Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 12-17-12


Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I give my unsolicited opinion on each segment of Raw. I will cover backstage skits, promos and matches. No one is safe from my snarky comments. Tonight’s show is coming at you from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. On commentary tonight we have Michael Cole and Jerry ‘the King’ Lawler and JBL. Hopefully AJ will tell us why she turned on John Cena at the TLC PPV. Also tonight is the Slammy Awards.

Opening up the show is a recap of the past Slammy Awards and a brief recap of the PPV last night. If you watched it last night; what was your favorite match from TLC?

Rey Mysterio vs. Damien Sandow—their respective tag partners are ringside to watch. Sandow hits the Elbow of Disdain early on in the match. Mysterio is getting in some good offense as he picks up the pace of the match. Mysterio sets Sandow up for the 619 and follows with a splash from the top rope. Mysterio wins.

Booker T comes out to announce the winner of the first Slammy of tonight. After Booker T announces the nominees, here comes the Boogeyman.  Most shocking moment of the year goes to Kofi Kingston. How presumptious of Brad Maddox to think he was going to win. No one gives a flying fuck about you boo. So step back and let the real wrestlers do their thing.

Kaitlyn vs. Eve—This match is brutal. Eve’s kick to Kaitlyn’s chest looked rough as hell. Kaitlyn gets the win. Seriously could we have real diva matches?

Comeback of the Year Slammy award is presented by the New Age Outlaws. Excuse me while I mark the hell out. The award goes to Jerry The King Lawler. I swear if someone interrupts him I will throw a damn shoe at the TV.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai—This match was way too short. Kofi wins with Trouble in Paradise. Here comes Wade Barrett to beat the hell out of Kofi.

Vickie Guerrero is out to announce the Kiss of the Year Slammy. AJ and John Cena win this award. Here comes Skippy Girl to collect the award. Vickie tells AJ that she needs to explain her actions last night.  Before the altercation gets heated here comes Dolph Zigler to break it up. AJ jumps into Dolph’s arms and passionately kisses him while Vickie watches in horror.

The Great Khali w/Natalya vs. David Otunga—Khali is owning Otunga’s green ass. The chops to Otunga’s chest sound painful. Somehow Otunga turns it around and is delivering girly kicks to Khali. The Great Khali wins.

Superstar of the Year award is presented by Ric Flair. Oh yea the award goes to John Cena. Words cannot express how disappointed I am that he got this. He then gives his award to Ric Flair. Here comes CM Punk to interrupt. Flair is the man when it comes to insulting people. Punk keeps saying he could beat Flair with one leg.  Flair takes off his jacket and struts to the ring.

Ric Flair vs. CM Punk—Punk uses the crutch as a weapon and hits Flair with it. Flair gives Punk a thumb to the eye and locks the Figure Four on Heyman.  Tap and scream all you want Heyman but you just got owned. He goes on to make a speech but the Shield’s music hits and they make their way to the ring from the crowd. Yes I know it wasn’t technically a real match but still it made my night complete. Team Hell No came down to help Flair. Dean Ambrose took out Flair so he can help Rollins take out Daniel Bryan. Reigns is telling the announcers to move out of the way as Rollins and Ambrose beat the stuffing out of Flair. Just as they are about to put him thru the announcers table here comes Ryback. He takes out Ambrose and Rollins and throws down Reigns. Shit just got real as he drops Rollins on the announcers table. Ric Flair is shown backstage with Team Hell No and it’s a screaming match between the three as Ron Simmons yells DAMN.

Brodus Clay vs. JTG—JTG has control over Brodus during the first part of the match however that didn’t last long as Brodus squashed him.

Santino Marella and Tensai to present LOL moment of the year—He has an ice pack strapped to his head. Poor Santino cannot control the giggles. Santino had the line of the night with Tensai translates to Fat Albert. The winner is the Rock. Santino accepts on his behalf as the Rock isn’t there tonight. Daniel Bryan comes out with Kane to protest. Kane picks him up and carries him out.

Sin Cara vs. Cody Rhodes—Really surprised to see Sin Cara compete tonight as he took a nasty bump last night. Their respective partners are out at ringside to make sure that everything is above board. Cody Rhodes pretty much dominated Sin Cara as he gets the win.

Zack Ryder and Layla present the Slammy for Hashtag of the Year. And the slammy goes to Ryback for Feed Me More. I was kind of hoping that Johnny Ace would have won.

Big Show makes his way down to the ring with the largest steel chair ever. He is limping like crazy from his match with Sheamus last night. Show is ripping into the crowd as they chant ‘boring’ at him. Sheamus comes out to interrupt. Sheamus extends his hand to Big Show.  Big Show insults him before he could leave the ring and Sheamus tackles him to the mat. Sheamus has the huge chair and is slamming it repeatedly into Show. He then follows it up with a Brogue Kick which knocks the Big Show out.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Big Show—Here comes Ziggler to cash in but Cena comes out to interrupt. What the fuck Cena? Are you that much of a bitter ass betty that you cannot let someone else go for the title? Sit your ass down and shut up.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler are having a heated confrontation about last night and the kiss. Vickie gives him another match against Cena. She is going to be Cena’s partner.

3MB vs. ADR, Miz, Tommy Dreamer—Holy catnip Tommy Dreamer!!!!!!  Heath Slater needs to take his ass back to wrestling school.  All six men are in the ring brawling. Hells yeah this is it WWE. Keep making Raw and Smackdown like this and you will have ratings gold. When Mike got knocked out of the ring, Jinder Mahal attacks when the referee wasn’t looking.  Miz is getting his ass handed to him by the 3MB. They are keeping him from getting a tag in and I am starting to get pissed off with this match. Finally Del Rio gets into the match and kicks one of the idiots in the head. Tommy Dreamer gets the win.

Sheamus announces the Slammy Winner for Newcomer of the Year. This award goes to Ryback.

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro—Cesaro is whining that he didn’t win Newcomer of the Year. Cesaro started off strong but Ryback got the upper hand. Ryback counters the Neutralizer by flipping Cesaro like he was a jellybean.  Cesaro gets out of the ring and grabs his title to leave but Ryback, being a gentleman helps him into the ring. Cesaro hightails it out of there and Ryback wins via countout.

Mean Gene Okerlund, Ricky Steamboat Dragon, And Jim Ross are out to present the final Slammy of the Night. Match of the year goes to Undertaker and  Triple H. Hellz yeah!!!!! I am crying with happiness right now. He says that we haven’t seen the last of the Undertaker. I am fangirling like crazy.

The Shield is shown backstage attacking Tommy Dreamer. MY GOD they are destroying him. Ricardo Rodriguez tries to stop them but they threw him into a wall. This is bullshit, you fuckers started off okay but now y’all are just pissing me off.

AJ and Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena/Vickie Guerrero—AJ is on top of the ladder with microphone in hand. Its obvious to us that you are a crazy, psychotic troll. Vickie comes out to interrupt her. Here come the men and the glare AJ is giving Cena. Girl, your crazy is starting to show. Keep it in check. Ziggler and Cena lock up to start off the match. AJ tags in and Vickie takes her down. AJ leaves the ring and Vickie quickly follows suit. After trading punches Cena has the STF lockd in.  One of the NXT guys Big E Langston comes out with AJ and takes out Cena. The show ends with AJ skipping around a laid out Cena while Big E Langston stands there.

In closing tonight was one of the best ever Raw shows in a while. I am still left with more questions than answers and I can deal with that. The surprise returns of Ric Flair, Tommy Dreamer, and the NAO made me extremely happy. Tonight RAW gets an A++ for the surprise returns, action packed show. I wasn’t happy that the Shield attacked Tommy Dreamer and tried to go after Ric Flair but whatever. Have a good night and a better tomorrow.

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