Welcome everyone to another fun filled edition of I Like It RAW Not Starring Brock Lesnar. After RAW last week we found out two matches for Over The Limit as CM Punk will defend the WWE Title against Daniel Bryan and John Cena will take on John Laurninatis. What is in store for Cena this week from the insane RAW GM? Will Punk and Bryan face off at all? Instead of me asking these questions let us go to the ring.
We get a recap from last week when John Laurninatis went off the deep end and attacked John Cena. Fast Forward to this week and despite me praying to the gods that Laurninatis would not be there this week he is. He says he is not sorry for what he did last week and he gives Cena the night off to rehab. Now while we like to make fun of Johnny boy he actually is a good wrestler but he is more known for his time in Japan. Before Big Johnny leaves CM Punk comes out. Punk comes out and says he has no idea what the people want but he is out there to help him. He says the WWE Universe does NOT want to see Laurninatis. Punk basically rips into Big Johnny and says he is going to watch Cena destroy Laurninatis. Punk then calls Laurninatis stupid,has no friends,and is a giant tool box. Laurninatis makes a match with Punk and Lord Tensai.
Coming up next The Big Show gets his chance at revenge on Cody Rhodes and attempt to take back the Intercontinental Title.
In the back Laurninatis runs into Big Show and yells at him to stay out of his way. Big Show mocks Laurninatis before Eve walks up to Show and he walks away.
MATCH 1: BIG SHOW VS CODY RHODES © FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE
This match gets 2 minutes before Cody takes his belt and leaves giving Show the countout win. Show gets on the mic telling Cody to come back but he instead gets Eve. Eve tells Big Show to apologize for making fun of Laurninatis’s voice. Show says sorry but Eve tells him to apologize. I’m sorry but isn’t saying sorry an apology? Well Show does apologize and leaves the ring.
WINNER: BIG SHOW VIA COUNTOUT
RATING: I’M SORRY I HAD TO WATCH THAT CRAP
We go back to last week when R-Truth and Kofi Kingston won the Tag Titles from Primo & Epico. This week we get singles action as Kofi takes on Dolph Ziggler.
MATCH 2: KOFI KINGSTON VS DOLPH ZIGGLER
This match got about 5 minutes. Interesting note during the match A.W. And his clients Primo,Epico,and Rosa were watching the match from the back when Mason Ryan walks by. The end comes when Jack Swagger holds Kofi’s foot as he was coming off the second rope which allowed Dolph to hit the Zig Zag for the win. I’m sorry these 2 could have had a better match with more time.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
RATING: GIVE THESE TWO 15 MINUTES AND PPV THE SKY IS THE LIMIT
In the ring Michael Cole welcomes John Cena via satellite. Cena thanks the WWE Universe for there support. Cena says while he is medically cleared to wrestle the attack from Laurninatis on his left elbow he needs to get it drained twice a week. It is also revealed that it was Cena told the board to not fire or do anything to Laurninatis until after the pay per view. Cena says that Laurninatis is going to get his ass kicked at the pay per view.
We are getting a Diva’s Tag match as Maxine and Natalya team up to take on Kelly Kelly and Diva’s Champion Layla.
MATCH 3: LAYLA & KELLY KELLY VS MAXINE & NATALYA
Beth Phoenix is out on commentary and it is announced that at Over The Limit she will challenge Layla for the Divas Title. This was another pointless match as neither Kelly or Natalya get in the match. Layla wins pinning Maxine after a neckbreaker.
WINNERS: LAYLA & KELLY KELLY
RATING: WHY ME?
Time for a big time tag match as Alberto Del Rio teams up with Chris Jericho to take on World Champion Sheamus and Randy Orton.
MATCH 4: SHEAMUS & RANDY ORTON VS ALBERTO DEL RIO & CHRIS JERICHO
Sheamus comes out with his left shoulder still taped up from Daniel Bryan and Del Rio attacking it. However it does not slow him down as once he gets tagged in he goes to town on Chris Jericho. But once the heels get control they go right after the shoulder. Once Sheamus gets the tag to Orton he starts to clean house until Ricardo distracts the ref allowing Del Rio to take advantage. The heels start to target Orton’s arm until Orton counters the cross arm breaker and gets the tag to Sheamus. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse on Jericho with the bad arm. Orton RKO’s Del Rio out of the ring but Sheamus hits Orton with a Brogue Kick by accident followed by a Codebreaker from Jericho to Sheamus and Chris Jericho pins the World Champion. After the match Sheamus checks on Orton and gets a RKO for his troubles.
WINNERS: CHRIS JERICHO & ALBERTO DEL RIO
RATING: PRETTY DAMN GOOD TO SAY THE LEAST
Backstage Laurninatis and Eve talk about Big Show’s apology when Del Rio,Jericho, and Orton all want a shot at Sheamus when they all brawl. It is now announced that Sheamus will defend the title in a Fatal 4 Way against Alberto Del Rio, Chris Jericho, and Randy Orton.
Someone needs to call my momma because here comes Brodus Clay. From there Miz comes out and says REALLY a lot.
MATCH 5: BRODUS CLAY VS THE MIZ
Early on Miz gets knocked out of the ring and Cameron and Naomi laugh at the former champ. But once back in the ring Miz takes advantage. Miz goes for a move from the second rope but Clay catches him and hits a T-Bone suplex followed by a big splash for the 3.
WINNER: BRODUS CLAY
RATING: MY HOW FAR MIZ HAS FALLEN
We get a recap from last week when Brock Lesnar “broke” Triple H’s arm. It’s funny the arm didn’t look broken when he was in Vegas. Brock was invited to RAW but instead he sent his legal team and that is none other then PAUL HEYMAN! Heyman says Lesnar feels betrayed over not getting his demands met. Heyman then reads a statement from Lesnar saying he doesn’t feel sorry for what he did and said he will never come back because he QUITS!
Up next is the main event as WWE Champion CM Punk takes on Lord Tensai
Before the main event Big Show is backstage talking to the stars of USA’s new show Common Law and they say Show should not be apologizing to Eve. All 3 make fun of Laurninatis’s voice when Eve comes up again and everyone just shuts up.
CM Punk comes out for his match when Laurninatis makes it a handicapped match with Lord Tensai teaming with Daniel Bryan to take on Punk.
MAIN EVENT: CM PUNK VS DANIEL BRYAN & LORD TENSAI
The heels dominated the beginning of the match. Punk has basically gotten in no offense in until he rolled out of the way of a Bryan flying headbutt. Punk goes for the GTS but Bryan gets out and tags in Tensai who gets knocked down 4 his troubles. Punk goes for the elbow when Sakimoto distracts the ref enabling Bryan to knock Punk off the rope into a ChokeBomb followed by the claw for the 3 count by Lord Tensai.
WINNERS: LORD TENSAI & DANIEL BRYAN
RATING: PUNK HAD NO CHANCE
After the match Bryan locks the YES Lock in to Punk as he screams YES YES YES!
This week’s RAW was interesting to say the least. We really only had 1 good match and that was the tag match. I will give this week’s RAW a 5 out of 10. Next week we will see Triple H return after the beatdown he got at the hands of Brock Lesnar. Will we see Paul Heyman again next week? Only time will tell. Until next week everyone be safe and don’t blow green mist in anyone’s eyes that may burn.