John Mayer: I Like It RAW For 6/11/12

Welcome to a special 3 hour edition of I Like It RAW. On this show we will see the return of Mr. McMahon will give John Laurinaitis a job evaluation in which hopefully he see the end of Big Johnny. Also earlier in the day we learned that Alberto Del Rio has a concussion and is out for this Sunday’s No Way Out pay per view. So tonight on RAW there will be a battle royal to find a new number 1 contender to Sheamus. Who will be the number 1 contender? Will Big Johnny be fired? Let’s all find out together.

 

We start off the show with John Laurinaitis in that damn People Power scooter. Before he can say word 1 we hear “No Chance In Hell” and out comes the boss Mr. McMahon to a standing ovation. Big Johnny extends his hands but Vince declines saying this is all business. McMahon asks Laurinaitis to give him 1 reason why he shouldn’t be fired and Laurinaitis says People Power which made me throw up a little in my mouth. The crowd is chanting “Fire Johnny” quite loudly. Vince reminds Big Johnny that he brought Brock Lesnar back and has 2 lawsuits against the WWE now. Vince also says signing The Big Show was a bad idea as he has not performed since 1999. Laurinaitis starts to babble when Sheamus comes out. Sheamus says Laurinaitis is a friend who will fine you half a million dollars and holds a grudge over people. Sheamus also says that Laurinaitis is the worst GM of all time and needs to be fired. Laurinaitis goes to find Sheamus an opponent when McMahon tells him that all his matches better be good otherwise he will be fired. Laurinaitis goes to the back and McMahon takes the People Power scooter and throws it off the stage.

 

Back from commercial with Sheamus is in the ring waiting on an opponent Big Johnny comes out and says his opponent will be Tensai.

 

MATCH 1: SHEAMUS VS TENSAI

 

Last week saw Tensai’s undefeated streak came to an end at the hands of John Cena. These 2 spend the first couple of minutes battling back and forth before Tensai throws Sheamus to the floor before the break. Back from break and Tensai is in control until Sheamus saves himself from going to the floor and hitting Tensai with the fists to the chest. Tensai counters a top rope move into a choke-bomb for a 2. But out of nowhere Sheamus hits the Brouge Kick for the 3 count.

 

WINNER: SHEAMUS

GRADE: B+

 

Backstage Vince,Big Johnny,and Teddy Long are backstage when McMahon gives Johnny strike 1 and asks him what he is going to do now that Del Rio is out for Sunday. They are interrupted by Vicki Guerrero and she says a Triple Threat match with Sheamus,Dolph Ziggler,and Jack Swagger would be a good idea. Johnny asks Teddy what his thoughts are and Teddy says a Fatal 4 Way with Swagger,Christian,Ziggler,and the Great Khali as they are the 4 former World Champions on the roster. Johnny tells Teddy to go get coffee and Johnny attempts to give McMahon a fist pump when McMahon says that Johnny has small hands.

 

Back in the ring Tensai is beating the shit out of Sakimoto for who knows what reason. I do not understand the reason behind this unless they are going to re-package Tensai.

 

Backstage Matt Striker is interviewing R-Truth and his invisible friend Little Jimmy. Truth was starting to talk about how John Cena is going to beat The Big Show on Sunday when Big Show just knocks Truth out. Again I do not see the point behind this.

 

Out comes Santino Marella with that stupid power walk. It looks like there is going to be Divas on this week as this is going to be a mixed tag team match. Santino’s partner is the Divas champion Layla. They will take on the team of Beth Phoenix and Ricardo Rodriguez.

 

MATCH 2: SANTINO MARELLA & LAYLA VS BETH PHOENIX & RICARDO RODRIGUEZ

 

The Divas start out the match. Ricardo tries to help but it proves to not help. He goes outside the ring and Santino goes for the Cobra but Ricardo goes right into the ringpost. In the ring Beth hits the Glam Slam on Layla for the win. After the match Santino rips Ricardo’s shirt off to reveal a Justin Beiber shirt.

 

WINNERS: BETH PHOENIX & RICARDO RODRIGUEZ

GRADE: D

 

In the back David Otunga does his best to kiss Mr. McMahon’s ass when Kofi Kingston comes in and wants The Big Show tonight. Laurinaitis comes in and agrees to the match in a steel cage.

 

Out comes my favorite vegan Daniel Bryan. He says he is not like his two opponents this Sunday in Kane and CM Punk. He says the world’s worst line ever “Once you go Bryan there’s no point in tryin.” Thankfully CM Punk comes down to save us. Punk says AJ is crazy and he digs crazy chicks but he digs his WWE Title more. Bryan says that he once respected Punk but he then calls Punk a sellout. Punk then brings up his promo from a year ago which he said earned a lot of people’s respect. He calls Daniel Bryan goatface and says on Sunday he is going to put Bryan to sleep which brings Kane out. Kane reminds us of all the things he has done and says his pipe bombs are actual pipe bombs and he will leave WWE Champion which now brings out the crazy AJ. AJ says that she looked into Kane’s eyes and saw that underneath it all he has a heart. She tells Daniel that she is not over her first love and calls Punk the coolest guy ever. Daniel asks what the point to AJ and AJ says she knows the best man will win. Big Johnny comes on the Titan Tron and tells everyone that tonight there will be a tag match. Daniel Bryan and Kane against CM Punk and AJ.

 

Up next is the Fatal 4 Way elimination match to fill the vacant #1 contendership to the World Heavyweight Title with Christian,The Great Khali,Jack Swagger,and Dolph Ziggler.

 

MATCH 3: CHRISTIAN VS THE GREAT KHALI VS DOLPH ZIGGLER VS JACK SWAGGER

 

Christian is currently scheduled to face Cody Rhodes at No Way Out however if he wins this match that match will happen at a later date. All 4 men will be in the ring at the same time. Khali is in control at the beginning of the match but is eliminated when Ziggler takes Khali down and Christian hits a splash from the top rope and Ziggler gets the pin. Back from break and Swagger and Ziggler double team Christian. Christian gets Ziggler out the ring and starts to work on Swagger. Christian hits the Killswitch on Swagger but Ziggler pins Swagger. Christian hits a big spear on Ziggler for a 2 count. Christian misses a move from the top rope but lands on his feet but on the bad ankle and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the 3 count.

 

WINNER AND NEW #1 CONTENDER: DOLPH ZIGGLER

GRADE: A-

 

Backstage we see Vince McMahon talking to Natalya when Cameron and Naomi come up to him wanting the Brodus Clay ban over-turned. Vince says no but then he dances with them I have no idea why. After we see Zack Ryder stunned as Vince goes “Woo Woo Woo You Know It!”

Out comes Ryback. I was hoping he would have faced real competition but no we get two scrubs.

 

MATCH 4: RYBACK VS TWO DEAD PRESIDENTS

 

I’m going to make a sandwich I’ll be back when Ryback wins

 

WINNER: RYBACK

GRADE: F-

 

The steel cage lowers as after the break we will see Kofi Kingston take on The Big Show inside the cage.

 

Once again backstage Vince McMahon is backstage with Hornswoggle when John Cena comes in and gives his 2 cents on Laurinaitis. From there Otunga comes back in kissing more ass when Vince tells him that noone likes a person who will kiss another man’s ass. From there we pan over to William Regal who was the first member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club.

 

MATCH 5: KOFI KINGSTON VS THE BIG SHOW IN A STEEL CAGE

 

Kofi goes right at The Big Show but Show just basically shrugs him off and starts to man-handle Kofi. Kofi actually hits Trouble In Paradise but Show basically launches Kofi off of him. Kofi tries Trouble In Paradise again but gets caught and knocked out. Show takes his time leaving the cage.

 

WINNER: THE BIG SHOW

GRADE: D

 

MATCH 6: CURT HAWKINS VS SIN CARA

 

Sin Cara has been undefeated since returning from injury. The thing I like is he has not had a major botch like he used to. Cara uses the whole ring to his advantage and tonight was no different. He finishes off Hawkins with La Mistica for the win.

 

WINNER: SIN CARA

GRADE: C-

 

Backstage Daniel Bryan is stretching when Mr. McMahon comes by and wishes him good luck. Daniel reminds McMahon that he has been fired before and still proved people wrong. McMahon tells Bryan that he has never finished anything in 18 seconds which was the time Bryan lost his World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlemania.

 

In honor of the 1000th RAW coming up John Laurinaitis has invited a main eventer from a previous RAW to wrestle tonight and wrestle. That person is Vader.

 

MATCH 7: VADER VS HEATH SLATER

 

It was less then 2 weeks ago that I saw Vader wrestle 2 Cold Scorpio at an indy show. Now he gets to beat the shit out the Wendy’s chick. The crowd was into Vader big time just like we were in Rahway. Vader was in control of the whole match and finished the match with a Vader Bomb.

 

WINNER: VADER

GRADE: C

 

Backstage Punk and AJ get ready 4 there match when Punk tells AJ to stay on the apron and not do anything crazy. AJ actually kisses Punk on the cheek and Punk is just dumbfounded.

 

MAIN EVENT: KANE & DANIEL BRYAN VS C.M. PUNK & AJ

 

This is basically a handicapped match. Punk and AJ won after Punk pinned Bryan following a Flying Elbow but the big part of the match was when AJ and Kane had a nice long liplock right in the center of the ring which had me royally jealous and Kane tagging out right away. AJ is playing the role of psycho chick well.

 

WINNERS: C.M. PUNK & AJ

GRADE: C

 

Vince McMahon comes out with some security following him. McMahon calls out Laurinaitis out to the ring. Big Johnny tells McMahon that he did not appreciate what he did to his scooter. Laurinaitis tells Vince he should not fire him and just as McMahon was about to fire Laurinaitis Big Show comes out. Show says that he has an iron clad contract which gives him power to say or do whatever he wants. Show reminds McMahon of all the bad things he had Show do and with his new contract he can be the giant he is. Show tells McMahon he should be more worried about John Cena because at No Way Out Cena is going to get his feathers plucked which in turn brings Cena out. Cena reminds Show that he has always been a giant but now everything revolves around him. Cena tells Show that if he does not win he will be the World’s Largest Disappointment. Vince McMahon will be at ringside this Sunday and if Show loses Laurinaitis is fired. A melee starts and Show knocks out Vince McMahon to end the show.

 

This weeks RAW was interesting. In grading this show I need to think there were acouple good matches. Then there were some really bad matches. But I am going to weigh the good higher then the bad and give RAW a 7 out of 10. No Way Out should be interesting to say the least. Well until next week everyone.

 

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About John Mayer

31 year old wrestling fan and writer
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