John Mayer:Laying The SUPER Smackdown For 4/10/12

Welcome to another edition of Laying The Smackdown. This week big brother fills in for little sister as I,the great John Mayer,is doing the review this week. On this week’s show we are going back in time with some of the WWE starts of the past. Hopefully they bring back the old stage with the big fist but that might be asking for too much. I am going to try and do this as close to live as possible. So without further ado here is Laying The Super Smackdown.

 

We start off the show with Mean Gene Okerlund interviewing the World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus. The champ apologizes for losing his temper last week after being disqualified against Alberto Del Rio. Just as he apologizes John Laurinatis comes out and makes the champ apologize to not only Chad Patton but to all the referees and to the world. After that Johnny puts Sheamus on probation and says if he lays his hand on a referee by accident or on purpose he will be fired. He also informs the champ he will be in a tag match later on against Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio. His partner will be Mean Gene himself.

 

In the back we see Randy Orton getting ready for his match when we see his father, Cowboy Bob Orton, come in and give him some words of confidence. After the break we will see Randy Orton take on Mark Henry.

 

MATCH 1: RANDY ORTON VS MARK HENRY

 

I remember last year when Mark Henry won the World Title from Randy Orton. Now Henry is facing CM Punk for the WWE Title on Monday and Randy seems to be stuck in the mid card. Henry was using his power advantage to overpower Orton. Randy was able to regain control and was able to take down Mark outside the ring. All of a sudden we see Kane’s pyro go off and Kane on the Titontron talking about how he did not want the fun to end. The camera scrolls down to see Bob Orton knocked out. Randy runs into the back to find his father and is assaulted by Kane with some sort of pipe.

 

MATCH RESULT: NO CONTEST

MATCH RATING:*

 

In the back we see Hall Of Famers Pat Patterson, Hillbilly Jim, Ted Dibiase,and Tony Atlas around the monitor as jobber Benny Camer grabs the mic for some nonsense when Ryback’s music hits.

 

MATCH 2: RYBACK VS BENNY CAMER

 

Yea this was shorter then last week. No comment.

 

MATCH RESULT: RYBACK WINS

MATCH RESULT: NEGATIVE 5 STARS

 

In the locker room Heath Slater and Tyson Kidd are talking about there match with the Uso’s when Slater says he has got them a manager for tonight and it is none other then Jimmy Hart. In case you don’t know Jimmy Hart has managed many tag teams to the Tag Team Titles. I do not see him leading this team to the belts.

 

As of right now the commercials have been more exciting then this Smackdown and that is NOT a good thing.

 

We see Mick Foley come down to the commentary booth for this next match

 

MATCH 3: THE USO’S VS TYSON KIDD AND HEATH SLATER

 

The Uso’s entrance was longer then Ryback’s match. Jimmy Hart is talking to Mick through that damn megaphone which use 2 drive me nuts. For some odd reason during the match Foley pulls out Socko. The end comes when The Uso’s hit a Samoan Drop then a top rope splash for the 3. After the match Foley puts Socko in Jimmy Hart’s mouth. Whoever writes this shit should be shot.

 

MATCH RESULT: USO’S WIN

MATCH RATING: *

 

It’s Pipers Pit time with Roddy Piper and his guest will be Daniel Bryan. Before Daniel comes out we see a clip from last week when he break up with AJ. On a personal note AJ I am a single man you can call me whenever. Daniel comes out wearing his new YES YES YES shirt. It is announced that Daniel has been granted his re-match for the World Heavyweight Title at Extreme Rules in a 2 out of 3 falls match. Piper brings out AJ and she is looking quite nice. Yea AJ should call me she’s so nice. She is quite excited to be on Piper’s Pit. AJ says that Daniel is a good person which makes me wanna vomit a little in my mouth. AJ then says that it was her fault that he lost at Wrestlemania which once again made me throw up in my mouth. Piper says that AJ is beautiful and doesn’t need him which gets Daniel pissed off saying she needs to leave the ring. AJ leaves the ring and as Bryan is about to leave Piper stops him. Piper tells him he isn’t suppose to tell a lady to shut up, to yell at her, or to use her as a human shield. Piper then says he gets to watch Sheamus kick Daniel Bryan’s head off twice. Bryan slaps Piper and runs like a scared little bitch. In case you didn’t see it before AJ Lee please call me I would like to take you out.

 

I see a preview of the new Edge DVD and it looks pretty awesome. I am so going to buy it when I get money or someone mails it to me.

 

I just read that last night’s RAW had a 3.1 rating which is down from the 3.43 from last week. That has to suck for the WWE. Guess not many people wanted to see Brock Lesnar.

 

Back to the show and we have The Great Khali in the ring with Natalya and Alicia Fox dancing before there match.

 

MATCH 4: THE GREAT KHALI,ALICIA FOX,AND NATALYA VS THE BELLA TWINS AND DREW MCINTYRE

 

So apparently Drew Mcintyre is better then this match and left. Alicia Fox got the win with a Northern Lights suplex on one of the Bellas. After the match Mae Young comes out and gives Khali a kiss. Thanks Jill for letting me write about this shit.

 

MATCH WINNER:KHALI,ALICIA,AND NATALYA

MATCH RATING: NEGATIVE 5 STARS

 

They have a commercial for the new WWE.com. I will say I like it a lot better then older versions. It is a lot easier to navigate then previous versions.

 

Time for another promo from Damien Sandow. He is talking in big words and way to fast for me. I laugh when I hear the crowd chanting WHAT after every time he talks. He ends with by saying Your Welcome. Hey Damien Perry Saturn called he wants his gimmick back.

 

Update on Bob Orton he suffered abdominal injuries. I guess he got sick from watching this shit like me.

 

Time for the RAW Rebound. Last night on RAW Brock Lesnar and John Cena fought to start the show when Brock jacked Cena in the jaw bloodying up his face. It took the entire locker room to separate these two. At the end of the night after Cena defeated David Otunga Brock came back out and hit Cena in the nutsack then gave him an F5. At Extreme Rules I expect to see Lesnar defeat Cena just like he did years ago.

 

Backstage Gene Okerlund says he doesn’t like there chances tonight. Sheamus says that if they survive tonight that he will buy the first round. Way to look ahead there champ.

 

Apparently Charles Barkley needs money since he is now doing commercials for NutraSystem.

 

Now remember kids the WWE guys are professionals PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

 

HOOO! We get Hacksaw Jim Duggan out for a match. This should be interesting.

 

MATCH 5: HUNICO VS HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN

 

Hunico comes out with Camacho on his custom bicycle. Camacho protects Hunico which bring out Sgt. Slaughter. He tosses Hacksaw the 2×4 and Hacksaw hits Hunico with it for the DQ. After the match Slaughter locks on the Cobra Clutch and the old goats celebrate.

 

MATCH RESULT: HUNICO BY DQ

MATCH RATING: I QUIT

 

The main event is next. Thank god.

 

O wait I lied here comes Cody Rhodes. I agree with Cody when he said this was a waste of time. Cody was bad mouthing Big Show when Dusty Rhodes comes out. I still love Dusty’s music as he is a common man like me. Cody says that Dusty is embarrassing him and they can talk in the back when The Big Show’s music hits. Instead of showing the knockout punch from Wrestlemania Show shows a clip from when Cody Rhodes had that stupid Dashing gimmick. Cody leaves and Dusty dances.

 

We see Gene and Sheamus walk in the back. The main event should be next.

 

Here we go main event time. We see Daniel Bryan in the ring yelling out YES! Then we get my favorite ring announcer Ricardo bringing out Alberto Del Rio in an old school car. Howard Finkel does the ring introduction for Mean Gene Okerlund and Sheamus. I am expecting a handicapped match here.

 

MAIN EVENT: SHEAMUS AND GENE OKERLUND VS DANIEL BRYAN AND ALBERTO DEL RIO

 

This wasn’t much of a match. Sheamus got thrown to the outside and the heels surrounded Gene. Next we know we hear Piper’s music again and Piper comes down with all the WWE Legends which was enough for Sheamus to come back in and hit the Brouge Kick on Bryan for the 3. After the match some of the legends beat up poor Ricardo and celebrate with Sheamus and Gene to end the show. Out of nowhere Michael Cole comes into the ring to run his mouth when Pat Patterson punches Cole. Now I think the show is over. THANK GOD!

 

MATCH RESULT: SHEAMUS AND OKERLUND WIN

MATCH RATING:THIS SHOW IS OVER THANK GOD

 

OK I had fun talking shit about Smackdown tonight but all in all the show sucked. MY RATING FOR THIS EDITION IS A 0. THAT’S RIGHT A FUCKING ZERO! I felt my IQ drop like 1000 points tonight. I need a beer and I quit drinking 5 months ago. This was just way to bad. Well that’s enough for me bashing Smackdown for one night. Tune in next week when my sister takes her show review back.

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About John Mayer

31 year old wrestling fan and writer
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