Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 07/15/13

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Riley’s Corner

With Riley Ross

Welcome back to Riley’s Corner where I breakdown each segment and match of RAW. Tonight we are live from Brooklyn, NY and we get to see the fallout from the Money in the Bank PPV. Will we see the heel turn of Randy Orton and will he cash in his MITB contract against John Cena tonight? Will the other MITB winner, Damien Sandow cash in as well? Hopefully tonight we get answers on how Cody Rhodes feels now that his BFF backstabbed him. Is their bromance over? We will see how Ziggler reacts to AJ interfering in his WHC title match with Del Rio last night.

Brad Maddox, the RAW GM comes out and is nearly booed out of the building. Oh lawd, that fool is in love with himself as he gave himself a drumroll. Dude, we are so not going to get used to as in a few months we will be like who was Brad Maddox. We get a rematch between Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio tonight. Here comes Cena to interrupt. Why is that Howdy Doody fucktard out there? Cena, I think you are the more hated of the two. The both of you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. Maddox seems to be having a love fest with Cena as he spouts off about how me he admires Cena. Don’t you mean you admire how Cena bullies younger talent and refuses to put people over? Maddox is going to let Cena pick his opponent for Summer Slam. Cena cleverly drops a few names and here comes Orton. He tells Maddox to be careful and not to get ahead of himself since Cena might not be champion come Summer Slam. Orton tells him that when he cashes in his MITB that Cena will never see it coming. Here comes Fandango and his critter, Summer Rae. Fandango tells Orton to shush when Orton scolds him for interrupting him. I have never wanted to punt an idiot more than Fandango right now. Listen here you swivel hipped idiot, sit down and shut the fuck up. Orton nails him but Fandango fights back but my boy is kicking that twit’s ass.

Fandango vs. Randy Orton—the match starts off while on commercial break but Orton is dominating the love child of Disco Inferno and 3 Count. Fandancero mounts a comeback while Critter Chick is cheering like a moron. Orton suplexes Fandango who rolls out of the ring like a little bitch. Both men are back in the ring and Fandumbo rolls out with Orton hot on his dancing shoes. Orton nails him a few times before rolling him into the ring for a pin but Fanditzo kicks out. Fandeedeedeeo uses the ropes to hurt Orton. He has Orton in a side headlock but Orton is powering out. Orton does a back body drop and puts Fandango in the corner and is punching the lameness out of Fandango.  Just remember Orton, that’s going to take a lot of punches. Beautiful drop kick from Orton and he goes for the cover but Fandango kicks out. Fandango kicks Orton in the head and then flings Orton into the steel steps. It’s wrestling not the fucking Disco. Back from commercial and Fandango rolls Orton up for the pin but Orton kicks out. Fandango is head-butting Orton. Orton goes for a back drop but Fandingo counters with a side suplex.  Orton is mounting a comeback and he suplexes Fandongo. Orton puts him on the top rope and punches him. He goes for the superplex and nails it. Orton powerslams his ass and goes to the happy psychotic place but Fandango counters him. He goes to the top rope but Orton saves the day. Orton nails him with the DDT from the second rope and Critter is having a meltdown. He nails Fandango with the RKO. Winner: Randy Fucking Orton.

Suck on that Orton haters.

Dolph Ziggler is shown walking when AJ runs up to him. He tells her it’s time to move on and to stop apologizing. She hugs him but he isn’t reciprocating. He tells her that it is time for him to move on from her. “We’re done!” Seeing the look on her face after he storms off, Dolph Ziggler is in for a world of hurt.

Mark Henry looking dapper in a single breasted black suit is in the middle of the ring. He gives props to Cena which in my opinion sounds forced. Henry says that he gave it all he had and took Cena to the limits. The crowd chants ‘you tapped out’ but Henry admits it and says Cena will make them tap out too. Henry says he took him to his limits and will do it again this is when the Shield’s music hits. Oh I’m a happy Riley now as my inner fangirl is off doing cartwheels. The Shield surrounds the ring and Henry takes off his jacket and strikes first. The Shield is on him attacking away. Roman takes him down with a spear and they are beating the shit out of him. They triple power bomb him and HOLY SHIT!  Believe in the Shield bitches. Finally the crowd gets a chant right as the Shield stands over a fallen Mark Henry.

Brad Maddox is on the phone with his mommy and Chris Jericho interrupts him. Jericho is looking good and he is quick with the insults to Maddox especially about age and his wardrobe. Junior makes a match between Jericho and RVD.

ADR vs. Ziggler—the match starts off with ADR attacking Ziggler. Ziggler mounts a comeback with a dropkick and a quick pin but Del Rio kicks out. He then nails Del Rio with a neckbreaker and starts dropping elbows on Del Rio. He goes for the pin but once again Del Rio kicks out. Del Rio is trying to catch his breath but Ziggler launches himself at him but ADR moves out of the way so Zigglypuff meets the turnbuckle. Del Rio takes advantage of this and starts kicking away at Ziggler. He has Ziggler on the ropes and delivers a belly to back suplex. He goes for the pin but Ziggler kicks out. Ziggler heads to the ropes to catch a break and Del Rio sits on him until the ref forces him to move. Ziggler makes a comeback and kicks Del Rio. Del Rio sends Zigglypie flying over the top rope and crashing into the mat. Back from commercial and Del Rio has Ziggler in a side headlock but Ziggler is trying to fight his way out. Del Rio exposes his knee brace and goes to kick Ziggler but Ziggler moves out of the way. Dolph launches himself at Del Rio and takes him down. He goes for the pin but Del Rio kicks out. They are trading blows back and forth and Del Rio knocks him down. Del Rio taunts Ziggler and telegraphs his next move which gives Ziggler time to counter it. Ziggler nails him with a dropkick to the shoulder and Dolph goes for the pin but ADR kicks out. Ziggler goes for the FameAsser but Del Rio counters with a suplex and a series of head-butts. Ziggler nails him with a neckbreaker and goes for the pin but Del Rio kicks out again. Del Rio kicks him in the back of the head and goes for the pin but Ziggler kicks out. Del Rio sets up Ziggler on the ropes and is kicking away at Ziggler. He goes to do a shoulder tackle but Ziggler moves so Del Rio hits the ring post. Ziggler nails him with a FameAsser from the second rope and goes for the pin but AJ rings the bell. Someone put a leash on her. Del Rio taking advantage of the distraction wins the match. Winner: ADR.

AJ gets in the ring and attacks Dolph Ziggler, he is trying to leave but Big E Langston takes him down. AJ kisses Dolph goodbye. By the way AJ take acting lessons because your fake crying needs work.

R-Truth comes out for his match. It’s good to see him back in action. After he raps his intro, the arena goes dark and you see the Wyatt family light the lantern to say they are here. They have the best intro ever. I was wrong to prematurely judge them last week. Give them a chance before you write them off or find a new wrestling show to watch. Better yet quit watching wrestling. Bray Wyatt sits in his rocking chair as Erik Rowan and Luke Harper attack R-Truth. They send R-Truth flying underneath the ropes to the mat before turning to Bray Wyatt for guidance. Bray gets on the microphone and does an eloquent speech. He vows to never turn his back on us and sees that maybe he is the answer all along. R-Truth gets up on the apron with a chair and Rowan and Harper stand in front of Bray. Bray sends them away and tells R-Truth to take a free hit. Rowan and Harper surround the ring and Bray takes down R-Truth. Bray’s finishing move is awesome. I don’t know how to describe but Wyatt family you made a believer. He makes a reference to Kane and says follow the buzzards. Huh? Does this mean Kane is going to join them?

The Real Americans vs. The Usos—Zeb Colter why don’t you shut your fucking little piehole. No one wants to hear your racist rants. So hop back on Swagger’s dick and shut up. He tells Cena to choose between Cesaro and or Swagger. The Usos won the WWE Universe vote to face the clients of Colter. Cesaro and Jimmy Uso start it off and Jimmy quickly tags in Jey. Swagger tries to punch him but misses and Jey punches him. Here comes Swagger, fresh off the tag. Swagger delivers his Swaggerbomb and is using the ropes to his advantage. Here comes Cesaro with a double foot stomp. Uso gets in their corner but quickly fights out. Here comes the other Uso with a crossbody and a pin but Cesaro or kicks out. One of the Usos rolls up Cesaro. Winners: The Usos.

Yeah but you still failed to take the titles off of the Shield.

Damien Sandow vs. Christian—kudos to both men for their performance in the MITB match last night. The match starts off with a lockup and Sandow showing off his aggressive side. He goes to the outside of the ring and Christian follows. Both men are inside the ring and Christian is sitting on the ropes but Sandow pushes him off. Sandow throws him in the ring and goes for the pin but Christian kicks out.  Sandow sets him up on the ropes but Christian delivers a tornado DDT. He goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Christian uses a drop toe hold and uses the ropes to his advantage. He goes to the top rope and delivers a cross body, he goes for the pin but Sandow kicks out. Dude stop with the idiotic clapping. He goes for the Killswitch but Sandow counters with a Side Russian Leg Sweep. He goes for the Elbow of Disdain but Christian rolls him up. Winner and still a snaggletooth: Christian.

Sandow grabs a microphone and his briefcase and brags about being a MITB winner. Here comes Cody Rhodes to attack his former best forever friend. The refs have to break it up and Sandow runs thru the crowd.

I have to confess that I love the Sheamus and the 1-800-FELLA commercials. It has taught me to Brogue Kick the hiccups out of individuals.

A segment with Vickie is shown from earlier in the day. She is pandering the fans to sign her petition to get her job back. Someone take the megaphone away from her, she is loud enough without one.

Brie Bella vs. Naomi—Can we get real competition for Naomi instead of a diva who is only back because of her boyfriend? Nikki is ringside with her sister and Cameron comes out in Naomi’s corner. Sorry but not really I find family reunions more interesting than the Bella Twits. Keep rolling your eyes Brie, we all know that you and your sister won’t last when Paige and Eva Marie come up to the roster.  The match starts off with a lockup and the Bella twin slamming Naomi down by her hair. Naomi takes her down and goes for the pin but the Bella twit kicks out. Naomi is kicking that twitch’s ass. Brie gets back in the ring and goes for the pin but Naomi kicks out. Brie straddles her back and chokes her with the ropes. She goes for the pin but Naomi kicks out. Hearing the announcers talk about Total Divas and how the Bellas are the stars of it make me sick. Those little skanky ass bimbos don’t do shit for the divas division except make it even more of a joke. Impress us by improving your ability in the ring and not because of who you are dating. Brie is trying to use a submission move and Cameron is cheering on Naomi. Naomi fights out of it and goes for a pin but the Bella twin kicks out. Naomi nails Brie with the Hurricanrana and drop kicks Brie. She does it again and nails her with the Rear View. Naomi goes to the top and hits her with a cross body. Winner and clearly more talented: Naomi

We are shown footage from last night of Heyman ignoring a reporter’s questions about his actions last night. CM Punk comes out to the ring to talk about what happened last night. Punk is obviously is pissed, you can tell by his tone. He tells Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman to come on out. Paul ‘Backstabber’ Heyman comes out first. Heyman says that in his world Punk doesn’t exist. He is brutal with his words as he twists the proverbial knife in Punk’s back. I hope Punk nails the Walrus titted Twinkie fucker. Heyman goes on to say that without Heyman, Punk isn’t the best in the world. Well Heyman why don’t you take your other two hacks and kick rocks? Punk has more talent and charisma than Axel and Lesnar combined. Heyman shouldn’t bring Punk’s personal business into this, it’s uncomfortable as hell. Heyman claims he did it because Punk took away his best friend so Heyman took the WWE championship from him. Heyman says Punk cannot beat Lesnar. Punk gets on the microphone to respond and asks if Heyman is done. Punk says that he should have seen it coming but he trusted Heyman. Get him Punk! Punk says he will get Heyman and he swears on Heyman’s children. He will go after everyone who was in on this plan. I love this side of CM Punk. He vows to burn down everything around Heyman and to destroy him. Heyman calls out ‘its clobbering time’ and here comes Brock ‘Talentless Piece of Shit’ Lesnar to destroy Punk. Did someone have to explain the big words to Lesnar? As Punk is distracted by Lesnar, Heyman attacks from behind. PUNCH HIM IN THE STOMACH!! That’s the bitch’s kryptonite. Brockie will go down faster than his wife if you punch him in the stomach. Lesnar throws him over the announcer’s table. Punk gets up and Lesnar throws him spine first into the ring post. Lesnar F5’s CM Punk on the announcer’s table. GO back to the farm Lesnar, you fucking pathetic ass cow fucking bitch. Officials are checking on Punk and he shrugs them off. He gets to his feet on his own. This clearly proves he is the better man and is better off without Heyman and Lesnar. He goes back down holding his head. Poor Punk.

Great Khali corners John Cena and says something I cannot understand. Cena responds back in a foreign language.

Brad Maddox is shown with Stephanie McMahon and she asks him about his first night as RAW GM. She asks a question and Maddox answers but she is talking to Triple H. They are mind fucking him big time. They imply that Cena will pick Daniel Bryan and that Vince might blow a gasket. They are in favor of Cena picking Daniel Bryan. Triple H says good luck in your future endeavors tonight.

RVD vs. Chris Jericho—the match starts off with a lockup before it’s quickly broken up. RVD is trying to take down Jericho but Jericho reverses it. Dude we know who you are, you really don’t have to keep reminding us. Jericho is chopping RVD before RVD takes him down with a shoulder tackle. Jericho takes him down with a dropkick. RVD tries to do a cannonball but Sweet T does it better. Jericho takes down RVD with another kick to the head and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. I know that these two men are legends in their own right but I cannot get into this match. Jericho kicks RVD out of the ring and the referee starts counting him out. Jericho helps him onto the apron and goes for a suplex but RVD blocks him. Jericho finally connects with the suplex but RVD lands on his feet and kicks Jericho. He goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. RVD is squeezing the air out of Jericho with his legs but Jericho counters and goes for the pin. Jericho powerbombs RVD. RVD does a moonsault from the apron and both men are down on the floor by the announcer’s table. Back from commercial and Jericho is in control as he is working the left arm of RVD. RVD is trying to fight out and he does. He kicks Jericho in the chest, he takes down Jericho again. Jericho takes him down with a shoulder tackle. Jericho goes to the top and nails him. He hits him with a running bulldog and goes for the Lionsault but RVD moves out of the way. RVD hits him with a rolling thunder and goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. Jericho hits him with a DDT and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho but RVD counters. RVD kicks him and flings Jericho in the corner. Jericho is fighting back. RVD goes for his splash but Jericho moves. Jericho nails him with the Lionsault and goes for the pin but RVD kicks out. RVD kicks Jericho again and goes for the top rope but Jericho counters. RVD head-butts Jericho and nails him with the Five Star Frogsplash. He goes for the pin but Jericho kicks out. Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho and has it locked in. RVD makes it to the ropes which forces Jericho to break the hold. RVD gets to his feet and kicks Jericho in the face again. He hits Jericho with the Five Star Frog Splash and wins. Winner: RVD

All the superstars are out except for Punk and Mark Henry. They are lined up for Super Cena to pick his opponent at Summer Slam. Oh how I wish they would all join forces and stomp him. Cena riles up the crowd and taunts some of the superstars. He picks Daniel Bryan to be his opponent at Summer Slam.

Match of the night goes to Randy Orton and Fandango. Even though I don’t like Fandango’s gimmick, it was good to see Orton show some heart and soul in the match. Orton has his balls back. Also I was happy to see the Shield in action tonight. Sorry Mark Henry that it had to be at your expense.

WTF moment goes to the Bella twins. Sorry but you ladies and I use that term loosely aren’t the stars of the WWE’s Diva Division. So go back to the drawing board and try again.

In closing, I was entertained by RAW. I was wrong about the Wyatt family being weak and I apologize. I thought the show was decent even if Super Cena dominated the show. I give it a B+, I wish there would have been more of the Shield but I will take what I can get. Make sure you all check out http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-shark-attack-live. We’ll be airing Tuesday at 10pm ET Call in at (347) 945-6363. Have a good night and a better tomorrow!

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One Response to Riley’s Corner: WWE Raw Review for 07/15/13

  1. Dean says:

    Walter you to know that I enjoyed the artical. The way you write the review makes me want to watch the show again but with you on commentary.

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