With Riley Ross
Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I will breakdown each segment/match of RAW. Tonight they are in Dallas, Texas. Hopefully tonight we will have the legends such as the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels there. Tonight we have the match between CM Punk and John Cena to see who will face the Rock at WM 29. Also we get to see Paul Heyman and Vince McMahon slug it out.
Vince McMahon comes out to the ring to kick off the show. He says even though its been three weeks since his hip surgery, he should still be able to whip Paul Heyman. He introduces his opponent and here comes Heyman dressed to fight. Heyman makes a reference to the Dallas Cowboys always losing. Heyman shoves McMahon down to the ground and both men have a crutch in their hands. A swing and a hit from Heyman to the McMahon’s back. He goes to swing again and McMahon hits him. FUCK YEAH. Here comes Brock Lesnar to unleash hell upon McMahon. As soon as Lesnar and his disappearing eyebrows clear the ring the music of the one and Only Triple H hits. Marking the fuck out over here. YES dammit, this is going to be a slobber knocker as they meet up. OMG they are brawling and LESNAR is bleeding. Somehow Lesnar picks Triple H up and flings him onto the announcer’s table. Triple H is in the ring and Lesnar is having a hissy fit. TRIPLE H WITH THE SPINEBUSTER to Lesnar and a chair shot. Holy shit!!!!!!!! Lesnar is bleeding like a stuck pig.
Ziggler vs. Ryback—Dolph Ziggler is accompanied to the ring by AJ and Big E. Ryback slams Ziggler to the ground and is dominating the hell out of his opponent. Langston is looking on cautiously as Ziggler tries to mount a comeback. Back from commercial and Ryback was holding Ziggler in place for a suplex. He finally drops Ziggler to the ground. Here comes Big E to attack Ryback. For fucks sake get him a bigger outfit. I don’t really want to see his ass cheeks hanging out. Ziggler is making a comeback into the match but Ryback flings him like monkey does with his poo. Ziggler hits a beautiful DDT and fails at pinning Ryback. He goes for a sleeper hold and Ryback knocks him back. Ziggler goes to fly at Ryback and gets knocked back like he is a fly. Here comes AJ to distract the referee so Big E could attack. Big E gets knocked off the apron and Ryback delivers the Shell Shocked to Ziggler for the win.
CM Punk is in the ring. He is talking about the future of the WWE. Says he is more important than Wrestlemania and The Rock. He goes on to say that he is the Best in the World and he is immortal. I will have whatever he is having. He claims to be a god and then throws the microphone down.
Donald Trump is going to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. No just no. But then again I seem to be in the minority for this so whatever.
Khali vs. Mark Henry—Khali delivers a boot to the face of Henry. I really don’t care about this match. Somehow Henry makes a comeback and delivers the WSS to Khali for the win.
Miz TV is up next with the special guest stars of ADR, Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter. Del Rio is accompanied to the ring by Ricardo. Colter says he wanted to talk to Glenn Beck but Beck chickened out. So he says he will talk to ADR. Colter goes on to spew his beliefs and all I hear is yada, yada, yada. ADR tells him to shut up rather viciously but good for him. He tells them to make him leave right now as he takes off his jacket. Are we going to acknowledge Swagger’s recent legal troubles? Apparently not as Swagger says he will take care of it at WM. During the commercial break Swagger attacks the Miz.
Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro—Orton takes down Cesaro and is owing his worthless ass. This match was full of back and forth action. Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere for the win.
Kane and DB are talking backstage about their upcoming match with the Prime Time Players. DB is saying he could beat them blindfolded and Kane says he could do it with one hand tied behind his back. Here comes Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero to punish us all. Team Brickie says that Team Hell No will fight handicapped. DB is going to be blindfolded and Kane will have one hand tied behind his back.
Here comes Sheamus looking fine as hell in a suit and tie. He is whining about the Oscars last night. He says that they overlooked the most talented actor of them all, Wade Barrett. They show another clip of Dead Man Down. Sheamus is all set on embarrassing Wade Barrett. Here comes Wade Barrett to seek vengeance. Barrett goes to attack but Sheamus moves out of the way. He tries to counter with the Brogue Kick but Barrett moves.
R-Truth vs. Cody Rhodes—Rhodes’ best friend Damien Sandow is on commentary. Welcome back R-Truth. R-Truth wins against Rhodes and Sandow tries to attack but R-Truth was ready for him.
Another video package of Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. My question is why haven’t they suspended him yet? They suspended other superstars but not him. That’s bullshit. If you punish one then you should punish them all. I don’t give a fuck if he is an asskisser he sucks on the microphone and in the ring.
Team Hell No vs. Prime Time Players—Kane has one hand tied behind his back and DB has a blindfold over his head. DB and Titus O’Neil start the match off. DB goes to put the referee into a submission hold but is quickly reminded of his mistake. O’Neil attacks from behind. This match is completely pointless. Titus goes to deliver an elbow drop but DB rolls out of the ring. Kane goes to help him but DB punches him. Here comes Kane to destroy Darren Young. Kane is a beast. Kane gets the win.
Here comes the Shield. Dean Ambrose is vowing there will not be peace in the WWE until justice has been delivered. He is fucking magic on the microphone. All three men are talented on the microphone and can back up their talk in the ring. While Rollins is ranting here comes Sheamus to interrupt them. While Rollins is distracted here comes Orton to nail him with a RKO.
Jack Swagger vs. The Miz—Miz is on the offense but Swagger slams him down to the ground. Holy fucking hell Miz, run now. Here is my unbiased opinion on Swagger, he doesn’t have the talent nor the fucking charisma and skills on the microphone to be a superstar. True you can pair him up with a manager but that just means the manager has to carry his ass. At least others have shown improvement. He delivers a Swagger bomb to the Miz. Swagger is really going after his ankle. He has the Patriot Lock locked in and scores the win. I say it loudly and proudly what a fucking crock of shit.
Josh Matthews introduces a special guest and guess who it is; yep it’s John fucking Cena. How in the hell is he a special guest when he is there every damn week?
CM Punk vs. John Cena—Whomever wins this match goes to WM29 to face the Rock. They lock up in the middle of the ring. Punk puts him in a side headlock. Back from commercial and Super Cena is delivering suplexes. He delivers a running bulldog to Punk. C’mon on Punk. Punk is getting to his feet and delivers a heel kick to Cena. Cena goes flying out of the ring and Punk goes flying out to greet him. Back from commercial and Punk is in control and of course Super Cena comes back into the fight. Punk has the Anaconda Vice locked in. Cena counters and has the STF locked in. Punk reverses it and has the Anaconda Vice locked in. Both men are countering like hell. WTF Cena is doing some new moves tonight. Don’t strain yourself Boo, you might hurt yourself. Cena has the STF locked in but Punk manages to crawl to the ropes. Holy fuck that was a sick piledriver to Cena. Punk goes for the flying elbow but Golden Boy moves out of the way. He delivers a weak ass Hurricanrana for the win. Sorry but not really Naomi’s Hurricanrana is a hell of a lot better than Cena’s move. You want to impress me do it right or not at all.
For all of the Cena fans that are attacking other wrestling fans do us all a huge favor and shut up. You bitch and moan if your boy doesn’t get a shot but gloat like hell when he wins. And Zack Ryder quit your fucking whining. You are coming across a crybaby.
In closing I thought RAW was decent. Super heavy on recaps and commercials but I can deal with it. I give the show a grade of A-. Decent matches tonight; match of the night goes to Punk and Cena. WTF moment goes to Swagger. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.