Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw for 1/7/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner.  Tonight is the first RAW of 2013 and quite frankly I am most excited about this but that’s because FINALLY the Rock is back on RAW. With WrestleMania season upon us I am looking forward to seeing what the WWE will deliver to the WWE Universe. So kick back and relax while reading my snarky comments. We have learned the CM Punk was cleared to wrestle Ryback in a TLC title match tonight.

John Cena is in the ring and we have the first recap of the show. Of course they would show John Cena besting AJ and Dolph Ziggler. He keeps referring to the Rock and the road to WrestleMania. When he starts talking about the Royal Rumble out comes Dolph Ziggler and he is accompanied by AJ and Big E Langston. Thank you Dolph for getting your hair touched up. AJ insults John and he turns it back around on her. After much sophomoric zingers, Ziggler said he is going to enter the Royal Rumble.  He challenges Ziggler to fight him now but Ziggler refuses. Big E goes on the microphone and says it’s on. This does not go over well with AJ and Ziggler as they try to protest.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena—Match starts in typical Cena fashion where he starts off dominating his opponent. Ziggler turns it around and is pummeling Cena. Is it necessary for Ziggler to do sit ups during a match? Nice vertical suplex from Cena but Ziggler delivers a kick to his midsection. Langston hits Cena when the referee was distracted. AJ hit Cena which caused her and Big E to get ejected from ringside.  Ziggler hits him with the Zig Zag and Cena powered out of the pin. Ziggler planted Cena with that DDT. This is one hell of a match. The referee is out of the match as he got knocked out of the ring when Cena flung Ziggler into the ropes. Cena goes for the STF and has it locked in but Big E comes down and attacks Cena. He sets it up for Ziggler to win but when the other official came down, Cena kicked out. Cena wins with the AA.

Eve vs. Kaitlyn—This divas match is for the championship. Eve is going after Kaitlyn’s left leg. The ref stops the match so Kaitlyn can tie her boots. Eve takes advantage of this and kicks Kaitlyn in the head. Nice scoop slam by Kaitlyn. For fucks sake Eve fight like a damn woman instead of grabbing the title and running like a chicken. You are a disgrace to the divas division. Kaitlyn wins by countout.

Santino Marella is shown talking to Ricky the Dragon Steamboat. They are interrupted by Wade Barrett. I like you Wade but treat Steamboat with respect or else. The Dragon will be in Santino’s corner. Matt Striker is shown talking to Randy Orton. Orton gently reminds him that he is a former RR winner. This segment was fine until 3MB interrupt. Heath Slater says that 3MB has entered the Royal Rumble  and declared that they will be headlining WM. I don’t think so bitch so sit down and shut up. Randy Orton asks which one will he be facing and Slater tells him to take his pick. Orton chooses Slater and tells him once they are done Slater will be playing the harp instead of the air guitar.

Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars—Kane and Rhodes start the bout off. Damien Sandow quickly gets the tag in but to no avail as Kane is owning his ass. Daniel Bryan gets the tag in as does Rhodes. Both teams work well together and always put on a decent match. Team Rhodes Scholars win.

Randy Orton vs. Heath Slater—Seriously Orton needs real opponents not jokes like Slater. Slater couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag without the assistance of the other two. Fight on your own or get the fuck out of the WWE.  Orton got attacked by Slater’s two henchmen and Orton comes back to dominate.  Finally the Viper DDT’s from the second rope. PUNT THE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!! Fine RKO him then and win. Orton gets the win. Of course Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre would have to attack him but Orton RKO’s them.

Wade Barrett vs. Santino Marella—Santino is accompanied to the ring by Ricky the Dragon Steamboat. Santino started off okay but Barrett dominates. Santino kicks Barrett and goes for the pin but Barrett kicks out. Santino breaks out the Cobra and Barrett leaves the ring. He uses the rope to take down Marella. Hits Marella with the Bull Hammer for the win. Wade acts like he is going to attack the Legend but when Steamboat sheds his jacket Barrett runs like a scalded cat.

Sheamus is being interviewed by Matt Striker. Sheamus says that he will win the Royal Rumble but will not be able to win in 18 seconds. 3MB comes up to break up the interview and Sheamus is cracking jokes about their lack of musical talent. He challenges them to a fight.

Cesaro vs. The Great Khali—Miz is on commentary which is the only thing saving me from changing the channel.  This match sucks donkey balls and I am not afraid to say it. The Great Khali is accompanied to the ring by Natalya and Hornswoggle. Cesaro hits the Neutralizer for the win. Oh yay!!!

Brad Maddox interrupts Paul Heyman while he is on the phone.  Oh hell no I know Brad Maddox did not just yell at Heyman. He goes on to say that he can be helpful to Punk and Heyman. He implies that he could be the referee during the Punk/Ryback match. Good for Heyman for putting that idiot in his place.

Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal—Sheamus is clearly dominating Jinder Mahal. Once he gets knocked out of the ring all three men attack him. Drew is playing the part as Mahal’s wrestling coach or is that a cheerleader? Sheamus quickly reverses Mahal’s luck and takes on all three men. Sheamus hits the White Noise and Brogue Kick on his hapless opponent and scores the win.

CM Punk vs. Ryback—That was a brutal slam Punk received onto the ladders. To the crowd stop it with the Goldberg chants. That shit is old and not funny anymore. The fight has now been taken to outside the ring. Heyman is trying to coach Punk back into the fight. Nice back body drop by Ryback and I think Punk might reinjure his knee.  Both men are on the ladder Punk is down. Punk pushes the ladder and then gets slammed into it for his actions.  Ryback has the belt at his fingertips and the lights dim. When they are fixed the Shield attack him. Ryback takes them out and goes up the ladder again. Here comes the Shield with chairs. You cannot say that the Shield isn’t working for Punk now because that shit is so obvious.  Punk wins.

Punk and Heyman are in the lockerroom when Striker comes in there to interview him. Punk says he is going out to the ring and drop another pipebomb. Kane is checking on DB and they are blaming each other for their loss against Rhodes Scholars. Vickie comes in there and tells them Dr. Shelby will be back next week to evaluate them.

Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show—Back from commercial and the match is over already. Kofi got knocked the fuck out over the referee’s shoulder.  Bathroom breaks last longer than that match.  Big Show wins.

CM Punk is out to deliver his pipe bomb to the WWE Universe.  Sometimes Punk the WWE Universe wants a Super Villain and not a superhero. He is speaking the truth. He is interrupted by a production assistant and telling Punk to wrap it up but Punk says hell no. And they cut him off to go to commercial.  During his tirade the ROCK comes out. Fuck yeah shit about to go down. The crowd is hot for the Rock. Hey no notes on the wrist so suck on that Rock haters. He calls Punk delusional and says that Punk is worried about their match in 20 days. He tells Punk to never say that the people don’t matter because Punk doesn’t matter. The verbal sparring between these two if fucking electrifying and calling Punk Cookie Puss was hilarious as hell. He also called Punk Punkeye the Crackhead Sailior Man. Sorry Punk fans but the Rock wins this promo war. Rock ends it when he Rock Bottoms the champ.

In closing I thought the show was decent. The confrontation at the end of the show was worth the wait. The match between Ziggler and Cena was decent and I did love the Orton/Slater match but come on WWE utilize your time and talent more. I give the first RAW of 2013 a B+.  Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live.  We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10 pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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