Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 01-28-13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where hopefully tonight’s show will be better than the Royal Rumble. Tonight we are live from Las Vegas, Nevada and it’s the return of the RAW Roulette. I know I wasn’t happy with Super Cena winning the Royal Rumble last night and I still stand by what I said. He doesn’t deserve the win. While I’m on my Royal Rumble rant, Ted DiBiase should have had a spot in the match.

Vickie G. opens up the show and explains the rules of the RAW Roulette. There are three wheels, one for the superstars, one for stipulations and the last one is Vickie’s special challenges. Here comes an angry CM Punk running down to the ring.  He is insisting (okay yelling) that he did not lose the title. Vince McMahon comes out to interrupt and Punk is dropping pipebombs right and left. Vince says he has evidence implicating Paul Heyman being involved with the Shield. Vince says that he will do a performance review on Heyman later tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro—(Special guest referee) The Miz is the special guest referee. WOOOOOOO! Back from commercial and Randy has pinned Cesaro but the US champion kicks out. Miz is on point as the referee. Nice clothesline from Orton and another pin attempt.  Orton has tapped into the aggressive side as he dominates Cesaro.  Orton tossed Cesaro out like he was yesterday’s trash.  Coming off of commercials and Cesaro has gained the upperhand. Nice powerslam by Orton but Cesaro counters with a flying uppercut.  Nice the Miz and Cesaro fight until Orton hits the RKO on Cesaro and gets the win. Miz hits the SCF on Cesaro.

Ryback spins the wheel for Vickie’s special challenge and gets stuck with the Make me laugh.

Ryback vs. The Prime Time Players in a Make me Laugh Challenge. Poor Matt Striker as the PTP make a joke at his expense. Ryback makes a joke but then attacks Titus O’Neil. Ryback wins the challenge and then attacks Matt Striker.

Wade Barrett vs. Bo Dallas (Player’s Choice)—Barrett wants revenge on the NXT Rookie who eliminated him from the Royal Rumble. So Bo Dallas got some offense in but that doesn’t mean that you are ready for the big time. Holy fucking shit in the upset of the century Bo Dallas wins.

Cody Rhodes spins the wheel and gets John Cena as his opponent.

Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena—Cody Rhodes after a few minutes of wrestling tries to leave after saying it’s a waste of time. Super Cena brings him back into the ring and wins AGAIN. He is on the microphone and talks about winning the Royal Rumble. He challenges The Rock at WM 29. The highlight of this bullshit is the Shield coming down to attack him. I hope they destroy him. Here comes Sheamus to defend Cena.

The stipulation wheel lands on Lingerie Pillow fight and it turns out the opponents are Tensai and Brodus Clay. After Tensai storms off, the stipulation is changed to a Dance Off. Brodus tells Vickie not to worry as he will tell Tensai about the challenge change. Tensai comes out in lingerie and has a hissy fit because Brodus forgot to tell him. After much coaxing they get Tensai to dance and he walks off in shame.

ADR spins the wheel and gets a body slam challenge for his match with the Big Show.

ADR vs. Big Show (Body Slam Challenge)—Big Show knocks Ricardo out of the way and lands a KO punch to ADR. Big Show duct tapes ADR to the rope. Ricardo tries to protect his friend but gets kicked repeatedly for his efforts. Show then angrily delivers chops to Ricardo’s chest. ADR is struggling to get free so he can save Ricardo. Big Show delivers a KO punch to the hapless Ricardo while ADR watches on.

Tamina vs. Kaitlyn—(Las Vegas Showgirls Lumberjill match) Tamina has awesome skills and strength. I would love to see her as the next Divas champion. Kaitlyn gets thrown out of the ring and attacked by the divas outside the ring. Once inside the ring she delivers a flying tackle to Tamina. All the divas are inside the ring and all hell has broken loose. The referees have lost control of the match. Kaitlyn apparently wins due to DQ.

The Rock comes out with his new WWE championship title in hand. The crowd is going nuts for him. He wants to thank the WWE universe for being supportive. He goes on to say that the days of CM Punk saying that the fans don’t matter are over. Here comes an angry CM Punk to lash out against the Rock. Rock tells him that he if had an ounce of balls and manhood he would come down the ramp and take the title from him. He walks down to the ring and turns around. He tells Rock he does things when he wants to. He tells Rock that he will give him a rematch and lists the places and dates of where he will be. We are getting a rematch at Elimination Chamber in three weeks.  EC is the last PPV before Wrestlemania. Highlight of this was when the Rock called Paul Heyman ‘deep fried twinkie tits’.

Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus (Tables Match)—Before the match can get too interesting Sandow runs to the outside. He quickly gets back inside the ring and promptly leaves again. Sheamus goes to help him back into the ring. Sheamus almost had him thru the table. Sandow delivers a brutal dropkick to Sheamus outside the ring. Finally a table gets introduced to the ring. Sandow keeps working the seemingly injured left shoulder of the Celtic Warrior. Sandow using the table as a weapon to work the shoulder. Fucking hell that snap sounded awful. I think that was his arm.  Sheamus mounts an offensive and drives Sandow thru the table. Sheamus wins.

Great Khali vs. Zack Ryder in a WWE Karaoke match.  Khali has to sing Shawn Michaels’ theme song. OMG this is a travesty and a fucking insult to the WWE Universe. Here comes 3MB to save the day. Zack Ryder tries to get his say in.  Drew McIntyre plays the air guitar and gets slammed by Khali.  Down goes Heath Slater and Zack Ryder drags him to the corner so Hornswoggle could attack him. Well at least we don’t have to hear Ryder sing or fucking whine about not being on RAW.

Chris Jericho is shown backstage. Thank you WWE gods for Jericho. He is back bitches!!!!!!!! Yes you fooled us you lovable little jerk. TO the people in the audience last night at the RR chanting ‘you still got it’, bitches please he never fucking lost it. Here comes Dolph Ziggler, AJ and Big E Langston. I really want to hit AJ and Dolph with the briefcase. Jericho proving that he is magic on the microphone as he insults all three idiots in the ring. Vickie spins the wheel for the stipulation of their match and it is Strange Bedfellows. They have to team together to face Team Hell No.

Team Hell No vs. Jericho/Ziggler—Back from commercial its Ziggler and Daniel Bryan starting it off. Ziggler acts like he will tag in Jericho but refuses to. Ziggler gets blind tagged by Jericho. DB tags in Kane but Jericho launches DB into Kane. He hits Kane from behind and makes it look like Ziggler did it. Kane chokeslams Ziggler and scores the win.

The newest inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is Trish Stratus. Congratulations you deserve this. You have come a long way.

It’s now time for the personal performance review on Paul Heyman by Vince McMahon. We learn that Punk was escorted out of the building a few minutes earlier. After shaking Heyman’s hand Vince uses hand sanitizer. After much verbiage Heyman is begging for his job. A video is shown of Heyman and Brad Maddox a few weeks earlier. Turns out Maddox and the Shield are in their back pockets. The Shield brutally attack Maddox in the video.  Heyman is shaking in his loafers when the cameras cut back to him. Heyman is saying that the person on the video isn’t him. Before Vince can utter ‘you’re fired’ here comes Brock Lesnar. What the hell I just marked out for Lesnar and I hate the guy? He gets up in Vince’s face and stares him down. Lesnar delivers the F5 to the chairman of the board.

In closing I give tonight’s show a D-. It was almost as bad as the PPV last night. The match of the night goes to Orton and Cesaro. Everything was mindless filler, it was almost as if the creative team had Colorado brownies while planning matches. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at  10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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