Riley’s Corner: WWE RAW Review for 01-14-13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to a special edition of Riley’s Corner. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am going all out for the 20th anniversary for Raw. Tonight we are live from Houston, Texas where rumors are abound about who will be here tonight. All I can say is I’m choosing not to believe the hype as I don’t want to get my heart broken. Before I forget to mention it Happy 20th Anniversary RAW, may your product improve always. To open the show we are treated to a montage of past RAW openings and theme songs.

Vince McMahon is in the ring to open the show.   He announces that John Cena will face Dolph Ziggler in a steel cage match. As he is talking here comes the whiney Big Show to bitch and moan about losing his title to Alberto Del Rio.  Show tells him the celebration will have to wait until his situation can be addressed. Vince not so gently chastises him for being rude and interrupting him. You lost so man the fuck up and stop crying about it.  Big Show says that Mr. McMahon should strip the inferior ADR of the title. ADR comes out to defend himself. He tells Show instead of complaining about it to take action. He is offering Show a rematch but Show says no. Show whines that he isn’t prepared to fight tonight. He says that he will fight the current champ when he is ready and suggests the Royal Rumble. Ricardo has a bucket of confetti that he throws on Show.  Del Rio delivers a nice Hurricanranna to Show with the assistance of his personal ring announcer.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton—This is the first match of the night. At least with these two we will have a decent match. Nice Lou Thez press by Orton to Barrett.  The IC champ takes the fight to outside the ring. Orton is dominating the English Brawlers ass. They get back into the ring and Orton throws Barrett outside the ring once more. Back from commercials and Barrett is in control of his opponent.  Nice powerslam and back breaker by Orton. DDT from the second rope and Barrett gets face planted. Barrett counters the RKO. Barrett wins with the Bull Hammer.

Eve is shown backstage with Booker T. He announces that if she tries to get counted out they will strip her of the title and hand it to Kaitlyn.  She tries to seduce him but he laughs in her face. Teddy Long gets slapped for laughing at her.

Kane and Daniel Bryan are shown for their followup appointment with Dr. Shelby.  He asks who wants a group hug and gives them one. We learn that Kane is a good dancer when the good doctor asks DB whats a great thing about Kane. Kane says that DB is agile in the ring, has a great beard and isn’t afraid to wear women’s clothing.  Sandow and Rhodes show up to help with their therapy. Team Rhodes Scholars end up harassing Dr. Shelby. The lovable doctor snaps on Team Rhodes Scholars and Kane and DB defend him.

Damien Sandow vs. Kane—Both men are accompanied to the ring by their respective tag team partners.  Kane takes it to Sandow. Quick pin attempt by Kane but Sandow kicks out. Sandow turns it around to where the momentum is in his favor. Kane chokeslams Sandow and gets the win.

The first inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame 2013 will be introduced next. It’s Mick Foley. Congratulations Mr. Hardcore Legend, you truly deserve this honor.  Here comes the Shield to manhandle Foley. Ryback comes down and clears the ring. The Shield plays the numbers game but Orton and Sheamus come down to even the odds.

Eve vs. Kaitlyn—This match is for the Diva’s title. If Eve gets counted out she will be stripped of the title. Eve looks a little nervous. There goes Eve back out of the ring. Stop being a wimp and fight. Eve goes for the pin attempt but Kaitlyn kicks out. Nice move by Kaitlyn. I mean no disrespect to Kaitlyn but please do something different with your hair. Eve botched that move. The fight is now ringside and Kaitlyn gets in the ring without Eve noticing her. Kaitlyn wins with a spear. She did the Spear better than Goldberg.

Josh Matthews interviewing Brodus Clay. Matthews shows a clip of the shoot interview that Punk did last week. Clay gives a sweet and short segment.

Brodus Clay vs. CM Punk—Clay is using his anger wisely. Heyman is ringside holding up the belt to remind us that Punk is the champion. Holy catnip Brodus Clay is throwing Punk around like a ragdoll. Punk has the Anaconda Vise locked in and Clay taps. Not one of the best matches from either man. Punk cuts another promo on the Rock.

Mick Foley is shown backstage on the phone when the Rock interrupts him. The Rock and Sock Connection reunited for one night. They do the catch phrases together and I have chills. This is how magic is done. Vickie G. interrupts them and tells them she cannot her herself think over the racket they are making. Dear wrestling gods please let Rock put her in her place. I am disappointed that he didn’t verbally berate her.

Sheamus vs. 3MB—This is an Over the Top Rope challenge.  No pinfalls or submissions just tossed over the top rope and both feet have to hit the floor. This match isn’t fair to Sheamus as he really doesn’t have opponents.  The boy banders are using the numbers to their advantage but Sheamus proves that he is still in the fight. He tosses Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre over the top ropes.  Sheamus almost eliminated himself with that missed Brogue Kick. What the fucking hell? Slater wins. Oh that was bullshit. They are celebrating their win but Sheamus Brogue Kicks them. I wish he would Brogue kick them out of the WWE.

Josh Matthews is shown backstage with John Cena. It’s gotten to the point where I automatically tune out Cena.

The Miz is out to host Miz TV. His special guest is Ric Flair. Yes I marked out so bad I almost fell out of the chair. If you cannot laugh at yourself then you should remove the stick out of your ass and have fun.  Miz asks Flair what his favorite moment of RAW is. He says it was the night after he retired. Ric Flair can still cut a promo. I could hear him and the Miz say really all night. They show a video montage of all the popular catchphrases from the past 20 years.  Really Antonio Cesaro? Really? Oh hell no you don’t interrupt Ric Flair. I hope Flair knocks that egotistical bitch out.  Flair grabs Cesaro and delivers chops to him. Miz delivers the SCF and locks in the Figure Four. Holy shit that was amazing as hell. Way to pass the torch Flair.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes—Once again both men are accompanied to the ring by their tag partners. This was a quick match. Daniel Bryan locked on the No Lock and Rhodes tapped out.

Eve is shown backstage yelling to Matt Striker. She quits after claiming she doesn’t need the WWE. Good luck Eve.

AJ is shown with Big E Langston talking about her favorite moment of the past 20 years. They show clips of past RAW weddings. My favorite was Stephanie and Triple H. Sorry to the Edge and Lita fans. Big E interrupts to share his favorite which is AJ/Daniel Bryan’s wedding. Here comes AJ’s one millionth psychotic break as she blames John Cena for everything that she has went thru. Dolph Ziggler comes out to console her.

JIM ROSS is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! FUCK YES!!!  He is going to call the match between Ziggler and Cena. JR is the best fucking announcer ever and if you aren’t down with that shut up.

Cena vs. Ziggler—Ziggler is accompanied  to the ring by AJ and Big E. I don’t give a damn about this match but JR is calling it. He is the true voice of the WWE. Ziggler keeps trying to end the match early by climbing the cage and or going out the door. Cena blocks his early attempts. Ziggler delivers a sweet  drop kick to Cena. Ziggler makes a quick climb but Cena stops him once more. Cena is going to try to escape but Ziggler chases him. They are on the top rope and trading blows before Cena falls to the mat.  Back from commercial and both men are straddling the top of the cage.  Cena is hanging on while Ziggler slaps at his hands. Holy shit a standing dropkick while on the top rope. Okay Ziggler that was impressive. Shit Cena is mounting a comeback with a scoop slam. He is signaling for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle and Ziggler goes to the top and gets pulled back down by his trunks.  Ziggler goes to the door and is getting pulled back in by Cena while Big E is trying to pull him out. Big E loses the tug of war and Cena goes for the STF but Ziggler counters with the sleeper. Cena is climbing the cage with Ziggler on his back and both men fall to the mat. Cena is in position to run out the door as Big E positions himself to slam the door on Cena. Ziggler goes for the pin but Cena kicks out. Cena goes to the top and kicks the door shut on Ziggler. Big E grabs a chair and is slamming it near Cena’s legs. Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and once again Superman Cena kicks out. Ziggler delivers a brutal DDT from the ropes and once again Cena kicks out. AJ is throwing a temper tantrum and tries to climb into the cage. Big E Langston gets knocked out with the briefcase and Cena wins. This match deserves Match of the Night. Without JR calling it, I don’t think it would have been as magical.

The Rock concert is up and the crowd is on fire for him. He makes fun of his past looks. He sings his version of Heart Break Hotel.  He goes after Paul Heyman in a visceral way. YES a penis reference by the Rock. The Rock introduces Dusty Hill from ZZ Top. He says that his favorite curve on a woman is her smile. He calls for Vickie Guerrero to come out. This is going to get ugly. She comes out reluctantly. He is singing ‘Wonderful Tonight’ by Eric Clapton and tailors it to Vickie.  He changes it No BIOTCH you look horrible tonight. I am in tears from laughing so hard.  He owned her ass during this spoof tonight. He has the audience croon to her as well before she leaves. He calls out CM Punk and here comes Cookie Puss with Heyman.  OMG he just said that Heyman has Twinkie Tits. Only the Rock can turn food into insults. Give him hell Rock.  Punk runs down the ring and we are getting a brawl as the officials try to break them apart.  The show ends with both men staring each other down as they are separated.

All in all I thought RAW was decent. I was disappointed that some of the rumors I heard weren’t true but it is what it is. The match of the night goes to Ziggler and Cena. I was hoping the outcome would have been different but what can you do. As for Eve quitting or leaving, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.  What really made RAW special for me was the interactions between the Miz and Ric Flair. Words cannot describe how awesome that segment was. JR calling a match was extra awesome as well. No one can call a match like he can. A tip of the hat to you JR for making the matches believable, much respect to a man who gets verbally and sometimes physically assaulted but still does the job. The Rock concert was epic, I know have new insults in my arsenal and I cannot wait to the next family function to use them.  I know a lot of you all were disappointed with the show but I actually enjoyed it. I give it an A. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at  10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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