from the ramp. Barrett delivers a kick to the face. He goes for the Winds of Change but Del Rio counters with the Cross Arm Breaker. Del Rio wins via tap out.

The New Age Outlaws vs. Primo/Epico—The Job Squad loses in a quick match to the NAO who proved that they don’t have any ring rust. What’s the point of having Rosa out there? She doesn’t do shit for her team.

A 90th birthday celebration for Mae Young. Here comes Mean Gene Okerlund to introduce her. She is led out by the divas. He leads everyone into singing to her and here comes CM Punk and Turkey Tits, Paul Heyman.  That was a bitch move by Punk.

CM Punk vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton vs. Big Show—Show delivers a brutal headbutt to Punk. Orton gets into the ring and quickly goes back to the outside. Randy Orton and Sheamus are locking it up. Punk interrupts the pin and then tries to crawl out of the way. They pull him back and help him out of the ring by tossing him over the top rope. Back from commercial and Orton and Punk are fighting it out in the middle of the ring. Big Show and Sheamus are taking a nap outside the ring. Here comes Sheamus fresh off his nap. He delivers a weak battering ram to Punk and then takes Punk clubbering. Here comes Big Show. Big Show tries to pin Sheamus but Punk interrupts. Punk gets KO’d.  Sheamus delivers White Noise to Show. He goes for the pin but Show kicks out at 2. Orton gets chokeslammed and then Sheamus. Big Show goes to pin Sheamus but Sheamus kicks out at the last possible second.  Randy Orton delivers an RKO out of nowhere to Sheamus and gets the GTS by Punk. It will be Punk vs. Undertaker at WM 29. Undertaker’s music hits as Punk watches the ramp for his opponent’s immediate arrival. The two men have a stare down as the show closes.

In closing this was definitely a throwaway show. It was great seeing some of the legends but it was mostly filler. I give the show a C-. It could have been better especially with the return of the Undertaker. JR should have been on commentary. Match of the night goes to Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler. The WTF moment goes to Jackass Swagger hitting the legends. Make sure you all check out  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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