John Mayer: I Like It RAW For 5/21/12

Welcome to another fun filled edition of I Like It RAW. Last night at Over The Limit we saw 2 epic title matches as both Sheamus and C.M. Punk retained in 2 candidates for Match Of The Year. Last night we also saw The Big Show cost John Cena his match against John Laurinitis in a match where the GM’s job was on the line. So as we now begin the road to No Way Out what does Big Johnny have in store for us now? Who will Punk’s next challenger be? There is only 1 way to find out.

They open the show with stills from last night’s match between John Cena and John Laurinitis which saw The Big Show knock out John Cena giving Laurinitis the victory. Now I called it from the start that Laurinitis was going to win some way. I was hoping he would be gone but sadly I am stuck with him.

John Cena comes out and says What The Hell a lot. I think he may cry because John Laurinitis beat him thanks in part to a β€œfired” Big Show. Cena says he is glad what he did to Laurinitis last night but is not happy with Big Show selling out. Out comes Eve looking quite slutty to introduce Big Johnny who comes out in a People Power scooter. All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Laurinitis says he was rushed to the ER last night with a shitload of injuries he suffered last night which is a boatload of crap. He says that inside the ring he is a fierce competitor and outside the ring he is an executive and cannot be touched. He then says that on Saturday he re-hired The Big Show on Saturday which makes me wonder something. There was suppose to be no WWE Superstars or Divas out there to interfere yet Show interfered shouldn’t both be fired? Well Big Show and Cena will face off at No Way Out on June 17th, From there David Otunga comes out and says that Cena will lose to him. Cena tells Otunga to go watch some Law & Order re-reuns but Otunga is gonna face Cena after the 1st break.

MATCH 1: JOHN CENA VS DAVID OTUNGA

I remember when these guys were Tag Team Champions when they were in the Nexus. Otunga plays cat and mouse to start the match and gains the advantage briefly. Cena takes advantage and hits the AA then the STF for the win. But after the match Curt Hawkins,Tyler Reks,Darren Young,and Titus O’Neal all jump Cena when Sheamus comes and saves Cena. Big Johnny makes a match for later with Cena & Sheamus teaming up in a 2 on 3 handicapped lumberjack match against unknown oppoents.

WINNER: JOHN CENA

RATING: NO

Later tonight we will see Randy Orton take on Alberto Del Rio and Daniel Bryan call out C.M. Punk based on what happened last night in there match.

We get Ricardo Rodgruiez out to introduce Alberto Del Rio but Santino Marella’s music hits. Santino says he does not a word Ricardo says. Yea Santino that’s the pot calling the kettle black. Then these 2 morons are rolling there R’s when Santino hits the Cobra on Ricardo. Santino then introduces Del Rio. Before Del Rio comes out they do a announcement for the 1000th episode of RAW. Del Rio finally comes out and is not happy that Santino introduced him but before anything happens Santino leaves. Up next Del Rio takes on Randy Orton

MATCH 2: RANDY ORTON VS ALBERTO DEL RIO

These were the 2 men that were not involved in the decision in the Fatal 4 Way last night. Orton had the advantage early but Del Rio starts to go after Orton’s arm to set up for the Cross Armbreaker. Orton ducks a Del Rio attack through the ropes and starts to take advantage. Orton set up for the RKO when Chris Jericho came out and hit a CodeBreaker on Orton for the DQ. After the match Jericho gets on the mic and says that he is the best in the world at everything he does then drops Orton with a second and third Codebreaker leaving The Viper out cold.

WINNER: RANDY ORTON BY DQ

RATING: WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR JERICHO

Daniel Bryan comes out to talk about his match last night. There is some controversy as CM Punk tapped out right after the ref counted 3 last night giving Punk the match. They show footage of Punk tapping yet they do not show Bryan’s shoulders pinned for the 3 count. He says if he faces Punk again he will make him tap out again. C.M.Punk comes out and instead of talking about last night he talks about Friday night where Bryan attacked Kane with a chair and when Kane came too he thought it was Punk who did it and Punk got his ass kicked. Punk then introduces Bryan to his opponent for the evening, Kane.

MATCH 3: DANIEL BRYAN VS KANE

This match was fairly quick. Punk tried to do to Bryan what Bryan did on Friday but Bryan stopped him but that allowed to see Kane see the chair in Bryan’s hands and Kane snaps. Kane gets the chair and hits Bryan with it for the DQ then chokeslams Bryan twice. After the match Punk locks on the Anaconda Vice as Bryan taps out.

WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN BY DQ

RATING: YES! YES! YES!

In the back AJ tells Punk she liked him beating up Daniel Bryan. Punk calls her crazy but he digs crazy chicks.

Out comes the returning Christian who last night won the Intercontinental Title from Cody Rhodes. His opponent will be Jinder Mahal.

MATCH 4: JINDER MAHAL VS CHRISTIAN

Mahal has the advantage early on. Christian takes control and goes for the Killswitch but Mahal reverses it. Mahal tries for the Camel Clutch but Christian reverses it into the Killswitch but instead of going for the pin he goes to the top rope and hits a Frog Splash for the win. Cole and Lawler said it was a new move for Christian but he has done it before.

WINNER: CHRISTIAN

RATING: WELCOME BACK CHAMP

MATCH 5: KELLY KELLY VS BETH PHOENIX

Beth was dominant basically through the whole match and with the exception of a brief KK flurry it was all Beth. Kelly goes for the cartwheel backflip elbow in the corner but Beth hits her in the back of the head and plants her with the Glam Slam for the win.

WINNER: BETH PHOENIX

RATING: WHY

We see Big Johnny in his little red scooter heading towards the ring to announce the 3 people that will take on John Cena and Sheamus.

Sheamus is the first man out for the main event followed by John Cena. All of a sudden we hear the EXCUSE ME from Vicki Guerrero to introduce Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger as 2 of the 3 people. The third person is Tensai.

MAIN EVENT: SHEAMUS & JOHN CENA VS DOLPH ZIGGLER,JACK SWAGGER,AND TENSAI

All the lumberjacks are people who support John Laurinitis and People Power and Big Johnny is at the top of the stage. The heels have the advantage to start. When Zigger gets thrown out the ring the lumberjacks don’t do shit yet when Sheamus goes out they try and attack but Sheamus starts beating up the lumberjacks. But back in the ring Tensai takes over. Back from the break and the heels are still beating Sheamus up. Tensai throws Sheamus out the ring and lumberjacks start to beat on him. Now Big Show is on the ramp watching this beatdown. Sheamus tries to fight back but Tensai stops him in his tracks. Sheamus FINALLY gets the tag to Cena and he tries to fight for his team but the lumberjacks attacked Sheamus then jumped in the ring. From there the faces come from the back to help Cena & Sheamus. However Cena leaves the melee to go look for Big Show who left the stage. Cena confronts Laurinitis in the back looking for Show but Johnny says he didn’t know where he was just to walk into a WMD from Show to end RAW.

WINNER: NO CONTEST

RATING: BLEH

Coming off a good Over The Limit PPV I expected a good RAW, Sadly I did not get that. Therefore I give RAW a 4 out of 10. I was extremely disappointed in this show. And what’s worse is soon all RAW’s will be 3 hours. I do not know how much more of this crap I can take. Well until next week everyone.

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About John Mayer

31 year old wrestling fan and writer
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