PIPE BOMB!: Paul Heyman; Wrestling’s Legal Genius & WWE Divas; What The F@CK!
By Billy James
Last night on Raw, the IWC wet themselves again saying “Holy Shit”! when Paul Heyman came out as Brock Lesnar’s legal advisor. For myself, I was laughing my ass off because one I didn’t expect the legal advisor to be Paul Heyman but an Indy wrestler playing the legal advisor. I admit that I was even saying “Holy Shit!” when Heyman came out. It was pure genius for the WWE to bring Heyman in to be the mouth piece for Lesnar. Lesnar can’t cut a promo to save his ass and we have seen some terrible promos in the WWE (John Laurinaitis). Before anybody in the IWC starts in with that Lesnar can cut a promo, then why the hell you think that WWE management paired Lesnar with Heyman during Lesnar’s first run in the WWE.
Paul Heyman is one of the best creative minds in Professional Wrestling and few can equal Heyman in this area. Heyman was paired with Lesnar during Lesnar’s first run for two reasons. One, Heyman could get Lesnar over with fans through promos and two, Heyman cut promos that caught the fans attention. When Heyman talks, people listen because Heyman is one of the best creative minds in Professional Wrestling. Heyman revolutionize Professional Wrestling with ECW which fans still talk about. While I’ve never been an ECW fan, I respect what ECW did for Wrestling and Paul Heyman was main responsible for it.
Now with that said, I wouldn’t let Heyman handle investing my 401K plan. You see, Heyman’s great strength was also his greatest weakness when Heyman ran the ECW promotion. Heyman was a control freak and couldn’t handle both the creative and financial responsibilities which led to ECW’s death. Yes, there were other factors to the death of ECW but the main reason for the fall of ECW was Heyman’s inability to share power in running ECW.
Still with that all said, would I hire Heyman to run the entire creative side of a Wrestling promotion, Hell Yeah! There have been talks over the years that Dixie Carter should hire Heyman to fix the creative side of TNA which I have no doubts that Heyman could. However Heyman has stated that he would only do it if he had total creative control. I say give it to Heyman, Heyman can do a way better job than Eric Bischoff who ran WCW into the ground. Bischoff is a stupid, retarded asshole who has his head so far up his ass; when he’s sneezes, he blows out shit.
What does the future hold for Paul Heyman? Will we see Heyman again on WWE program? Will Heyman appear with Brock Lesnar as Lesnar’s manager? Only time will tell but for me, it was great seeing Paul Heyman on my TV.
Wait!!! I’m not done yet. Last night on Raw, we had a Divas tag team match where the WWE Divas Champion; Layla and Kelly Kelly face the team of Maxine from NXT and Natalya. Beth Phoenix was sitting at the announcer’s table during in which Cole inform everyone that Layla will defend the Divas Championship against Beth as Over The Limit. Well in true WWE fashion, the match was over in less two minutes with Layla hitting the “Layout” to get the win over Maxine.
Ok WWE, what the F@CK? Why did you waste the time in having a tag team match when only Layla and Maxine wrestled in the match? All Kelly Kelly and Natalya did was just stand on the apron for the most part. This match was a total waste of Natalya’s talents. You notice I didn’t say anything about Kelly Kelly. Well that’s because Kelly couldn’t wrestle her way out of a wet paper bag. When I see Kelly Kelly on my TV, I think of that line from Don Henley’s “Dirty Laundry”. You know the line; “Bubblehead bleach blonde comes on at 5.” Maybe what Kelly Kelly needs to do is call and get some wrestling lessons from Brooke Tessmacher.
Speaking of Brooke Tessmacher, who would have thought 5 years ago that Brooke would be wrestling for a major Women’s title but that’s exactly what Brooke will be doing this Sunday at Sacrifice when Brooke challenges Gail Kim for the TNA Knockouts title. Brooke has really improved in the ring over the past couple of years and I won’t be surprised if Brooke leaves Sacrifice as the new TNA Knockouts Champion.
Oh, by the way this goes out to Eve Torres. “Brooke Tessmacher called and wants her outfit back.” Wow, the IWC says that the WWE doesn’t copy TNA. I will say that it was great to see Maxine on Raw as she is one of the better Divas in wrestling skills coming FCW. I love her heel character on NXT in which Maxine is the dominating Diva on that show. It sucks that NXT is only on the web and lot of people don’t get see how good Maxine is. It doesn’t hurt that Maxine is smoking hot and her ring attire is hot too.
My buddy, John Mayer who reviews Raw in his “I Like It Raw” reviews which if you haven’t read it then you need go and read it; sum it all up about Divas tag team match when he said “Why Me?” When will WWE Management start caring about the Divas division and bring it back to it’s former glory. Well, Kharma vs. Beth Phoenix would be a great starter. However, WWE management will only start caring when Triple H’s daughters start wrestling. Ok, now I’m done!