John Mayer: I Like It RAW For 4/16/12

I’m back! Welcome back to the greatest RAW review on the internet I Like It RAW. This week we are across the pond in London, England. One match that has already been announced is CM Punk defending the WWE Title against Mark Henry in a No Disqualification No Countout match. Also there was news announced earlier that Punk was spotted entering a London pub. Was he drinking or was there another reason to go in there? There’s only one way to find out and that is to continue reading on. And I promise not to be as brutal as I was with Smackdown last week.

 

We are starting the night off with the WWE Title match which is a pleasant surprise. Usually we get a 15 minute long promo which makes me wanna go to the bathroom acouple of times.

 

MATCH 1:NO DQ NO COUNTOUT MATCH FOR THE WWE TITLE: CM PUNK(c) VS. MARK HENRY

 

Punk has no advantage in this match as there are no countouts and no disqualifications. The crowd is big time behind Punk in this match. Henry used his power advantage early and Punk used his quickness with a dive to the outside. Punk ran the guardrail and hit a bulldog on the challenger. Before the first commercial break Henry threw Punk hard into the guardrail. Back from the break they are back in the ring and Henry is continuing to use his power advantage to wear the champion down. Punk takes advantage of the No DQ stipulation to bring in a chair and use it on Henry. Henry gets the chair and starts to use it on Punk. After knocking Punk down again Henry locks punk in a pretty massive bearhug. With every time Punk hits Henry to get out of the bearhug the London crowd chants YES. Punk counters the Worlds Strongest Slam into a kick to the head. Henry counters Punk’s corner bulldog but gets knocked into the chair in the corner. Punk gets the win when he climbs the top rope and hits Henry with a diving chair shot.

 

WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: CM PUNK

MATCH RATING: ***

 

Punk gets no chance to celebrate when Chris Jericho gets on the tron and announces that at Extreme Rules he gets a rematch against CM Punk in a Chicago Street Fight. Punk’s family will be in Chicago for the ppv and they get to see there son kick Jericho’s ass. But then Jericho shows footage of CM Punk going into a London pub and questions if Punk is sober now. Punk says he went there for Fish & Chips with a friend of his. Jericho says he could have gotten that anywhere and at Extreme Rules he will lose his title.

 

Up next Santino Marella defends the United States Title against David Otunga and we will get an interview with Brock Lesnar

 

Back from break and we have R-Truth dressed like Sherlock Holmes and says that he is going to find Teddy Long a job.

 

Santino Marella comes out for his match wearing multiple Football jerseys. The crowd booed until he revealed his England jersey. Otunga comes out doing all kinds of poses. Hey David Wade Barrett wants his coat gimmick back.

 

MATCH 2: UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH SANTINO MARELLA(c) VS DAVID OTUNGA

 

Otunga started this match off with power moves. Santino tries to do the split but Otunga caught him with a big boot. Otunga hit his finisher but Marella got his foot on the rope. Marella gets the win following the Cobra in a quick and pointless match.

 

WINNER: SANTINO MARELLA RETAINS THE US TITLE

RATING: *

 

Josh Matthews attempts to interview Lord Tensai but his handler briefly stops him. But Tensai does speak but in Japanese. The Brock Lesnar interview is next.

 

It was announced earlier today that Wrestlemania 28 had 1.3 million buys which is an all time high. Next year they will get my business at the show directly.

 

Brock Lesnar says he is not a WWE superstar he is an ass kicker. He brings up his past where he was a NCAA Champion,a 3 time WWE Champion,and a UFC Heavyweight Champion. He says the only reason that John Cena is where he is is because Lesnar left. He says Cena is scared and it is announced that there match at Extreme Rules is just that,an Extreme Rules match. I have always been a fan of Lesnar and I hope he wins at Extreme Rules.

 

Zack Ryder comes out for his match. He is looking quite happy and I don’t know why because his match is with Kane.

 

MATCH THREE:KANE VS. ZACK RYDER

 

I feel bad for Zack. At the start of the year he was United States Champion and now he is back to being buried. This match was doomed from the beginning when Zack got kicked off the ring apron right into the announce table. The ref didn’t even start this match. Ryder got a parting chokeslam.

 

WINNER:NO CONTEST

MATCH RATING: N/A

 

After the match Kane talks about the family reunion that Randy Orton and his father had last week when Kane knocked them both out. He said he knew his daddy would go down easy but he didn’t except Randy to.

 

Backstage Kofi Kingston is talking to AJ when Daniel Bryan comes and interrupts. He tells AJ to watch later when he makes Kofi tap out to the newly re-named YES lock. God help us all. Hey AJ call me I’m still available.

 

John Cena comes out and wow the London crowd does not like him. I will say this John Cena has balls going right up to Brock Lesnar and slap him in the face. Cena is saying that at Wrestlemania his era could have ended due to John Laurinaitis becoming the GM of both RAW and Smackdown. He says that Brock Lesnar was brought in to replace him. Cena says at Extreme Rules he will fight and that brings out the RAW GM who reminds us of his many titles. Laurinaitis books John in an Extreme Rules match for tonight against an opponent of his choice.

 

 

Here is the current Extreme Rules Card:

 

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP CHICAGO STREET FIGHT: CM PUNK(c) VS CHRIS JERICHO

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS: SHEAMUS(c) VS DANIEL BRYAN

EXTREME RULES: BROCK LESNAR VS JOHN CENA

 

MATCH FOUR: KOFI KINGSTON VS DANIEL BRYAN

 

The London crowd really like to chant YES. Anytime Daniel hit a move the crowd chanted YES. Kofi hit a nice Springboard Crossbody on to Bryan while they were both on the floor. This has been a descent match. Kofi hit a big Boom Drop and the SOS for a 2 count. Bryan got the victory via submission when Kofi missed a crossbody from the top. After the match Bryan re-locks the YES lock on when Sheamus came up but missed a Brogue Kick.

 

WINNER:DANIEL BRYAN

MATCH RATING: ** ½

 

It’s time to get funky as Brodus Clay and his dancers come down to the ring. This gimmick I still need to get used to. I expected him to return as this badass not a dancer. Vicki Guerrero interrupts and brings out Dolph Ziggler to face Clay.

 

 

MATCH FIVE: BRODUS CLAY VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

 

This match got all of 30 seconds before Swagger got involved causing the DQ. After the match Vicki got on the apron but Clay’s dancers knocked her down.

 

WINNER: BRODUS CLAY BY DQ

MATCH RATING: DUD

 

Recently Chief Jay Strongbow passed away. As they did on Smackdown they aired a tribute video honoring his career.

 

R-Truth tells Teddy Long the perfect job for him is General Manager of Smackdown. Long reminds Truth that he was fired from that job. Pointless segment.

 

We see The Great Khali and Big Show come out as tag team partners to face the Tag Team Champions. Good news champs you get TV time. Bad news it’s against two giants.

 

MATCH SIX: PRIMO & EPICO VS THE GREAT KHALI AND THE BIG SHOW

 

This matched should be banned in 17 countries. Both Khali and Show outweigh both champions by themselves. Short match with a double pin following a Chokeslam and Punjabi Plunge. Way to bury the tag champs even further.

 

WINNERS: THE BIG SHOW AND THE GREAT KHALI

MATCH RATING: THANK GOD THE MAIN EVENT IS NEXT

 

Here we go for the Extreme Rules match. We still do not know who is going to be Cena’s opponent. We get Big Johnny’s music and he announces his opponent to be LORD TENSAI! Yea Cena ain’t winning.

 

MAIN EVENT:JOHN CENA VS LORD TENSAI IN AN EXTREME RULES MATCH

 

The start of the match was all Tensai. Cena blocked a suplex and suplexed Tensai just for him to get right up and knock Cena down. Cena takes advantage on the outside but Tensai’s handler kicked Cena while he was down and Otunga threw Cena back in the ring. It took three shoulder tackles to knock the big man down. Cena went for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle but Tensai stopped him. Tensai locks on an armbar which is countered into the STF but Otunga comes in only to get the AA. Tensai sprays Green Mist into Cena’s face followed by the chokebomb for the upset.

 

WINNER: LORD TENSAI

MATCH RATING: ** ½

 

That was an interesting way to end RAW. I am going to give this weeks RAW a 6 OUT OF 10. Tune in next week for a 3 hour RAW where John Cena and Brock Lesnar sign the contract for there match at Extreme Rules. Until then please do not get green mist in your eyes. Take care everyone.

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About John Mayer

31 year old wrestling fan and writer
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