Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 01-21-13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I break down each segment of tonight’s RAW show. This is the go home show leading into this Sunday’s Royal Rumble PPV. Hopefully tonight’s show will be better than last week’s show. RAW is coming at you from San Jose, California. Tonight there is a Beat the Clock Challenge between six men and the prize is to determine their entrance into the Rumble. Also the Rock is going to be there tonight.

The show opens with a video clip of Martin Luther King Jr. Here comes Vickie Guerrero with Paul Heyman escorting her to the ring. They have apparently teamed up to strike against the Rock due to his concert last week. Since she played the footage of Rock insulting Heyman; he returns the favor while she begs him not too. Vickie Guerrero has declared that the Rock is banned from entering her arena and that if he does enter, he will be arrested. She is informed that the Rock is here and was just informed that he cannot enter the arena. The policemen are trying not to laugh as the Rock insults CM Punk, Vickie Guerrero and Paul Heyman.  Vickie for the love of your job please never say ‘if you smell what the Vick is cooking’ ever again.

The first Beat the Clock match is between Antonio Cesaro and the Apex Predator Randy Orton. Just a reminder that six men are doing these matches and the winner with the best time will choose his entry number into the Royal Rumble.

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro—The match is fast paced and not even 30 seconds into it and Orton has had two pin attempts.  The crowd is behind Orton as they cheer his name. Nice Thesz press from Orton and he follows with massive boots to the shoulder. Nice drop kick from Orton and other pin attempt. Cesaro runs to the outside as if that would stop Orton. Back from commercial and we are at the 7 minute mark. Cesaro hits the Gutwrench on Orton and gets a near fall but Orton kicks out. Orton comes back with a weak uppercut but Cesaro counters. Orton goes for the DDT from the second rope but Cesaro counters with an uppercut and nearly wins. Cesaro flings Orton into the ring post shoulder first. Orton hits the RKO and wins. Holy shit that was quick and vicious.

Big Show vs. Zack Ryder—Brad Maddox comes out to join Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole on commentary.  Ryder is getting his ass handed to him by Big Show. Just stay down Ryder. Big Show gets the win. Hey at least Ryder was on RAW so he shouldn’t bitch about it.

Paul Heyman is shown backstage talking on his cellphone and is interrupted by Brad Maddox. They are thanking each other and Paul is up to something.

Heath Slater vs. Ryback—Slater is joined by his fellow partners Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. Wendy, I mean Heath is getting some offense in but Ryback quickly squashes his momentum. Drew and Jinder try to intervene but get tossed out of the ring for their efforts. Ryback hits Shell Shocked to Slater for the win. Ryback gets on the microphone and states that ‘his job is fun.’

Rock is shown trying to convince the policemen to let him into the arena. Just let him into the damn arena already. Vickie Guerrero comes out and tells them to arrest the Rock. They say no and she berates them. I wouldn’t be opposed to see them accidentally taze her. She says she will lift the ban if he apologizes to her and makes it good. He insults her again and she runs off either crying or shrieking.

Here comes CM Punk and his manager Paul Heyman. He goes on to say that while the Rock is there to make jokes and sing; Punk is there to hurt people. While he continues on his tirade the crowd is chanting the Rock’s name. Sorry but isn’t this the same promo from last week and the week before?

Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz—The second match in the Beat the Clock challenge. Ziggler is accompanied to the ring by Big E Langston and AJ. Miz takes it to Ziggler and has two pin attempts before the first minute has expired. I’m loving the aggressive side of the Miz tonight and he goes for the Figure 4 leg lock and Ziggler throws him outside the ring. Big E attacks the Miz and Ziggler throws the Miz into the ring. Miz gets the Figure 4 locked in and AJ distracts the ref so Big E could pull Dolph to the ropes. Dolph wins. So pissed off about the ending of this match but I’m gonna keep my mouth shut because y’all don’t want me to rant right now.

Team Hell No is graduating from anger management courses tonight. Dr. Shelby gives a quick little introductory speech before Kane and Daniel Bryan come out wearing black gowns. Dr. Shelby gives another speech before introducing the valedictorian. The tag team champions are fighting over who the valedictorian is. Somehow Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole hug it out as the crowd erupts in cheers. They are making everyone hug it out. The segment ends with a group hug from Dr. Shelby, Kane and Daniel Bryan.

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox—Tamina is shown backstage watching the match. The fight between Alicia and Kaitlyn is quickly taken to the outside of the ring. How in the hell does Alicia Botchy still have a job in the WWE? Kaitlyn retains.

Punk is with Heyman and they are talking about how Punk needs to watch what Heyman has in store for the Rock. Back from commercial and Heyman is in the ring while Punk watches from a skybox. He is assuring that the Rock will not beat Punk at the Royal Rumble this Sunday. The Rock’s music hits and he has a ticket in hand. Rock tells ‘Twinkie Tits’ to get the hell out of the ring before he slaps him. He turns his attention to the current champion and lights into him verbally. The Rock is guaranteeing that he will be champion come Sunday. The lights go out and when they come back on the Shield is attacking the Rock. He mounts an offense but alas the numbers game is not in his favor. He’s bleeding and now I am pissed because this shit with Punk has gone on long enough. Back from commercial and Michael Cole recaps the Shield’s attack on the Rock.

Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett—This is the final match in the Beat the Clock challenge. Sheamus and Barrett are brawling while Ziggler, AJ and Big E watch from backstage. The Celtic Warrior seems off of his game tonight.  Barrett knocks Sheamus out of the ring before going to commercial. Barrett was dominating Sheamus but he quickly gains momentum.  He goes for White Noise but Barrett fights his way out of it. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick but AJ gets in the ring. Barrett hits Winds of Change and Sheamus kicks out. Seriously Dolph if you cannot win on your own then find a new job. The buzzer sounds and Ziggler wins the Beat the Clock challenge.

Vickie Guerrero is in the back while Dolph Ziggler, AJ, and Big E gloat over his victory. She tells Dolph that the number he gets to choose between his number 1 or number 2 for his entry in the Royal Rumble. Punk and Heyman are walking when they run into Vince McMahon. Vince tells them to expect consequences if the Shield interferes in the match between Rock and CM Punk.

ADR vs. Tensai—Tensai seems angry. Could that be you haven’t gotten a push? Tensai nearly squashed Del Rio with jumping on him. Somehow Del Rio got the win. Sorry I wasn’t paying attention to this match. He tells Big Show that he will be counting Sunday in Spanish.

The second inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is Bob Backlund. He truly deserves this honor.

John Cena comes out to address the Royal Rumble PPV. He isn’t two minutes into this rant and I already want to punch him in the throat. I cannot believe how perverted his speech is, references to Brett Farve’s naked pictures was gross. He declares that he will win the Royal Rumble on Sunday. Here comes Sheamus to declare he will win but he is interrupted by the Prime Time Players. They are interrupted by Randy Orton who is interrupted by the Miz. I cannot control my inner fan girl. The Miz declares that he will be the winner but here comes Team Hell No. While they are debating heatedly here comes Cesaro to declare his victory and here comes 3MB. A brawl has broken out, holy shit where did they all come from? This is how they end the show with a free for all brawl.

In conclusion the show was alright I give it a B+. Matches of the night go to Randy Orton and the Miz.  Honestly there was too much talking and not enough fighting tonight. If Cena does win the Royal Rumble be prepared to hear me ranting. Let someone else shine especially ones that incorporate new moves into their move set. Sorry Cena but 2013 will not be your year. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at  10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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