John Mayer: I Like It RAW for 5/28/12

Welcome to this weeks edition of I Like It RAW. Last week we saw John Cena get knocked out by The Big Show for the second night in a row. It was also announced that Cena and Show will face off at No Way Out. What will Cena do as a response to getting knocked out? Will any other matches get announced for the June PPV? Let’s all find out together.

 

This edition of RAW is dedicated to the men and women of the Armed Services. Thank you to all the troops for making it so I could enjoy my Memorial Day with my family.

 

We start RAW off with highlights from last week’s RAW and Over The Limit which saw John Laurinaitis defeat John Cena with help from The Big Show which was quite predictable. We go to the arena where The Big Show’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. He comes out to the ring smiling which he said is his job. He says he is a business man who is also a giant. The crowd starts to chant “WHAT” after everything Show says. Show lets us know he has an iron clad contract with a big bonus which has him set for life and he no longer needs to worry about putting a smile on people’s faces. He brings up that 2 weeks ago after he got fired they almost immediately had Brodus Clay,Kofi Kingston,and R-Truth dancing with kids in the ring. He calls the fans shallow and he says he was most disappointed in John Cena not coming to his aid helping get his job back. Show says at No Way Out he will be leaving with a smile on his face.

 

Up next we will see United States Champion Santino Marella take on Alberto Del Rio. And later we will see an Over The Limit rematch as WWE Champion CM Punk takes on Daniel Bryan.

 

MATCH 1: ALBERTO DEL RIO VS SANTINO MARELLA

 

I remember the 2011 Royal Rumble when these 2 were the final 2 in the ring. This match was extremely short as Del Rio blocked the Cobra and locked on the Cross ArmBreaker for the tapout victory. After the match Ricardo announced Del Rio as the winner multiple times.

 

WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO VIA SUBMISSION

RATING: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

Backstage Alex Riley is either sucking up or flirting with Eve when Big Show comes by. Eve tells Show that he gets to pick his opponent for tonight. Riley does not want Show to pick him and he doesn’t. He does however throw Riley into the wall knocking him down.

 

MATCH 2: FOR THE WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: R-TRUTH & KOFI KINGSTON(c) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER & JACK SWAGGER

 

Vicki said she used her “expert managing skills” to get her team a title shot. The champs start the match off strong knocking both challengers to the outside before we go to break. Back from break and the challengers have the advantage. Kofi gets the tag to Truth and he comes in like a house of fire. The champs retain after Truth hits Swagger with the Little Jimmy for the win.

 

WINNERS: KOFI KINGSTON & R-TRUTH

RATING:PPV WAS BETTER

 

After the match Ziggler says he is better then this and leaves. In the back a trainer is walking with Santino when Big Show starts to assault him when Brodus Clay steps in and tells Show to pick him as his opponent tonight. Show says after tonight Clay will not be able to walk.

 

Here comes Big Johnny with Eve and David Otunga in that stupid People Power scooter. He announces that Big Show will take on Brodus Clay. He also announces that The Big Show will take on John Cena inside a Steel Cage. He also says that after his win over John Cena at Over The Limit he is the most popular superstar of all time and is supposedly on the cover of WWE 13. Out comes the real cover boy of WWE 13 CM Punk. Punk breaks Big Johnny’s heart by showing off the real cover of WWE 13 which is a lot better looking then the 1 with Big Johnny on the cover. Punk tells Johnny and his band of misfit toys to leave the ring as he has to face Daniel Bryan.

 

MATCH 3: C.M. PUNK VS DANIEL BRYAN

 

The match these 2 had at Over The Limit was epic. This match starts off with both men trading holds with no man having a clear advantage. Bryan is going after Punk’s left arm in an attempt to set him up for the YES Lock. Before the break AJ comes out with a CM Punk shirt on. Back from break and Bryan continues to focus on Punk’s left arm. Punk tries and come back but Bryan has his number. Bryan goes to take off the turnbuckle and gets kicked in the head. However when Punk tries to attack Bryan he rams Punk’s head into the exposed turnbuckle for the win.

 

WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN

RATING: INTERESTING,NOT AS GOOD AS THE PPV

 

After the match Kane comes in with a chair and attacks Bryan. AJ slides Punk a chair and he uses that chair to attack Kane before Kane can attack him.

 

MATCH 4: CHRISTIAN VS THE MIZ

 

Cody Rhodes is out on commentary and calls Christian old. Miz starts off fast but Christian starts to come back but he eats a big boot from Miz. Christian hits a back elbow from the second rope then follows that up with the Killswitch then a Frog Splash for the 3 count while Cody watches from the top of the ramp.

 

WINNER: CHRISTIAN

RATING: EH

 

Backstage Big Johnny is disappointed with both David Otunga and Eve. Otunga because he tapped out to Cena last week and Eve because she did not get Sheamus to apologize. So Otunga tells Johnny to put him in a match with Sheamus. Teddy Long brings Eve coffee and she spits it at him saying it was cold. Teddy says of course it’s cold it’s iced coffee.

 

After the break Miz is still in the ring bitching about how he was the one who scored the pin at Wrestlemania which got Laurinaitis his job and wants his iron clad contract and bonus and is not leaving until he gets it which brings out Randy Orton who RKO’s Miz. Backstage Dolph Ziggler tells Vicki Guerrero that he wants to be a singles star which is one of the smartest things he has ever said.

 

They go to pre recorded comments from John Cena about Memorial Day. I will admit I am not a John Cena fan but what he does for the troops is great. Cena is grateful for what the troops do for us and I am as well.

 

MATCH 5: SHEAMUS VS DAVID OTUNGA

 

For some odd reason Otunga had the advantage to start. But once he started his posing Sheamus took over. Sheamus hit Otunga with the White Noise then a Brogue Kick for the quick 3 count. Bet ya Big Johnny is going to be real happy with his legal advisor now.

 

WINNER: SHEAMUS

RATING: HEY OTUNGA HOW DID SHEAMUS’S BOOT TASTE

 

MAIN EVENT: BIG SHOW VS BRODUS CLAY

 

Going into this match Brodus has won 22 straight matches against wrestlers a lot smaller then him. This will by far be his biggest challenge to date. Brodus comes out dancing which is not wise as he should be serious because Big Show is no joke. Big Show comes out and says he is a fan of Brodus Clay yet he is a sellout. He says maybe when the people stop cheering for him he can put makeup on and be Doink. Clay does not like that and wants to fight but Big Show spears him outside the ring. Show destroys Clay and starts 2 take stuff off the announce table when Kofi and Truth come out to help Clay but get knocked down. Show then starts to beat Clay with the side of the announce table then assaults Truth some more. Kofi tries to hit Trouble In Paradise but gets caught and put through the barrier. Truth then gets shoved into the stairs and Clay gets knocked out as Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are in awe of what happened. Big Johnny greets Show at the top of the ramp and raises his hand in the air.

 

WINNER: NO CONTEST

RATING: BRODUS GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT

 

This is the second straight shitty RAW in my opinion. Hell there wasn’t even a Divas match this week and RAW was garbage. I am giving this weeks RAW a 2 out of 10. You may say I’m being over-dramatic but you know what RAW has sucked lately and if it wasn’t for the fact I write about this shit I wouldn’t watch. I guarantee you if next week’s RAW is as bad I will give it a 0. Check out the new facebook page www.facebook.com/themayernation and if you have any questions you would like answered on The Wrestling Debate email them to TheMayerNation@GMail.com. Until next week everyone.

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About John Mayer

31 year old wrestling fan and writer
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